[biplol]

Let me give you a little bit of background on this.
3 years ago I decided I wanted to run a marathon, I started the training, lost a lot a weight (which I love) but I was really healthy, I eat just the right foods and run everyday after work.
2 weeks before the marathon, I was running 8 miles up hill with no problem at all, and when I said uphill I mean it!
But, I think I started developing some anxiety, I didn't recognize it as such at the moment, but now looking back I think that's what it was. I think I was afraid of failing. I had a miscarriage a year before and I just wanted to be in control of something, so the marathon made perfect sense to me.
Well, one Wednesday (I'd never forget the day) night I got really sick, so sick I couldn't keep anything in my stomach, and that went on from around 9:00 pm to 4:00 am, I had a Huge panic attack in the middle of all this and I almost passed out, I didn't because I was praying so hard and I was scare that If I pass out I'd never wake up again.
Anyway, I went to the ER, I was highly dehydrated and the doctor said "no way you are going to run"
Again I felt so powerless, but deep inside I felt relief on not having to show my failure to anybody.
The problem I'm having right now is that I don't enjoy working out like I did and the last 3 times I went to the YMCA at some point, it can be on the bike or treadmill, I start feeling dizzy and nauseas, I almost have to stop doing what I’m doing and breath, even though I’m not running right now, and my pace is really slow compared to how I work out before. I have no idea why.
Anybody is related to this?
Please any input~

i've had major anxiety when i am trying to do something that i'm fearful of. not as bad as yours, but bad. i'm sorry you're going through this.........xoxoxo pat

[Taipans]

Having a super period of Anxiety just before a race or competition is completely normal. Throwing up is completely normal. Going into an episode so strong isn’t obviously. But you know you have Anxiety issues and such anyhow. So none of that is surprising. But it almost seems like from the miscarriage, then the long fear of failing. And in a way working so hard and once again not being able to get to were you wanted to be. It’s almost like you developed some PTSD symptoms. And now every time you go back to something related to that long road to the marathon, anything related, it triggers your PTSD and causing loss of interest and more anxiety. I'm no doctor, but my wife suffers from some nasty PTSD and I watch her dealing with it and getting triggered all the time. It just seems so similar? Have you ever thought about that being the case?

[Numbers]

I had something similar happen to me once, and I found that realy the best thing for me was to take the focus of the competition and getting into shape. Instead I started playing a game with some friends for the fun of it.. got me back in shape and I actually started being able to do the competition bit too, because I'd found a way of enjoying it instead of being so focused on the winning bit.

[jacq10]

It is clear that you have had to deal with alot of emotional stress in the past while, and to me, what you are explaining makes perfect sense. I've experienced something like this also that i think i can relate to. You see, my WHOLE life has revolved around my hockey career. It pretty much "defined" who i was to my family ... in my eyes it was what they saw me as. So i went to university this year, and was pretty much expected to play on the varsity hockey team, and i decided i couldn't. I was so scared to let everyone down, that i would let myself down and i let that fear take over me, and i decided not to play. Now everytime i even think about hockey, go anywhere close to the rink or anything i experience severe anxiety.
Now i realise that our cases are different, but i think it has to do with that whole "control" factor. You felt you could control yourself if you participated and trained for this marathon, just as i felt that hockey was the one thing i could control. Now that you've been put in the situation where you have no control over your body, it is natural that you would experience this anxiety because you can't do anything about it. Being out of control of yourself is possibly one of the scaryest things out there. But know, that just because you may not have been able to physically control yourself in this marathon case, you ARE still in control. Instead of focusing on huge goals, such as a marathon, try and focus on the little ones because those accumulated will lead you to the big goal. Everytime you go to exercise, try not to think about "why" you're exercising. Try and stay in the present, focusing on each footstep (if on the tredmill) at a time. Or try and distract yourself by listening to music, or watching the people around you. If you have tried this and you still find yourself not enjoying it, then maybe that is a sign to take a break, or try something new for a while. If you always run when you go to the gym, maybe try going on the bike if you want to exercise. If you find that it doesn't matter what you work out on, then maybe you could try doing something else. Find a new hobby, or if you already have one that you enjoy, try doing that a little more.
I hope this helps ... and if i'm off i really am sorry, but just know that you CAN do whatever you put your mind to, and you do have the strength.
Take care
Jacq

