Fear of flying got better then really bad again. Advice?

On top of all my anxiety disorders and depression I'm also awfully afraid of two things: spiders and flying (so I've basically got arachnophobia and pteromerhanophobia/aviophobia).

I've never really done anything to try to "get over" my fear of spiders (I just avoid them) but I've forced myself to fly quite a bit over the past few years when visiting family. It got a bit better after a while. The physical symptoms of the panic attacks I used to get when at an airport and on an airplane almost disappeared. I even learned to not be afraid of airports (after being forced to spend 22 hours on an airport on my own during a snow chaos a couple of years ago). The thoughts were still there though ("What if we crash?", "I don't want to die" etc).

But yeah, all in all flying went better than it ever had before. I felt like I had made a lot of progress, which I was thankful for. However, that all changed during Christmas last year. My boyfriend's family live in another country in Europe and we had to fly there and back during Christmas. Both of those flights were terrible. There was a lot of turbulence. So much turbulence that even my boyfriend, who's not afraid of flying, was pretty scared. I panicked. Since then even the thought of flying scares me.

I'm currently at my parents' for Easter and my boyfriend and I had to fly here since they live in another part of the country (I had to move for university). I was very scared. Things were ok during take-off and most of the flight but landing was pretty awful. It was really windy and bumpy and shaky and scary. I just wanted to cry. And now, even though I enjoy being here with my family, I can't stop worrying about the fact that I need to fly home again tomorrow night. My mind keeps painting these pictures of the plane crashing and me dying etc. It doesn't matter that I've read that it would pretty much take nineteen thousand years to succumb to a fatal accident if I flew every day. It doesn't matter that I've read that flying is pretty much the safest way to travel (I've read you're about nineteen times less likely to die in an airplane than in a car). It doesn't even matter that you're more likely to die by a bee sting than in an airplane. I'm still terrified.

It really bothers me that I made progress and then sort of regressed. It really bothers me that my fear trumps logic and reason. I don't want to fly tomorrow. I don't want to.

Any advice on how to get over this or how to think differently or something? I don't want to be scared.

Neutrino, it is my experience that my anxiety waxes and wanes. At times I will do fairly well with a personal trigger (driving is one of mine) and then I will struggle for a while. Your description fits the pattern ... you conquer a particular fear a time or two (ie flying) and you build confidence. Then you have a scary flight and you are back to square one. So frustrating. And the logic thing (flying is safer than driving, etc) never helps me either.

The only way 'out' for me is 'through' - I have to do the thing I am scared of if I have any chance of getting stronger. A couple of things do help ... don't try to outrun the fear - just fess up and say I'M SCARED. Fear is always bigger than me and I can't outsmart it. Ask for support ... tell someone you trust that you are scared and that you want to call them from the airport before you get on the plane and call them when you get home. And if the person sitting next to you on the plane seems reasonable and you feel panicky, tell THEM you are scared and ask some support like chatting during take-off. Most people understand ...

Hugs - you certainly aren't alone.

Thank you, Little Lulu. I've been so anxious today I've honestly considered getting a bus ticket and go home by bus instead. But that'd take over 7 hours and it'd cost me quite a bit of money so I guess I have to fly home. I'm flying with my boyfriend, which is definitely better than flying alone, so I have someone to talk to during the flight. I'm still really scared though. And I agree it's really frustrating to feel like you're back to square one. I really thought I had made some progress. Guess not.

I flew long haul yesterday.

I hadn't flown for a while and was really scared before hand, to the extent that I couldn't look at other planes flying in the sky.

I managed it by asking myself why I don't get like this when I am about to get into a car (all the stats stuff of it being more dangerous etc.) - so then I concluded it therefore can't be about the safety of the plane, but just my irrational imagination, triggering my anxiety.

Then on the plane, I made sure I did lots of deep breathing exercises to relax, periodically pushed my feet hard into the floor to remind myself that I was sitting in something solid and then when there was bumpiness pretended I was riding a horse / on a roller coaster and tried to make the physical feelings fun and enjoyable rather than scary.

I also made sure I kept the screen down on my window so I couldn't see out of it ( and I had a gin and tonic, or was it 2) and got stuck into a book I had already started reading and was hooked on.

I HATE flying, I have since I was a young child. I now have a service animal/emotional support animal that travels with me. It is a win win situation, I have to stay relatively calm for Bugsy and Bugsy stays relatively calm for me. I no longer have to self medicate with alcohol and klonopin.
Good luck!