[omofca]

I've had it for about 6 years. I'm very awkward and isolated. I can't engage in small talk and my conversations die quickly. I also dislike most people.

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I totally do too. I've had it all my life. I have to put on my "mask" in order to work and tolerate my co-workers. When I don't have to be in public I isolate at home.

[writerinstl1983]

Originally Posted by omofca

I've had it for about 6 years. I'm very awkward and isolated. I can't engage in small talk and my conversations die quickly. I also dislike most people.

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I can COMPLETELY relate to you. I have a lot of social anxiety. I have my family and boyfriend and no friends to speak of. I feel like it's "work" to socialize at times :P

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by writerinstl1983

I feel like it's "work" to socialize at times :P

feel the same.... it is work, and it's exhausting. If I could just stay home, only go out for doctors and my T... I think it would be so much more pleasant.

[BLUEDOVE]

I used to have anxiety too. What squashed it was, I
attained my rights to be angry when required.

[worthit]

I need klonopin just to get out the door. If I plan more than 2 things per day,I'm exhausted. Since going on partial disability I've been able to, finally in 30 years, relax.

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[ayana95]

Yes. I'm very shy. It's hard to meet new people and I'm very lonely sometimes.
I have my fiance. He has also has a mental illness and doesnt like to be around a
people. I only have two friends. They both live in other states. Don't have a friend nearby. I dont get out much. The family I do have don't call or visit. I have lots of anxiety around people ... even family. It's hard to meet new people.

[Chris2015]

Originally Posted by omofca

I've had it for about 6 years. I'm very awkward and isolated. I can't engage in small talk and my conversations die quickly. I also dislike most people.

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I think I do. Recently, I've developed this terrible OCD, which requires me to confirm positive first interactions and last impressions from the opposite sex. (I am married so the issue is not cheating - trust me on this). I guess I just have this fear that everyone sees me as a loathsome troll or that, on any particular day, the way I dress is really weird, geeky, loser, etc. I quickly start each day desparately seeking for someone to disprove that and confirm that I am worthy of attention and praise from the opposite sex. If interactions are positive and I can walk away with that as a last impression of the person, to think of them fondly, then all is good. I feel well. If, like today, everyone seems instead to confirm that I am a disgusting loathsome, geek, troll, etc (take your pick), my whole self image collapses and so does my day. It can get to the point where, like right now, I have deliberately made food choices for the day, that I know are directly harmful to me (like food with lots of salt, artificial chemicals (MSG), carcinogenic sweeteners (like aspartame), to try to either say "f- you" to the dark, hateful world, or to try to actually end myself (to say this is something I can still do). I really don't want to be like this. I want to stop playing this demented, incredibly harmful approval game, but I am addicted to it because the prize of approval from the opposite sex, when I do get it, is so sweet and rewarding. (It makes me feel all warm and empowered like I can take on anything and win).

Anyway, I know this "game" has developed into a crippling OCD. (It also attaches whenever I am in any social situation - I have to "win" love from others, and - if I can't - I am thrown into excruciating loneliness, often prompting me to fantasize (but not plan) suicide. Help!!!!

[Harmacy]

Yeah, I have this.

What makes it worse is not having a stable social base (close family, close friend or a partner). I know those things don't always eradicate social anxiety and when I had them, I just became anxious about losing them, but they'd be a nice start at the moment.

It just feels like I'm adrift in all social environments with nothing to hold on to. I try to shut down and get through my working day and then there is some relief when I get home but usually followed by depression once the isolation sinks in.

Sorry, negative post but can't think of anything positive to add today.

[opioja]

Hey!

I've been suffering from social phobia since high school when I was bullied (I was bullied when I was really young too). I used to be really extroverted and outgoing but after realizing that people I didn't even know were criticizing me and making fun of me I kind of shut off.

I've been working on trying to get back to being social lately and the last major setback I had was that apparently everyone at my university also thought I was weird (my friend told me that).

