[Sonne]

I didn't go home like I said I might in my last post (from many months ago). I stayed and fought off my depression as best as I could. I'm feeling better now that the weather is improving but I'm struggling with anxiety. I feel trapped all the time. The only way I don't feel trapped is if I drink when stressed - which I cut back on due to money and required effort (moved away from bars) - or if I shut down. I slack at work, that's what keeps me going. If I break my back like I used to, I am dead inside before the work week ends. Mentally, I hurt from constant mistreatment. Physically, I can barely move my legs.

Don't get me wrong, I still go out of my way to help people. I'm precisely where I need to be at various times throughout the day. I offer additional help. If I get through my own work, I ask for more. I just don't push as hard. I just keep busy.

My problem is that...I seem to be the only one with a heart here. My fiance's family - we got engaged in April - is religious but very cold. As long as they are happy, life is good. They are only generous to people who are like them so that leaves me and my heathen fiance out. They've started numerous fights with us, insulted us, made our lives harder...and yet I can't bring myself to be selfish without feeling terribly guilty which does not help my anxiety.

See, they saddled him with $60k in debt. He's not legally tied to it and the repayment options were specifically designed for parents, not for grads. Most grads would be crushed under these circumstances. When we asked if they would contribute a little money to our wedding - not much, we're keeping our guest list under 50 - they said no, we don't condone you living together before marriage, there will be no forgiveness, we feel no familial obligation...but we'll still come and eat free food.

As tempted as I am to say, "Screw you, pay your own stupid loans" I feel guilty. I have this habit of taking everything upon myself despite being an immoral agnostic, incapable of any goodness. My conscience nags me more than theirs does.

I'm hopefully starting grad classes in the Fall and getting married in the Spring of 2015. No aid is expected from his family. No sympathy, no love. This eats at me. I don't know if I can be so callous even though necessity seems to call for it. We can't foot the bill for my loans and the wedding and their loans all at once. And it's dishonest to have them come and pretend to be close when they think we're evil.

I'm not sure how to cope. The only reason I'm okay for tomorrow is because I drank tonight. It was that or anxiety and the latter does not make for a good day.

I'm sorry to have rambled, I have so much on my mind. =(

If your fiance is okay with it just tell them to pay their own loans off. That's terrible of them to act like the would pay it then stick it on you two. Certainly don't get into any situation where you are legally transferring the debt from them to you. Even if you get suckered into starting to pay it off DO NOT transfer it to yourselves legally... then there will be no going back.

Is your fiance okay with putting the loans (that they agreed to pay) on them, dis-inviting them from your wedding, and never talking to them again? That would be my preferred course of action. They don't sound worth putting yourselves through anything for. You don't even have to say "Screw you, pay your own stupid loans" to them - you just have to calmly explain that they signed on to and agreed to cover those loans and you're not going to take on that responsibility as it's not yours. Are they just mad at your fiance for being with you so now they are trying to back out of paying?! Don't let them get away with it. You are in the position of power and also you're in the right. Don't let them guilt you into taking on their responsibilities.

As far as work, just keep busy and work steadily just like you're doing now. That's really all that is expected of you. Someone is getting rich off of your work and it's not you so don't kill yourself for their sake. You just need to do your job and work steadily - you don't need to feel guilty for that. In fact working steadily and doing your job is something to be proud of... killing yourself at work to make a couple extra dolalrs for someone else is a fool's errand. Don't slack off but don't work yourself into an early grave for someone else's benefit.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sonne

...... My fiance's family is religious but very cold. ..... (

Sorry to start a holy war.... but a Christian can not be "cold". Love is the #1 rule. Love your enemies. Love your neighbor. Love. If they are not showing love - then they are not Christian. Or at a minimum they are not ACTING Christian.

And congratulations to you and your other-half.

[Sonne]

Thanks Useless, that's how I've generally felt about it.

He promised he would pay the loans back but he was 18 years old and had no idea what that would mean. When I was that age, my Dad didn't even include me in talks of money because he knew what any sensible parent would - I was clueless. When my college asked him if he'd like to take out a PLUS loan, he asked about repayment options and immediately declined. My fiance's parents either didn't ask or assumed that my fiance would remain living at home while he paid them back.

The problem there is he's Agnostic and they would only allow him to continue living at home if he remained Baptist or Catholic or anything that closely believes what they do. When he was 21, he went out to eat with a friend at the mall. He ordered a beer with his dinner and just then his mother happened to pass by and see. By the time he got home a few hours later, they'd already packed most of his stuff and kicked him out.

So now we live together and he's been footing the bill for their loans. It crushes us and I'm so tired of my job, so trapped, and no one has shown any sympathy. His Dad says he can't help or he'd have to work too much but his solution is for me to work - even though he forbids his princess wife from working - and my fiance to get a second job. They spend money so frivolously it's sickening. To continually break my back, never see my fiance, never have the energy to enjoy even a shred of my youth...and then be told my wedding isn't even on the Approved list is like a kick in the teeth.

I felt guilty when I made this thread but they clearly don't feel bad at all. So after even more thought and discussion with co-workers, we've decided to go through with stopping payment and I don't feel bad anymore. Because God knows they don't feel bad so why should I? I've been told that if you're Agnostic you can't feel bad anyways.

His parents sound like the worst kind of people. A**holes trying to hide behind the "righteousness" of religion (like a lot of other "christians" or whatever other religious types).