[sadplant]

I was hoping some of you who're suffering with Social Anxiety could tell me what it is, exactly.

Is it debilitating shyness? Or extreme fear? Or is it when you get a lot of Anxiety when you're in social situations? Are you usually anxious in front of people you just met/don't know personally? Or people who're your friends/family?

Would you call it a phobia?

I hope you guys don't mind sharing! Thank you so much.

[dolphinlover8]

I have an anxiety disorder but I was never told by my parents which one. I'm pretty sure it's social anxiety though. For me I am personally very shy(I have selective mutism along with anxiety) so I can't really say if anxiety makes me shy since I have selective mutism. If I am going to be in a situation where it will make me nervous then I will have fear to be in that situation. When I'm in social situations where I don't know people really good I will get a lot of anxiety. I get really nervous and just want to leave that situation. I almost feel like I want to be invisible when I have anxiety. I use to be really nervous when I was around my family but I have noticed that I'm not as much anymore. I'm not sure if its a phobia but I was looking it up and it's also known as social phobia so I would think you can call it a phobia.

[dmandix]

I have social naxiety and Post traumatic stress, it is the most horrifying experience i have ever had in my life

[dmandix]

Anxiety is the most horrifying experience to have to live with, You literally feel with EVERY attack like your dying.

[neutrino]

Social anxiety disorder is so much more than shyness. I think it's rooted much deeper and it's more complex. I've had social anxiety disorder since I was a small child and it's extremely debilitating (I guess that varies depending on how severe your social anxiety is but for me it's horrible). I get anxious around people I don't know. I get anxious around people I do know (though not as much). I get anxious as soon as I leave my room because I think that everyone's looking at me and judging me. I get anxious about posting here. It affects me every day. I avoid things, I say no to things I'd like to say yes to, I take detours to avoid people, I have a hard time looking people in the eyes, I underachieve in my studies, I get extremely anxious (sometimes so anxious I literally can't speak), I panic in situations other people consider safe etc. Same goes for the rest of my disorders but my social anxiety is the worst for me. And it never ends.

Personally I don't like calling it a phobia because for some reason I think that belittles it (not saying phobias are easy to deal with because they really aren't). However, social anxiety disorder is also called social phobia so I guess you could say it is.

Feel free to ask me questions if you have any.

[BlueWisteria]

Social anxiety for me is...
Being afraid of and distrusting people.
Being afraid of crowds and being paranoid in public places that people are judging me.
Flinching when people laugh in public because I think they might be laughing at me.
Hating my own name because it means someone is paying attention to me.
Fearing standing out in a crowd.
Not being able to do things I want to do because it may involve interacting with people.
Not being able to do my job properly because I have to interact with people.
Leaving jobs because dealing with customers and coworkers is like dancing with a grizzly bear; my adrenaline surges.
Not being able to get the career of my dreams because I'd have to be social.
Not having any friends because I can't talk to people and because I assume the worst when they talk to me.
Sweating profusely when I write things online (like right now).
Sweating profusely in any social situation and having to take drastic measures to conceal the stains.
Not being able to stand up for myself and saying anything to get out of any situation that might have conflict, even if it has a huge negative consequence to myself.
Being obsessive about avoiding real or perceived rejection.
Rejecting people before they reject me.
Having no self esteem and feeling humiliated because I can't do things that "normal" people do.
Having to drop courses at university that involve group work or presentations, or accepting a fail/low mark to avoid it.
Not being able to use a telephone except to talk with very trusted people.
Having to find human enablers who can do things for me like make appointments so I can see a doctor once and a while.
Having to live with vivid memories of being publicly humiliated, bullied, and of social blunders from an early age until now.
Reliving some of those memories daily.

I could go on... does that answer some of your questions at least?

[sowseedsofhappiness]

I get nervous leaving my apartment because I'm scared I'll run into one of my neighbors, and I'll have to say hello. It's not that I don't like being friendly, but it's just that the act of saying hello, when processed in my mind, seems like such a burdensome and anxiety-producing thing. And when I do run into people in the hallway, I do my best to be standoffish and avoid eye contact.

Though, there are days where I am feeling in a good mood, or I am motivating myself to break through my social anxiety, and I will look people in the eyes and I will say hello.

However, those kinds of days are far and few between.

The odd thing about my social anxiety, when I write about it and begin to contemplate it more on this forum, is that I have never thought about myself as having social anxiety to the point where it could be the primary cause of my depression and sadness in my life.

