[Onward2wards]

Maybe you've heard the terms "cabin fever" or "stir crazy"? The syndrome that happens when people are too socially isolated and lack supportive social structures in which they can feel truly at home and validated for who they are?

Outside of work (in which I really don't get to often use the specific skills I enjoy using the most, and have to adjust to an environment which I find rather taxing, although I am extremely well regarded and treated there), the only group of people who I get to interact with often and who share many of my interests and values, is PC and an arts site I also belong to. I think this is beginning to really get to me. I am beginning to experience a lot of self-doubts, even questioning at times my own lifelong interests and beliefs central to my character, in ways I never expected. I feel like I am having a midlife crisis, identity crisis, and meanings crisis all rolled up into one, and it is NOT getting any better. Meds have proven utterly useless and therapy has been somewhat effective but just not enough. I need to create real CHANGE.

I find I can manage to feel utterly horribly alone even amongst large groups of people anymore. I used to get off work (where I, the introvert, am obliged to be extraverted) and just coccon for a while to readjust ... now I am craving to get online just so I have some like-minded people to talk to. I am beginning to dislike being alone, which is unusual for me - I am usually fine with either solitude or socializing, as long as I get a bit of both in my day. I am beginning to pine for people whose company I like. I even caught myself talking to myself the other day, which totally freaked me out!

Here's the thing though - I have had a form of social phobia for many years, which I experience as a deep fear of never finding my "social niche", and always "failing with people" - I expect to hear "No" an awful lot. I expect to ... well, never be needed (in a healthy way, not codependent) in ways I want to be needed ... so I just don't even think of finding that special group of people I really crave to have in my life. I feel utterly socially disconnected and yet I don't bother lifting a finger to change it. I used to think "that is hard", NOW I think "tough luck guy, it just ain't gonna happen." I'm not sure how to actually go out and create the social life I need ... and it is making me feel ... well, no longer like myself.

Right now, everything about my life feels somehow deeply WRONG. My job, my location, being so socially out of touch. I think I need a whole life makeover. I'm not even sure where to start, HOW to start. On occasion I almost want to go ANYWHERE else with a few hundred in my pocket and a single suitcase and just start life all over again, and get it RIGHT this time. It all feels so impossible I am getting seriously demoralized by it. I have "reality checked" with other people in their 40s and 50s and was surprised to find many people feel exactly as I do.

By the way - I don't feel depressed per se, I am still mood reactive and keep thinking of things I truly enjoy, I just feel horribly STUCK.

How do I break this pattern of isolating and just giving up on anything better? I'm growing way too accustomed to it. It needs to STOP.

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I have "reality checked" with other people in their 40s and 50s and was surprised to find many people feel exactly as I do.

You mean that isn't normal?
You touched on a lot of issues there but I'll pretty much confine my answer to the subject. Yes, I do believe it's real. Even for someone with social anxiety and even even agoraphobia
Most of what you described really does sound like the typical human condition, at least to me. Anyone who isn't content to let their brain atrophy by sitting glued to a tv screen for hours a day has a longing for something out there. I suppose even some of those people have that longing. It kinda sounds like you face a choice between that life of quiet desperation and doing something... with something being your own concept. I wish you well.

[Onward2wards]

Thanks, George. The "grey life of quiet desperation" really needs to join the dinosaurs in a rapid trot to extinction. If it is to be, it is up to me ... so I'm trying to produce that "empowered and determined" feeling to the best of my ability.

[continuosly blue]

I can relate. I'm going thru the exact same thing. I have felt isolated for 24years ! I also want to just do a life re-make so to speak but I have so much holding me back. The thing is that I feel if I don't do it I will die. Good luck to you as I feel it has a lot to do with things.

[wiretwister]

I am 56 and not able to find that outside interest to draw my attention and time away too. It used to be work but stress has ended that. Now I do waste a lot of my life on mindless tv viewing. So yes I live with cabin fever.

[too SHy]

Cabin fever is very real and very depressing. I was stuck most winters in the house, no electricity, wood heat/cookstove, no hot water heater, I actually read the whole GD encyclopedia
while I was there. It was so that when anyone stopped by it was like christmas

Ok brain is not working so well today. I have been stuck in the house since last week, only leaving to go to the shops with my partner. Today I have a great opportunity with work to learn some new things. Its something I am interested in and enjoy (usually) but I cannot get out of the house. I feel like I am stuck in here, and I dont want to go out, I am completely content laying down blocking the entire world out. I bet I will regret not taking this opportunity but at the same time I just dont care, getting out of the house is too hard for today - again. I've wasted years of my life, whats another few years. Just wasting time until I die.

Edited- I just forced myself to go outside, and now I feel awful, really awful, it seemed to have taken that much energy out of me, now all I want to do it lay down again. I tried really hard, I really did.