[cryingontheinside]

My ex won a custody battle of my children a few years ago and as i have severe phobia of leaving the flat or being aound people and was very depressed but now out of the blue he has given me one of my children back and said he cant cope with her. Im so confused and ive been so used to hiding in my flat now im really struggling to get everything right and my own mum is really getting on my nerves expecting me to cope with going to concerts and busy places and expecting me to do it with out crying or having a panic attack and she wont allow me to take my medication out in public with her as my eyes look spaced out and shes embarrassed to be with me. She is expecting me to snap out of it and be normal but i just feel like screaming at my mum. I know shes critisising me and judging my every move. I want to tell her to f off. Im so stressed. And im trying to go out and do things with her but in places that are not too crouded as it is too much of a giant leap for me to make. Why wont she let me take smaller steps.

[healingme4me]

Why not find low key things to do, mother and daughter, just the two of you? I take xanax as needed, and zoned out is far from how I'd describe prescription meds. And I've taken a good hard look in the mirror on it.
A picnic lunch. Bubbles blowing outside, we even do that on our porch. Not sure how young your wee one is. Time for your mom to step back, this is your daughter. ..

[cryingontheinside]

Thanks. Thats all i can cope with is low key. X

[bluekoi]

cryingontheinside, healingme4me has offered you very sound advice. Baby steps make our goals possible. I take Ativan for anxiety. Being in public would be when I might need it most. Your mum means well, but she is actually making life more difficult for you.

[DePressMe]

crying, I also struggle with my mom and it's sorta difficult because I'm an adult so I have my own thoughts about things. Yet, my illness makes me depend on her for help with some things in my life. She is in denial of my illness and she just does not understand that sometimes when she is trying to help me she is actually making things worse for me. I have severe anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house and I don't interact with people much. She has tried a lot of different ways to try and make me go out and be with people and make friends but it usually sounds like she is blaming me for my illness. She has said that I'm choosing to be sick because I'm not going out and doing x,y,z and if I'd just do it then I'd be normal again. It really makes me feel bad because I know she does not "like" who I am now and won't accept me or my illness.

Yet, sometimes she does give me the support that I need and tells me how much she loves me and I know she truly means it. But it's hard to predict when she'll be more compassionate in how she treats me or when she'll be too hard on me. Yeah, I get angry too. I try to remember that she is my elder mom so I need to show her respect and that she is doing what she thinks is best for me but she just does not understand mental illness. She is not intentionally being hateful, she is just ignorant about what's best for me sometimes. I try to cut her some slack when I can and sorta choose my battles wisely. So if I don't agree with her about something, I mainly stick-up for myself on things that are most important to me but sorta go along with her with the little things.

I do have to set boundaries and not let her push me to the point where she totally stresses me out. Like if she says something that hurts my feelings but she means well I might just switch the topic and not correct her because confronting her would just create even more stress for me. I'm not saying you should always be submissive and always do what your mother says and never disagree with her. No, you need to do whatever is necessary so your mom will treat you with respect and don't let her push you over the edge.

I've just found that it's better if I think about things and how they will impact me before I decide what to do about them. I determine how important they are and then decide if it's worth being assertive with my mom or if it's something that I can just let go because the confrontation would not be worth it. But if I choose to not correct my mom about something and go along with it, then I have to be willing to not hold resentment with her for it.

I totally understand how angry your mom can make you and how badly some of her words and actions can hurt you--it's horrible to endure this crap from your own mom. But, when it comes right down to it, I know I need to figure out a way to release the anger and let go of the hurt because those emotions will just make my anxiety and mental health worse. No matter what my mom does or says to me and even if she is wrong, I know that I have to find a way to deal with it because I can't survive if I'm always hurt and mad at her.

I feel for you. You're in a tough spot and I understand because I'm dealing with similar issues with my mom. Shoot me a pm if you ever want to chat or just blow off steam. Please, take care of yourself......D.

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you so much depress me for taking the time to chat with me and give me advice. I notice a lot of similarities between mine and your mental health ie staying in and not wanting to be around people. I dont hate my mum i know she means well but it can be frustrating because sometimes she prob thinks i just dont do things because i dont feel like it or because im lazy. Ive always found it hard to fit in with my family. Their always judging and critisising me. I thought after being diagnosed with bpd they might start giving me a break and u derstanding why i struggle with things and situations. Some times i get the feeling ill never be good enough. A few months ago my brother had a massive go at me and told me im really going down hill. Im not even sure what he meant by that because i wasnt doing anything wrong but the funny thing is he was on leave from open prison when he said this to me and has been in prison for the last 15 years so hes the last person who should be acting high and mighty and telling me i need to change. I will try to keep calm and be nice to all my family, most familys are bizzarre after all. A real big thanks for your imput and advice. X

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by DePressMe

crying, I also struggle with my mom and it's sorta difficult because I'm an adult so I have my own thoughts about things. Yet, my illness makes me depend on her for help with some things in my life. She is in denial of my illness and she just does not understand that sometimes when she is trying to help me she is actually making things worse for me. I have severe anxiety that keeps me from leaving my house and I don't interact with people much. She has tried a lot of different ways to try and make me go out and be with people and make friends but it usually sounds like she is blaming me for my illness. She has said that I'm choosing to be sick because I'm not going out and doing x,y,z and if I'd just do it then I'd be normal again. It really makes me feel bad because I know she does not "like" who I am now and won't accept me or my illness.

Yet, sometimes she does give me the support that I need and tells me how much she loves me and I know she truly means it. But it's hard to predict when she'll be more compassionate in how she treats me or when she'll be too hard on me. Yeah, I get angry too. I try to remember that she is my elder mom so I need to show her respect and that she is doing what she thinks is best for me but she just does not understand mental illness. She is not intentionally being hateful, she is just ignorant about what's best for me sometimes. I try to cut her some slack when I can and sorta choose my battles wisely. So if I don't agree with her about something, I mainly stick-up for myself on things that are most important to me but sorta go along with her with the little things.

I do have to set boundaries and not let her push me to the point where she totally stresses me out. Like if she says something that hurts my feelings but she means well I might just switch the topic and not correct her because confronting her would just create even more stress for me. I'm not saying you should always be submissive and always do what your mother says and never disagree with her. No, you need to do whatever is necessary so your mom will treat you with respect and don't let her push you over the edge.

I've just found that it's better if I think about things and how they will impact me before I decide what to do about them. I determine how important they are and then decide if it's worth being assertive with my mom or if it's something that I can just let go because the confrontation would not be worth it. But if I choose to not correct my mom about something and go along with it, then I have to be willing to not hold resentment with her for it.

I totally understand how angry your mom can make you and how badly some of her words and actions can hurt you--it's horrible to endure this crap from your own mom. But, when it comes right down to it, I know I need to figure out a way to release the anger and let go of the hurt because those emotions will just make my anxiety and mental health worse. No matter what my mom does or says to me and even if she is wrong, I know that I have to find a way to deal with it because I can't survive if I'm always hurt and mad at her.

I feel for you. You're in a tough spot and I understand because I'm dealing with similar issues with my mom. Shoot me a pm if you ever want to chat or just blow off steam. Please, take care of yourself......D.

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I too will also be here for you if ever you need a chat about absolutely anything