After thinking and writing about this more, I know realize that I have spent the better part of my life with some form of social anxiety. When I was a kid, everyone told me I was shy, but looking back now, it was definitely more than being shy.

Also, when I meet new people, I immediately think of some reason why I shouldn't like them. I reject them, so that I can avoid being hurt by them in the future, regardless of whether or not we become friends. Though, of course, by rejecting them at our first meeting, that makes certain that we will not become friends in the first place!

I didn't realize that I do this automatically, reject people when I first meet them, until I read through BlueWisteria's post.

That is what I love so much about Psych Central. I discover new things about myself. Even though my anxiety and depression is delibilatating at times, I begin to understand it more through this online community. Thank you!

So, I hope through reading my post, you may learn new things about yourself, and begin to heal.

I am happy to be on the healing journey with all of you.

[sowseedsofhappiness]

I get nervous leaving my apartment because I'm scared I'll run into one of my neighbors, and I'll have to say hello. It's not that I don't like being friendly, but it's just that the act of saying hello, when processed in my mind, seems like such a burdensome and anxiety-producing thing. And when I do run into people in the hallway, I do my best to be standoffish and avoid eye contact.

Though, there are days where I am feeling in a good mood, or I am motivating myself to break through my social anxiety, and I will look people in the eyes and I will say hello.

However, those kinds of days are far and few between.

The odd thing about my social anxiety, when I write about it and begin to contemplate it more on this forum, is that I have never thought about myself as having social anxiety to the point where it could be the primary cause of my depression and sadness in my life.

After thinking and writing about this more, I know realize that I have spent the better part of my life with some form of social anxiety. When I was a kid, everyone told me I was shy, but looking back now, it was definitely more than being shy.

Also, when I meet new people, I immediately think of some reason why I shouldn't like them. I reject them, so that I can avoid being hurt by them in the future, regardless of whether or not we become friends. Though, of course, by rejecting them at our first meeting, that makes certain that we will not become friends in the first place!

I didn't realize that I do this automatically, reject people when I first meet them, until I read through BlueWisteria's post.

That is what I love so much about Psych Central. I discover new things about myself. Even though my anxiety and depression is delibilatating at times, I begin to understand it more through this online community. Thank you!

So, I hope through reading my post, you may learn new things about yourself, and begin to heal.

I am happy to be on the healing journey with all of you.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by BlueWisteria

Social anxiety for me is...
Being afraid of and distrusting people.
Being afraid of crowds and being paranoid in public places that people are judging me.
Flinching when people laugh in public because I think they might be laughing at me.
Hating my own name because it means someone is paying attention to me.
Fearing standing out in a crowd.
Not being able to do things I want to do because it may involve interacting with people.
Not being able to do my job properly because I have to interact with people.
Leaving jobs because dealing with customers and coworkers is like dancing with a grizzly bear; my adrenaline surges.
Not being able to get the career of my dreams because I'd have to be social.
Not having any friends because I can't talk to people and because I assume the worst when they talk to me.
Sweating profusely when I write things online (like right now).
Sweating profusely in any social situation and having to take drastic measures to conceal the stains.
Not being able to stand up for myself and saying anything to get out of any situation that might have conflict, even if it has a huge negative consequence to myself.
Being obsessive about avoiding real or perceived rejection.
Rejecting people before they reject me.
Having no self esteem and feeling humiliated because I can't do things that "normal" people do.
Having to drop courses at university that involve group work or presentations, or accepting a fail/low mark to avoid it.
Not being able to use a telephone except to talk with very trusted people.
Having to find human enablers who can do things for me like make appointments so I can see a doctor once and a while.
Having to live with vivid memories of being publicly humiliated, bullied, and of social blunders from an early age until now.
Reliving some of those memories daily.

I could go on... does that answer some of your questions at least?

This. All of this. Couldn't have said it better myself (though I tried).

[MoodyZombie]

Mine is the extreme fear of being judged negatively by others, paranoia about being looked and stared by others, extreme low self esteem,
also very self-conscious about how i look and behave in front of people, followed by the constant rehashing and rewinding of how i screwed up during a social situation.

i once had several anxiety attacks during certain social situations, so i developed a fear of it as well.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I have social anxiety but seem to get through the experiences just fine. My sister-in-law and niece who I haven't seen in so many years came by yesterday and I was SO nervous about seeing them but once they were here, I was totally into talking to them and catching up. They would have no idea how nervous I was about seeing them.