[biplol]

{{{{{{{pat}}}}}}}

{{{Taipans}}}}} you couldn't be more right about this. I feel for your wife, I know how hard it can be and I know I have major PTSD, having another miscarriage a year after all this happened didn't help either. Thank you so much for your empathy~

[biplol]

{{{{{{Is}}}}}} yeah, that is what I was trying to do, because competition can be too much for me to handle right now, I was focusing more on the "shape thing" but let me tell you, feeling dizzy and thinking that the room around you is closing in, it's not fun at all, lol. Thanks~

{{{{{{{Jacq10}}}}}}}} Ohh hon, please don't be afraid of your words; I love to read about other people's lives and also I can relate so much to everything you are saying. The control thing is a HUGE factor on this, mainly because I think if it was just about the marathon, I can live with that, but it wasn't, I'm still trying to deal with the miscarriages and there, when that happens, you can't control of anything and it is truly heartbreaking.
Thank you so much for the tips and your words of encouragement
~

[biplol]

Jacq10, I forgot to tell you, I played hockey too, a while back....some....20 years ago, lol, ohh well, but I loved it!

[jacq10]

haha nice!

[biplol]

Maybe we can have a hockey-PC team!!!lol

[jacq10]

lol yes we should start that up!

[Numbers]

I'll join the team.. I've played hockey too.. lol

[Perna]

I guess you'd have to "start over" and you'd be slower, etc. than 3 years ago? And lots can happen in 3 years, especially if you were sick. My appendix burst 3 years ago and I'm totally different physically, asthma has developed and last Spring I was in training and the asthma flared and I haven't been back to the gym/personal trainer.

When I was in my mid-20s, back in the 1970s and lived in a large City I use to ride my 10 speed 9-10 miles to work. At first I couldn't pedal very long but then I got so I could pedal up steep hills instead of having to get off, etc., just like you remember with your running. When I occasionally drive one hill again, I remember and am amazed :-)

Life changes. I wouldn't do the exercise/running, etc. thing anymore if you don't enjoy it? If the anxiety is getting in the way, it's probably telling you something (including to drink plenty of liquids/water :-) Can you think of another sport/activity you'd like to try?

[biplol]

{{{Jacq}}} {{{Is}}} we are getting there gals!!!

{{{Perna}}} fisrt of thanks for the empathy, is much needed for this topic (personally) and also, I've been thinking about another sport, my problem is (yeah I know I sound like a whiner right now) I have social anxiety, so, even if a try really hard, I might sing up for something and I wont show up later.
I'm trying, but like you said, baby steps don't sound so bad right now!

[Numbers]

(((biplol))) I can see that would be a problem especially with team sports, and I don't think you sound like a whiner!
Sometimes when I'm not much in the mood for execising I do a lot of walking instead. It's realy good for the mind and healthy for the body as well. Baby steps is good. Even if you never get into the same shape you once were, that's not so important, but I think it would be great if you could find a way to enjoy exercise again, maybe you should just try different things. There are lots of sports you can do that aren't team sports but that are realy fun.
I've tried so many different things I dropped out of most of them because it became competitive, but I still practice most of it at home, and enjoy it.
I like to do things like hiking, rowing, climbing, running, surfing, swimming and other things to do with nature because then I can enjoy the nature at the same time and it takes my mind of the fact that I'm execising.
My advice is to take it slow but keep trying, because exercising can also be good for mental problems. There are so many different things you can do so I'm sure you can find one you like. I've been through nearly every genre, and it has taken long to find the joy in exercising, but now it's great, and it's realy worth it.

[jacq10]

woot woot! (((biplol))) (((Is)))

[biplol]

{{{{Is}}}} you are so right, thanks so much for all the tips, I'll keep you updated!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jacq}}}}}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Is}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I better take mu hockey stick out of the closet! lol
And please be gentle, you too are still way young, I'm an old lady!!

[jacq10]

lol naaah you can never me to old to play hockey!!! Besides we ARE on the same team! :P

[StargazerLily]

I think I know what you mean, just for me its got nothing to do with sports. Actually a topic I'd rather not mention here. But I can relate that whenever I get back into that particular situation I get panicky and I've thrown up, a lot..eek

~lils

[biplol]

{{{StargazerLily}}} You are welcome to PM anytime.