There's a lot going on in my head and I can't handle it

Hello all,
In the last year or so my life has been back-and-forth between specialists and blood tests because I have elliptocytosis and Gilbert's syndrome. I've been on a medication called "B-Calm" because of anger issues and so I can cope with all of the stress of trying to be on top of my conditions. Taking this stresses me out more though, as I see no noticeable difference in my mindset and behavior, yet I'm still pushed to remember to use it. In the next couple of weeks I'm going in for a bone marrow biopsy to try and find why I am always severely jaundiced and have a bilirubin count over 200 times more than the average person. I'm always mocked as looking like a Simpson even by close friends. They even go out of their way to upset my undiagnosed (but extremely noticeable) OCD, so I'm always under constant stress. I am pretty much forced by my own mind to go to bed late because since I was 6 (I'm almost 15 now), I have constantly obsessed over my eventual death and must tire myself out completely to limit these thoughts. Listening to music while I sleep has helped, but it's not calm like people recommend as the fast notes take my mind off of death, and slow only encourages said thoughts. I still have the basic human nature to kill bugs, yet I grieve for them as I have taken an innocent life. These emotions are stronger with larger bugs such as huntsman spiders and moths, because I can see the effect of the spray as they slowly loose the ability of legs/wings. I just want to be able to do things normally without somehow linking it to a gruesome way to die, or having to align the dishes and cutlery in the drawer after dinner.
Note: My friends started talking about how the new My Little Pony series is appealing to older people, so I gave it a try and found the fun attitude actually made some things easier to cope with.

Hello and welcome to PC. Do you see the mirror image of yourself in the bugs, you see them dying, losing their wings etc.. Is it possible that you have been through some pretty nasty times yourself with your conditions. Maybe you are more sensitive than your peers after all you have been through. Just a thought. Best wishes to you.

Thanks, and I also forgot to say I've begun to sink into solipsism