[11losin_it_all11]

I often find people have different experiences with social anxiety (or social phobia?). However, I also find that many just seem very different from mine and I don't know why.

I am extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers. I will not answer the phone, I will not order my own take out, I will not join groups, I will not "hang out" with people... I just avoid all situations that involve me interacting with people. Then, in public places, when people look at me my thoughts fly and I simply presume they're mocking me. I'm constantly avoiding social situations and partly, I'm okay with it because I don't like people that much. However, at school I will offer my answers (if I'm 100% sure that they're correct) or share my opinion.

I'm just very isolated. I do leave my house (I'm forced to). Yet, honestly, if it were up to me, I wouldn't. So I guess in a way, I'm comfortable in my ways even though they aren't positive ones.

However, I hear of people who have social anxiety yet they'll go out and make friends. They'll be in groups and interact with people in the groups.

Am I just extremely avoidant ? Or are they just very good at coping or maybe they're just not shy? I guess, I'm just curious if being outgoing and having social anxiety mix?
I'm just curious Sharing your personal experience would be great to hear as well!

[Melmo]

I have social anxiety. When I was younger it was pretty bad. I had very few friends, and was that loser kid in the class who looked at the floor, didn't talk to anyone and wore the most uncool clothes. Since then I've worked as a cashier in different places and I've gotten used to talking to strangers. I still hVe anxiety in social situations but its not as bad, and sometimes it seems like I'm outgoing.

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[happytulips]

Originally Posted by 11losin_it_all11

I often find people have different experiences with social anxiety (or social phobia?). However, I also find that many just seem very different from mine and I don't know why.

I am extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers. I will not answer the phone, I will not order my own take out, I will not join groups, I will not "hang out" with people... I just avoid all situations that involve me interacting with people. Then, in public places, when people look at me my thoughts fly and I simply presume they're mocking me. I'm constantly avoiding social situations and partly, I'm okay with it because I don't like people that much. However, at school I will offer my answers (if I'm 100% sure that they're correct) or share my opinion.

I'm just very isolated. I do leave my house (I'm forced to). Yet, honestly, if it were up to me, I wouldn't. So I guess in a way, I'm comfortable in my ways even though they aren't positive ones.

However, I hear of people who have social anxiety yet they'll go out and make friends. They'll be in groups and interact with people in the groups.

Am I just extremely avoidant ? Or are they just very good at coping or maybe they're just not shy? I guess, I'm just curious if being outgoing and having social anxiety mix?
I'm just curious Sharing your personal experience would be great to hear as well!

Hi 11losin_it_all11,

Welcome to the forum! You have come to the right place to seek answers and by your being here, you are taking the first steps to gain insight and understanding to your condition.

"I am extremely uncomfortable talking to strangers. I will not answer the phone, I will not order my own take out, I will not join groups, I will not "hang out" with people... I just avoid all situations that involve me interacting with people."

I can relate partially to the above statement. I am able to answer the phone and order takeout, but I do have a tendency to avoid joining groups and even attending my kids' school parties because I obsess over small talk with Mommies I don't know very well. I also worry about being "judged" by them.

I too, always wonder what complete strangers are thinking about me. This is particularly bad in very crowded places, like the local Costco. I find the crowds very off putting sometimes. And, that's a shame...because I love shopping there.

You say you don't like people. Have you examined the reasons why this may be? You know, a lot of times I feel the same, but I've come to realize, I need these people around me, even if I don't like to admit it.

The older I've become, I realize it was me all along who brought about the outcomes with others. I used to think, everybody else was the culprit. I am currently working on myself, and hope to eventually feel complete comfort in my skin.

I am glad to hear you're speaking out in class and answering questions. That is great! Keep at it.

My advice to you is that, if you're not 100% satisfied living the life that you live, that you should research as much as you can on Social Anxiety, Phobia and Avoidant personality. Seek help through a therapist. Operate out of your comfort zone but take baby steps. EVERYDAY.