[with or without you]

I would say it's debilitating shyness + the full-blown phobia. A very complicated mix of things caused my problems, which I have identified and understand. (hardwiring + genetics + overinvolved-worrywart mother + parental alcoholism) Unfortunately, I have entertained passive thoughts of suicide in the past due to this problem. I was at a psych workshop based on Brene Brown's shame research a few weeks ago, and I ended up describing it to the rest of the group (something out of character for me). The rest of the group seemed to understand, but I could tell it was something totally foreign to them.

Here are some of the things that bother me to some extent, or I outright avoid:
making phone calls
walking into bars or restaurants alone
happy hours
taking the initiative to get another job
large groups of people - not concerts, movies etc. but big parties
dating (I've made a couple attempts but I can't get past the feeling that I just have way too many issues, and now thoughts about my age are making the prospect feel pretty impossible)
haircuts (I overcame this last year but they make me horribly anxious)
dressing up
beaches

It's just really sad. I have some close friends. I don't want to sound like a snob or stuck up, but I am extremely selective about people because I honestly find most people to be boring. Everyone close to me says I'm funny and extremely smart, and some are jealous of my abilities in other areas. My therapist has told me I'm very talented and have more insight into myself and others than most people. I've tried many things over the past 15 years - different therapists, different psychiatrists, different meds, exposure, outright forcing myself into situations, and nothing gives me any peace with myself. I would call it one of the great tragedies of my life - the other would be losing my father at a relatively young age.

[IndieVisible]

I realize this thread is about social anxiety and perhaps not too many people here would be interested in hearing about generalized anxiety, but I thought it may be interesting comparing the two because I certainly was interested in learning more about social anxiety even tho I have general anxiety.

I can easily also feel social anxiety some times too. Having general anxiety isn't really all that different. Some times I know what's causing my anxiety, some times I have no idea what's causing it. Yes I can be in the safety of my home and for no reason at all get a anxiety attack to the extreme of feeling impending doom!

I can also get nervous about going to some social event, now the anxiety here is a bit different. I'm more afraid I will get an anxiety attack at the social event and it will be noticeable by others. It's not really so much the social even as it is for people with social anxiety, for me it's the possibility of a general anxiety attack.

If it happens and it's not a all out right panic attack, I can get thru it but it is very uncomfortable and painful and later when I go over the events I feel it all over again too. Most people would think I'm just acting a little odd, because i can hide it pretty well to a certain extent.

One of the problems with general anxiety imho is we get it so often for no reason, we try to avoid it at all costs, we tend not to worry about stuff we really should worry about! For example, my wife will ask me aren't you worried about the bills? She accuses me of not worrying about any thing! Little does she know how much I do worry every day about stuff I know about and for reasons I don't know about, I automatically try to filter out any anxiety I am able too. I have plenty of sleepless nites when I worry about the bills and every other thing and stuff I don't even know why I am worried.

Another difference is since it's not so much actual social events, general anxiety is probably easier to work with. It's still very exhausting. I would hate to try living with it with out meds. Most people just think I worry too much, except my wife

[lostincornflakes]

Possible trigger post!!

I have PSTD. I was raped and then stalked for about 8 months. I lost my job because of it. I lost my apartment because of it. I didn't even tell my own parents til six months later. My brother knew. My family begged me to get help my kids were 12 & 14 at the time. I made the appointment. Long story short that's when I was diagnosed bipolar. I never worked again. I applied for and was approved for ssdi on my first try.

Because of the pstd I was a mess. Always afraid. As my kids got older and my meds were stabilized I would get out some and go to things for them at school chior, graduations but I really had to push myself to go. I was so scared.

My kids are 22 & 24 now. I'm a Grammy to a 3 year old and my newest grand daughter only 3;weeks old. I live w my 78 year old mom. I'm her caregiver. I have the worst social anxiety ever. I only go grocery shopping once a month and Dr appts. When I'm home I am in my room. Like now my mom has her friends here for dinner and I'm hiding out in my room.

I can so relate to everyone of you! Thanks for reading my story.

[-jimi-]

I have 2 friends with it and they are really different from each other. Both also have agoraphobia traits. One is afraid of just being outside and looked at. Especially some situations out there are troublesome. The other one is more about who she is interacting with, she is fine with some and fearful of others, and has a fear of being judged.

Both have other mental issues. For both it seems like the social anxiety is an effect of another issue. But I also know of people who have stand alone social anxiety.

So it looks like it can take many shapes.