I have some friends and they're really great but they've been very few and I haven't really made any new friends since high school until as of late. I decided to take more initiative in everything (not even just socially related things) and try to see things and people positively! Everyone has their nice sides to them so I'd really like to focus on those parts. Maybe some people will dislike me for being like I am but hey I'll still like them although I can respect them not wanting to chat with me because it takes me a long time to open up to people and they're not used to that.

I actually made a topic about it in the self-help section for self-esteem but I think it's waiting for approval from the administration.

Anyway, I feel for you. I know suffering from social phobia isn't easy.

[propliopithecus]

Yes, I probably have Social Anxiety Disorder from when I was a primary school boy. At least my parents put me then into play therapy for shyness.
I talked only with some people I was familiar with.
Now I have spend decades in nearly complete social isolation, only talking once in 6 weeks or so with my mother on the telephone and for the rest with nobody else.
There were times between in which I interacted more with people and when I am with people now I say much more than I did at secondary school.
Earlier I thought the problem was just me being shy, but now problems are much more complicated. I believe that I behave in a way strange which is not seen as shyness. I tried around 1987 to get rid of my shyness with Rational Emotional Self Therapy and ended up not so shy as before, but behaving very strange instead: Yes you shouldn’t bother so much about what people think of you.
Later there came also other reasons to isolate myself. I became clinically schizophrenic (by self-diagnosis) and couldn't stand to be around others anymore because of the terrible impression I thought to make on others. I thought that when I thought in words I compulsively spoke it out with closed mouth in such a way that others could hear it. I had the idea that I was constantly making audible remarks on everyone and that made me very uncomfortable and gave me the idea that I did something wrong.
Now I can get that idea out of my head when I want, I can stand people a little bit more. Twice a year I go to a family dinner and a few months ago I started frequenting a sport club. At first everyone did very strange towards me probably because of excessive gossip (telling around that I am crazy and/or a child molester) and some imperfections in my non-verbal behavior. I have decided not to run away, but stay there so I become more accustomed to people around me and I hope they also stop behaving stupid.

[Piglette]

I've had very severe social phobia since I was 14. I'm about to turn 24. I have trouble even leaving my home, other human beings leave me a shivering wreck.

[adultnecropuma]

Originally Posted by Chris2015

I think I do. Recently, I've developed this terrible OCD, which requires me to confirm positive first interactions and last impressions from the opposite sex. (I am married so the issue is not cheating - trust me on this). I guess I just have this fear that everyone sees me as a loathsome troll or that, on any particular day, the way I dress is really weird, geeky, loser, etc. I quickly start each day desparately seeking for someone to disprove that and confirm that I am worthy of attention and praise from the opposite sex. If interactions are positive and I can walk away with that as a last impression of the person, to think of them fondly, then all is good. I feel well. If, like today, everyone seems instead to confirm that I am a disgusting loathsome, geek, troll, etc (take your pick), my whole self image collapses and so does my day. It can get to the point where, like right now, I have deliberately made food choices for the day, that I know are directly harmful to me (like food with lots of salt, artificial chemicals (MSG), carcinogenic sweeteners (like aspartame), to try to either say "f- you" to the dark, hateful world, or to try to actually end myself (to say this is something I can still do). I really don't want to be like this. I want to stop playing this demented, incredibly harmful approval game, but I am addicted to it because the prize of approval from the opposite sex, when I do get it, is so sweet and rewarding. (It makes me feel all warm and empowered like I can take on anything and win).

Anyway, I know this "game" has developed into a crippling OCD. (It also attaches whenever I am in any social situation - I have to "win" love from others, and - if I can't - I am thrown into excruciating loneliness, often prompting me to fantasize (but not plan) suicide. Help!!!!

This is intense. I can let you know how you deal with the "dark episodes" by saying f this f the world and harming yourself by harming your body, I do the same. Except for me I tend to starve myself. As a means of disciplining myself. I think it may be obsessive compulsive because I feel more able to deal with anxiety when my stomach is flat than if it's bloated with sugar and crap. Hey that rhymed. Best to you