"Am I just extremely avoidant ? Or are they just very good at coping or maybe they're just not shy? I guess, I'm just curious if being outgoing and having social anxiety mix? "

Both, to the above statement. You're avoidant because you probably feel like you haven't developed the "skills" needed to feel comfortable in your social interactions. People can overcome Social Anxiety if they work on it. Many shy and Socially anxious people have overcome their condition. They have to in order to achieve their dreams. People like, Jennifer Lawrence, Johnny Depp, Abe Lincoln and Kim Basinger. And, many others!

I am at an age, that I wished I had worked on my condition sooner. I am currently working with a therapist now, and starting to understand why I am the way I am. There are many reasons from my childhood that has caused it. I believe it's never too late to become what you might've been.

Good Luck on your self-discovery!

~HT

[wing]

It is so hard for me to deal with people, that I've often thought of giving up on all the suggestions people make and isolating; just getting used to being lonely.

The problem is I'm not happy. I feel lonely and depressed when I stay in my house for days at a time.

So I'm taking a big step. I called a therapist who specializes in CBT and am planning to put the work in to try and not be so weird and unapproachable. One last time.

Well,social anxienty and phobia is part of my life last 7 years,when i isolated hard to myself and abandoned from friends,i can't deal with it and get worse and worse.

I'm trying to hide or changing roads when meeting or see out there known people and old known ex-friends,it gets me a social anxiety and somehow panic because i don't want to give them info for my bad situation and the impression something is going wrong or to look weird since the last time they saw me.I feel ashamed and inferiority comparing my self to others.I hate these emotions,i feel so bad for my self and i can't do much for many years.

[Quanticia]

Well, keep in mind that you don't have to be outgoing

I used to have extreme anxiety too, and would never talk to people if I could avoid it. However, I were lucky enough to have a best friend that never gave up on me, and by time I realized I didn't really want to be alone 24/7. Not outgoing, not social, just not alone and 100% outside society. Admitting I felt threatened by everyone was a huge step, cause I concentrated on researching what was behind that fear (feeling too insecure and weak in my case). That helped me beat most of it and become your average shy girl.

The fact you dislike talking can turn into something positive-as long as you like listening to people, too. Once you get the veeery basics right-"Good morning, I'm _____, what's up?"-some people might build a whole conversation by themselves, and love you for lending them an ear. While I'm not the life of the party (and don't want to be), people keep telling I'm such a good person. We don't have to be outgoing-just to let people know we're shy/hesitant, and wait till we find the ones who accept us for it. It does take a little bravery, though, as you need to do some steps yourself too, if you want to be able to be among people without feeling that horrible torture inside. Do your research on social anxiety, and good luck!

The fact is i want to be outgoing but i can't be!

[mulan]

I don't know if clinically I have or don't have social anxiety.
From my personal experience I do have a lot, not so much as you have, I think...but in my opinion by outgoing while fearing people at the same time is different than going around meeting new people, and hanging out with them.

As everything else there's a spetrum. I don't know who are those people you know who claim there selves to have social anxiety, but still do that... I don't do that.

I can answear in classes, and I kinda like it, I can have circunstancial talks with strangers. On the record I rather have a small conversation with a stranger that I will never see anymore, than talking with someone I know but don't feel confortable with. So being in a crowdy place with strangers it's not a feel bad situation.

But there's a thing about me. I like to talk and laugh. I love to joke around, I like to be nice to people. And even I don't give the true friend name to anyone I know, because I feary intimacy badly, I suspect if I wasn't so shy, if I didn't have the other problems I have. I would like to go around hanging with people.

Having social anxiety is not the same as being an introvert. But bad anxiety can mimic that. Can be thought as the same.
I would love to have the possibility to be outgoing in more than one or two contexts. But people are different.
In the past I use to though that I rather be alone than have company, but now, I doubt that to be true.

I use to get nervous just being on FaceBook. I been on'off it for several years. I just deleted it a few months back and actually feel better about it. Reckon I'm just an introverted hermit with Social Phobia.

[redbandit]

When I'm in "new" situations, like at a party with lots of people I don't know, I experience a lot of social anxiety. My anxiety does keep me from activities sometimes. But, for the most part, I'd consider myself social, so I guess it's kind of an oxymoron.

