[potterhead6]

Hi this is kind of really embarrassing to talk about and I feel like I'm gonna regret posting this... But I'm honestly curious if anyone relates to this.
Okay so basically I feel like whenever I talk to people, I just get really nervous and self-conscious and my words always get jumbled up and my mind goes blank pretty much every single time I try to talk. Or I can't think of the right word or something. It's really embarrassing bc I feel like I'm living my life so afraid of talking to people and of what I'm gonna say bc I feel like I can't mentally do it. I always have to rehearse what I'm gonna say inside my head before I actually say it. I dunno. I just feel wicked dumb and stupid and alien bc it's impossible for me to tell stories or talk to people normally. (Also gonna add that this is a main reason for me having no self esteem)
And I feel like when I was younger, I just got this idea stuck in my head: I'm not mentally strong enough to handle conversations or stay focused or feel comfortable while talking. I always feel like I'm saying something wrong. And I end up jumbling my words again, like I said before, or just unable to think of the word(s) I wanted to say. It's really scary sometimes because it's affected me so so so much.
I love theatre, but I always bring myself down by saying I can't be a lead or act or anything bc I'm too awkward, too stupid, and too socially anxious and hard to work with. I also always feel like I'm an empty person; I have all these thoughts, but I can never share any of it with anyone because they're so different than everyone else's thoughts. And I just can't convey what I want to say. Idk. It's weird.
Maybe it's because I'm far too critical of myself and others. Because I'm so self-conscious and have no self-esteem, I feel inquired to point out every single flaw in other people as well as myself to try and make myself feel better. Wow, that sounds absolutely disgusting. But it's just how I deal. And I guess that's what I have to do at the moment. Tell what it is and hope someone can help me.
I mean, I'm fine with typing and texting, but I do find myself easily distracted or losing my train of thought really easily. Am I going crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?

[not quite right]

Actually dear heart, this is one of the most normal issue I've encountered in thepc community. Have to wonder if these ideas were implanted and reinforced from an early age by an adult or someone who's opinion was important. Next I will let you know almost everyone has faced these problems in their lives. You can learn that you are valid as a person, and what you think or say is also valid. You could find that you are capable, interesting and above all find love for yourself. We all are different, and that's a good thing. You are you & you are special. I hope you find your way.

[Lillybet]

Please don't be embarrassed talking out your issues, that's what this forum is all about.
I spend many years denying that I have depression and anxiety because I could see that I was different and did not feel like I could talk to anyone. Everyone else was so normal and I was in turmoil.
I love getting on here because I read how people are struggling with the same things I am. Even when nothing that is said can help I find comfort here because even though I feel cutoff and alone, I know I am not the only one walking this road and sometimes that's all I need to be able to get through another day.
So share and read. There are a lot of people here who understand, that is a good thing to know.

[Hope6116]

Originally Posted by potterhead6

Hi this is kind of really embarrassing to talk about and I feel like I'm gonna regret posting this... But I'm honestly curious if anyone relates to this.
Okay so basically I feel like whenever I talk to people, I just get really nervous and self-conscious and my words always get jumbled up and my mind goes blank pretty much every single time I try to talk. Or I can't think of the right word or something. It's really embarrassing bc I feel like I'm living my life so afraid of talking to people and of what I'm gonna say bc I feel like I can't mentally do it. I always have to rehearse what I'm gonna say inside my head before I actually say it. I dunno. I just feel wicked dumb and stupid and alien bc it's impossible for me to tell stories or talk to people normally. (Also gonna add that this is a main reason for me having no self esteem)
And I feel like when I was younger, I just got this idea stuck in my head: I'm not mentally strong enough to handle conversations or stay focused or feel comfortable while talking. I always feel like I'm saying something wrong. And I end up jumbling my words again, like I said before, or just unable to think of the word(s) I wanted to say. It's really scary sometimes because it's affected me so so so much.
I love theatre, but I always bring myself down by saying I can't be a lead or act or anything bc I'm too awkward, too stupid, and too socially anxious and hard to work with. I also always feel like I'm an empty person; I have all these thoughts, but I can never share any of it with anyone because they're so different than everyone else's thoughts. And I just can't convey what I want to say. Idk. It's weird.
Maybe it's because I'm far too critical of myself and others. Because I'm so self-conscious and have no self-esteem, I feel inquired to point out every single flaw in other people as well as myself to try and make myself feel better. Wow, that sounds absolutely disgusting. But it's just how I deal. And I guess that's what I have to do at the moment. Tell what it is and hope someone can help me.
I mean, I'm fine with typing and texting, but I do find myself easily distracted or losing my train of thought really easily. Am I going crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?

Hello Potterhead, Wow... I have experienced this all my life as well. It started after I was molested by my biological father at the age of 5yrs. I can remembering becoming so shy at the time in my life. As I got older.. I had a terrible time making friends because I thought everyone was judging me and I didn't know how to just go up and strike a conversation and so on. I too even at the age of 43, have trouble with social anxiety and get self conscious and jumble my words and even go blank like I cant talk and people just look at me like I'm crazy. Theirs more of us out there like you and I... we are not alone in this.

[potterhead6]

Originally Posted by Hope6116

Hello Potterhead, Wow... I have experienced this all my life as well. It started after I was molested by my biological father at the age of 5yrs. I can remembering becoming so shy at the time in my life. As I got older.. I had a terrible time making friends because I thought everyone was judging me and I didn't know how to just go up and strike a conversation and so on. I too even at the age of 43, have trouble with social anxiety and get self conscious and jumble my words and even go blank like I cant talk and people just look at me like I'm crazy. Theirs more of us out there like you and I... we are not alone in this.

Hi, Hope. Thanks so much for your reply. I was actually molested when I was younger (about age 6 or 7) by my brother, and I guess I just dealt with it by trying to improve myself and my personality every day. And I think it got to the point where I can barely talk to people much anymore. Maybe it's because I have trust issues. I dunno. My parents always told me that I was the most outgoing, friendliest kid and would always be first to talk to someone and make friends. And then I switched schools in middle school and everything was different. It's hard for me to admit this, but I think I changed myself to fit in with others and almost try to become invisible in a way.
Sorry I'm babbling a bit. I just gotta say one more thing - high school has been so so hard for me personally. I'm a junior now, and freshman year was def the hardest year by far for me. I went almost 10 years in denial that my brother really could've molested me, and that's the year that I found out it was true.
Alright, now I'll try to be a bit more positive xD I know high school doesn't last forever, and I know I have some great friends. It's just really hard right now. I thnk I'm gonna start seeing a therapist again, so hopefully that'll help.
Thank you so much for replying. If you ever wanna talk to me, please feel free to message me I'm pretty good at listening if you'd like to talk, and (sorry this may sound a bit selfish) but I honestly think it'd be amazing to talk to someone who has survived molestation and the "teenage years" dealing with all of it, along with social anxiety. Wow, you are one strong woman

[avlady]

i also have a hard time in conversations, i forget what i am going to say in the middle of a conversation, im on meds now for years, but this still happens, i know how you feel, my words get all scrambelled when i talk so i try to not say anything if there are more than 2 people involved.

[Perna]

I got a lot of help from working in therapy, one-on-one with a therapist (and my husband was supportive of me and I enjoy interacting with him). It took many years of practice and I still use wrong words and get jumbled when I'm anxious or excited and my husband still has to say, "I don't hear any nouns" when he can't figure out what I am talking about but now I am proud to be able to back up and refocus when I get mixed up and stop, collect myself, and start over when necessary, etc.