[lemmkins]

Hello, i am not sure where to go or what to do. i went to a dinner and all the way home worried. Did i eat too much, did i talk to much, did i not talk enough, did i screw up in some way, did i make a mistake, are they talking about me right now....

i will spend days thinking and replaying the entire evening over and over in my head. Looking at every interaction, reaction, for where i made a mistake. i tried all day to get out of it. i was not able to do it.

If this was one time, i would blow it off, it is not. i do this everytime i interact with people. This is not a good thing and i am not sure how to get over it. It seems to be getting worse. i don't want to visit with people, i don't want to make mistakes.

i am sorry for the rambling, i am just not sure what to do. sorry.

[Rio_]

(((lemmkins))) I know how you feel, I do the same sort of thing with phone conversations. Yet I've never had anyone I've talked to on the phone tell me I did anything wrong, even though at the time I would be sure I'd completely messed up.

If you feel up to it, I would suggest meeting these people again - I'm sure you'll find they didn't notice anything you felt you did wrong. But if you'd rather not, you should feel better about this with time.

Hi lemmkins,

I understand how you feel. Overscrutinizing is a form of self-criticism. We look for things to get down on ourselves about. The others at the dinner have moved on and, if they are thinking of it at all, they are probably worried about their own behavior!

We all do the best we can, in the moment. When the moment is gone it's gone. All we have is now. If a situation arises later, say someone comes to you and says you did or said something.. then that is your next moment and you can deal with it then... IF it happens. Until then, it is all imagination at work and there is nothing to deal with, which is relieving to discover. You can let it go!

If there are things you don't feel confident about in social situations you might want to work with your therapist on those things. Prepare yourself for battle, so to speak, so that the next time you will go in armed with lots of new skills!

ECHOES

[biiv]

hi lemmkins.
im not really up to saying much today but just wanted to let you know i know exactly what you re talking about. ive gotten over the obsessive replaying though not really over the feeling ive messed up. talking to your T about it will really help. its all about reality checks and there are many ways to do that.
thats all i can say right now. sorry. wish i could help more. my thoughts are with you though.
((((((((lemmkins))))))))

[lemmkins]

Thank you for your support. i don't see a T.. so for me that is not an option. However,your kind words are appreciated.

I also worry to the point that I kinda "black out" & can't remember what I did say to people. It seems that I'm extremely stressed around people & that causes that reaction. My brain shuts down. I also have the phone phobia, too. Needless to say, I don't have contact with very many people IRL. One of the big reasons I am here.--Suzy

[Perna]

Lemmkins, if I were you I would either go out a lot to the same place (I found the library helpful) and get to know the people there a bit and let them get to know you or I would got to lots of different places a lot and kind of "swamp" yourself with interaction.

You have to either "get over" that people are thinking badly about you by getting to know some and interact with the same ones so you can check out what they're thinking, see them smile and gladly help you, etc. or have so much to "do" with visiting that you don't have time to worry; kind of distract yourself, and get over that habit. Start small and think of 3-4 places to shop or window-shop each day or friends to call and go do stuff with, etc. Another thing I did (was afraid to talk on the phone) was call a couple of places and ask did they have a specific thing I wanted or restaurants and what time they opened or if they took reservations, etc. and grandually got more use to talking to people (and "hearing" what they said to me, that was hard for me). Decide to find out 3 things about the grocery store checkout woman and concentrate on those instead of what she is thinking of you; (1) what does she think of the weather :-) (2) is she nearly finished her shift/what time does her shift go to (3) some comment about an item you're buying (I have two cats so often I can talk/ask about pets).

The "world" is the only classroom we have so please don't skip class by staying home. Think of a few different things to try to give you other things to think about besides how you did or to distract you?