[cherrykix]

I'm a pretty outgoing person, and I don't know if I can say I have a social phobia, but I do have lots of social anxiety. I often freak out inside my head, or after a social interraction. I just don't show ot very well. But in my head I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing! I think its possible to be outgoing with social anxiety; some people just know how to hide it better.

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I went at fitness center/gym for 4 years continuous and every day i was passing the door i felt like it was as the first time i didn't knew nobody there,so weird and strange.

I mean i couldn't stand there and talk with other people that was known to me after 3-4 years in the same place,i had an anxiety and fear what to say if they will talk to me,i hate that feeling.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Good point.

I have social anxiety, as well. For me, it's a case of certain situations giving me anxiety, but general social anxiety is a thing for me, just at varying levels of stress; some of these levels I can power through, others I can't or just refuse to because it's too unpleasant/unhealthy.

What I can do:

I can occasionally (kinda rarely, if I'm honest) walk to the center of town (15 minutes or so) wait at the bus-stop where many other are also waiting (5-10 minutes waiting) then take the bus to a another town (45-50 minute ride) then get off and walk to my brother's place. (10-15 minutes) BUT that's a LOT of anxiety for me, and something I do rarely for a reason.

I am able to go to Tesco, 7 or so minutes from my house, but, depending on the time of day, it can be more, or less stressful. I do tend to avoid this, sometimes even not eating much until I feel I can go there and get some food. (lately, I've been doing sort of OK, but I slip up sometimes)

I am able to go with my dad to various places, like a big city heaving full of people (very rare) or to town (uncommon) or to Tesco near my house (occasional).

I can walk 44 minutes to some place I've never been before, past houses owned by people I strongly dislike or have other issues with, and meet people I've never met before, to start a job doing something entirely new. This was, however, a first, for me, and it was definitely scary, but I somehow made it; I feel like it was a miracle, to be honest.

I can go out into the garden and play the guitar, knowing my neighbours, anyone passing by (they can't see me) and anyone who's home could hear what I'm playing. The anxiety affects how I "perform" with regards to the guitar, though, and quite a lot... but I'll get to that in a moment.

What I can't do:

I can't go see bands, because I would be surrounded by people I don't know, in places I don't know, with so much noise and lights and ... too much stimulation; I would be overwhelmed, in a bad way. I've been to see a band once, I believe, when I was quite young; it wasn't overly big (big for my town, but still) but I didn't enjoy it. (the music was fine, it was being there that I didn't like) I remember, at one point, everyone stood up to cheer or something, but I refused and stayed seated... I didn't know it at the time, but that was social anxiety keeping me there. Too much stimulation. There's just no way I can have a decent time like that.

I can't be in a band. (serious one that plays gigs and stuff) I've had to turn down a great, locally successful band (as lead or supporting-lead guitarist, because of it. I was very briefly in a metal band, but I suspect the social anxiety had something to do with my leaving it.

I usually struggle going anywhere I haven't been before, know nothing about, and definitely if I'm going to these places alone. If I'm with someone it helps, sometimes even completely, although that's quite rare. Such is the nature of these sorts of MH: there can be good days and bad days.

Although I could go visit an old friend of mine, and other old friends, getting back more of a social life that I used to have, I haven't, and may never do as such, and I suspect social anxiety has something to do with that. (also, bad history with them)

Social anxiety is definitely a reason why I can't/don't work. I get paranoid saying "can't" because... what if I can? I'm sorry for saying this, everyone who is severely physically desabled, but sometimes I almost wish I had no legs or something, stuck in a wheelchair, so that way I wouldn't be doubting myself and what I can or can't do; people could see it, I could see it. It would be proven. I hate mental health crap because it's almost like it's not there, but IT REALLY IS.

There's more of course, but that's general gist.

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

What I can't do:

I remember, at one point, everyone stood up to cheer or something, but I refused and stayed seated... I didn't know it at the time, but that was social anxiety keeping me there. Too much stimulation. There's just no way I can have a decent time like that.

When i went at some concerts i realized i couldn't enjoy at all,i just was in a corner alone without friends or known people and just listened the music when others had fun with their own way.

Even when i go out with my family,parents etc,i try to have some distance and seem to others that i am not a part of them.