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#1
Apr 02, 2014, 01:41 AM
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Fellow peers, I'm alone for the first time in 21 years I am alone. After 15 years of nothing but toxic, unhealthy, and no self worth, being abused in every way possible by the alcoholic, narcissistic bastard that was my husband. I have taken every form of abuse that exists, I probably subconsciously believe I deserved. He broke me last night. I lay in the bed next to our 8 year old daughter he choked me with one hand, in the other hand was the baseball bat he intended to beat me with when she woke up & started screaming and most likely saved my life. I gave him $60 & our car and told him to disappear. Today I am alone. Today I am a person who took control of her life and though I'm terrified I feel like today I became myself again. The love that I wasted on him is all for myself now. My kids now have a chance to benefit from a healthy home environment & although it hurts I'm free.
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. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
 krumb, pudica, Sabrina, trying2survive
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 Faking sane
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#2
Apr 02, 2014, 02:59 AM
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You have taken a brave step to escape the cycle of abuse that your husband has dealt to you and that you don't deserve. I wish you the very best.
__________________
 Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
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#3
Apr 02, 2014, 03:47 AM
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It is the hardest thing I've ever done. I realized I was a victim only because Iallowedmyself to be. I then decided that i had the ability to stop it & take my life back. My kids will know security & peace. And I now know I am capable of living a life that is healthy & the future is anything I want it to be. The world won't stop turning, and tomorrow is full of promise .
__________________
. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#4
Apr 02, 2014, 05:33 AM
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Wow you have done a great thing. I wish you nothing but the best from here on.
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#5
Apr 02, 2014, 05:59 AM
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The upshot we get when we take care of ourselves is priceless.
Now for some advice even though you didn't ask for it - line up some support if you don't have it because more than likely he will be back, asking for your forgiveness, wanting to come home, he has changed, etc. That is also part of the cycle. If you want to stay strong, you will need help. ((((hugs)))) |
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#6
Apr 02, 2014, 12:37 PM
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Thanks to you all. I am taking precautions to prepare for him returning. Though after 15 years of the abusive cycle he never left. I will forgive him one day for my own healing, but, I have nothing left for him. It's all fit for me & my kids so I'm holding my ground & keeping my freedom
__________________
. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#7
Apr 02, 2014, 12:57 PM
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Kudos on making this happen! Abuse is not love and I fear many in relationships tolerate it for fear of loneliness and financial reasons. Be strong and be sure to acknowledge each day what you have done and what it took to make these steps. In time you will began to work on identifying your needs and just "who you are" as a person without someone there.
Any plans to go to school or move away? |
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#8
Apr 02, 2014, 10:05 PM
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Right now I am just taking an emotional hiatus & trust that when the time comes i will find a way to the next phase of my.
__________________
. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#9
Apr 03, 2014, 04:33 PM
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Good for You!! Taking care of you is important for you and your kids. Please remember that there are resources out there to help you and that you need a support system!
__________________
_______________________________ Tegretol 1200 mg Luvox 100mg Risperdal 1-2mg Clonazepam 0.5mg PRN Trazadone 100mg Remeron 15mg |
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#10
Apr 03, 2014, 08:34 PM
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Being strong is getting harder. I keep thinking maybe he could change, maybe this would be a wakeup for him. But I know deep down the change would be temporary at best, and I have to heal myself. I tried for 15 years to fix him even though I know it's impossible. I'm 37 and would like to live happy while I'm young enough to enjoy it. Reclaim my self worth & find a new perspective. Please wish me luck, my friends as I try to stand tall alone. Much love for you all. Your support is truly a gift & I thank God I found this place.
__________________
. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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#11
Apr 03, 2014, 08:40 PM
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You can't change anyone. They have to want to change. That alone takes a great deal of time and experiences. Live for yourself now and focus on new surprises!
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#12
Apr 03, 2014, 10:11 PM
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Deep down I know that. Change is one of my panic triggers & this is the biggest step I've ever taken & I am constantly second guessing myself. I keep telling myself there's a life out there & I deserve to be happy. I'm so self destructive there's a chance I will put myself in a situation that is equally toxic. But, I have hope. I can better myself if I listen to my heart & have some sense. I will never know if I don't try. I do know that with him there's no happy ending and I deserve better.
__________________
. . . Burning mud in my eyes blinding me from the truth If it's a shadow in me the dark is a tidal wave inside of you You've been taking communion Getting drunk on your antidote I'll save a seat next to me down below |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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