Still waiting to be happy..

So, my husband comes home, no longer drinking, and with the best job he's ever had. We're working hard to get our kids on track since up until now our lives have been constant chaos & we all have to relearn how to act. My first step was to set the twins up with counseling, they have witnessed far too much. I always thought more money would make my life easier, and my stress level much lower, but, sadly that's not the case. I still live with constant fear and my mental health has not improved.
Second, as most of us do, I have mommy issues. She left me when I was2, kidnapped me when I was 5 (for a whole week) and was a mentally, emotionally & verbally abusive alcoholic. As I became an adult we were able to have a relationship because I finally realized she was human. I have3 and have made mistakes that iI hope my kids eventually can forgive me for. Well, 10 years ago she picked up & moved to Florida. She's never met my twins & she's dying. I forgave her a year ago & I'm grateful, but I'm angry that she is going to die & I don't even. Know what she looks like anymor. She shares my agoraphobia so neither of us can come. I just wishI hold her hand and be there. I will never have any closure.

you can still talk to her on the phone and let her know everything you need her to know. it isn't ideal but it is the best you can do under the circumstances. I hope that you are getting counseling for yourself. that can help you get the closure that you need in these circumstances. take care

I do talk to her often. And I finally was able to forgive her for being human. I feel that was healing for both of us. Forgiveness is cutting loose the anchor that holds us captive with hatred and pointless misery. Lastly I finally forgave myself. I will own my mistakes, but I refuse to let them own me. I may never be happy, but I will be at peace with the person I am.