[TheCircle]

I don't know if this is social anxiety or whatnot, but I do have to deal with the public at my job. Sometimes I get a dry mouth, which means I'm unable to talk properly, feel all shaky and, as one customer put it today, have a "squeaky voice". Should be noted that my voice is my ultimate insecurity.

I'm usually good around people. A wee bit nervous at work, but not too bad. Comfortable with my family with the exception of my brother. Some people in particular make me this way, such as a particular someone I went to college with.

Again, no idea if that's social anxiety or not, or if it is, its only there for a few hours every few months. Odd.

[-jimi-]

Sometimes social situations are weird. I have had slight social anxiety in the past (nothing like some people go through) and it has come and gone. Sometimes I can figure out why things happen, sometimes not. Like I hate calling strangers, I hate approaching them to say ask for the way etc. I realize I'm not scared talking to them. I'm just afraid of the moment I need to start talking to them, the contacting. I thought it was awkward it was fine if they called me or if a friend had already walked up to the stranger and started talking and then I came along.

Once I was going to give an oral report at school and I sat in the teacher's seat and chatting with classmates who sat in their seat because the teacher was late so I couldn't start. It was fine even though they all looked at me. Then time to start and I felt shaky and nervous, the way people often feel about talking in public. I haven't figured that one out yet since they were already looking at me!

[Dianerrs]

I've never been officially diagnosed, but am pretty sure I have at least some form of social anxiety. Or maybe it's just GAD. I don't really know, and I suppose it might not really matter. I'm just an anxious person, and it sort of really sucks.

I was always told I was shy as a kid, but I remember just feeling totally uncomfortable around people most of the time.

The most painful and obvious one for me is:
I can't talk to most people, even the ones that I really like, and really care about. I just feel anxious and awkward and uncomfortable with myself when I do. It's extremely draining emotionally, because I fail to make connections with people that I want to build relationships with. I just... can't seem to do it.
I love my friends, and have amazing people in my life, but just don't feel capable of having the connections with them that I would like to. I feel inferior to everyone else, and worthless because I can't navigate even a friendly conversation. As a result, I know almost nothing about a lot of the people I love, and that absolutely destroys me when i think about it. Vicious cycle, that.

I automatically assume I'm not wanted around and/or everyone is laughing at/disgusted by me.

I have no self-confidence and often have this sense of being to 'big' and 'taking up too much space' when I'm around other people. I don't feel I belong at all.

I pretend I don't see people that I know if I run in to them on the street or wherever; I probably look like a huge b.tch, but the truth is, the idea of small talk and seeing someone I haven't prepared for completely terrifies me. I don't know what to say. My brain just overloads and panics.

In some situations, I find myself more comfortable around complete strangers than people I already know. Again- relationship building- I don't feel capable of doing it, and assume I'm going to screw it up/seem awkward or weird.

I miss so many opportunities and experiences because I avoid so many things, because of the social aspect of them.

Any actual situation that causes me embarrassment or shame (which often end up being really little things that probably don't actually matter) can set me off in to depression/panic attacks/prolonged anxiety for the rest of the day.

Not graduating high school because I'd skip too many classes/days out of obsessively trying to avoid interactions, because the idea of spending an entire day around people was too emotionally and physically tiring. I accepted horrible grades and failed classes because of this. I'm really smart. I should have rocked high school.

I could go on, but I'm sure other people will cover some of the stuff I missed.

[whovian456]

For me, social anxiety is something I have been suffering with since I was very young. You sit in a corner and distance yourself from all around you, yet at the same time you wish so badly to interact with people and share them your story. But there is a voice in my head that holds me back. It tells me they will never like me, in fact they will probably hate me. You think of something to add into a conversation, but then you think it would be better to not say anything at all, most likely they won't give a **** or find you weird. Social anxiety to me is a crippling and painful way to have an existence. But if you work hard, and certain individuals give you time, you can come to a point where you meet someone who accepts you for who you are, and eventually you put down your walls and allow them inside, and they are true friends. But for most people it is a battle to even mutter a small, "hello."

[stephybee]

Originally Posted by MoodyZombie

Mine is the extreme fear of being judged negatively by others, paranoia about being looked and stared by others, extreme low self esteem,
also very self-conscious about how i look and behave in front of people, followed by the constant rehashing and rewinding of how i screwed up during a social situation.

i once had several anxiety attacks during certain social situations, so i developed a fear of it as well.

this about sums it up for me too!!! wow. exactly how i feel but then its hard to explain because i like being around people i just get scared and anxious that they wont like me... which i a lot of p[eople DO like me but i tend to still avoid situations with people. man let me tell you what its awful at work