[Edis]

I'm not doing so well. I had a doctor appointment on 8/6 but I was so excited about finally seeing my parents on 8/8 that I forgot during all the chaos. I thought I would just reschedule and continue taking my meds in the interim...only to realize I have no more refills. My medication helped but it wasn't quite strong enough to take care of the little bit of my anxiety that makes me avoidant so I never called to reschedule until today. I just become delusional, tell myself I still have time, it hasn't been that long. This is how months go by with me hiding from my responsibilities.

A lot is going on. My Mom is being biopsied 9/2. I had to rush around to replace my PA DL with a NY DL. I'm trying to get a job at the library but now I have no ID because the NY DMV took my PA DL. I have to put all my loans in deferment but one of them requires this be done through several steps and via mail; the mail makes me even more anxious than the telephone.

My weight is up. I've been binging for days. I have a new puppy coming which I was happy about until I started worrying about money and my friend told me it looks like he might be deaf or blind based on his eye color... His girlfriend said it might just be due to the Merle gene and he could be fine but now that the idea is in my head, I've been scared since last night. This isn't the first time he's said the wrong thing to me either. After telling him my Mom is being biopsied, he went on to tell me that he makes $65k now and will be applying for a job that pays a base salary of $112k. Who says that to someone with depression and severe anxiety while she's talking about her Mom possibly being seriously ill?!

Classes started 8/25. I gotta figure out how everything is arranged. I have to take my Lab puppy to the vet tomorrow for an ear infection. Etc. I have so much I need to do, things I need to cancel, do, inquire about, find, fill out, etc. I keep breaking down in tears, entirely overwhelmed. Every so often, I get up and make a call, cross something off my list. Then I totally freeze up and have to wait for the terror to pass.

The biggest catch will be quitting my job. I need to quit like...now. It's causing me so much anxiety and depression that I think it's my primary problem.

Last night I snapped. I walked into the bathroom with a knife and cut a little bit. At the time, it didn't look like I had even broken the skin but while getting undressed later, my fiance saw two lines on my upper arm and became really sad.

No one has paid much attention to me. I can't tell anyone else here what's going on and when I've sought help online on other forums, no one has given me the time of day. But I'm crashing, I'm really having trouble and I want it to stop but I know I'll have to wait for my meds to kick back in. =(

Any help while I try to stabilize myself would be appreciated...tips, talking off the ledge, anything.

[Bluegrey]

(Edis)

I'm still working out things that might help me, so don't really have much advice to offer you but one thing that makes a bit of difference is a breathing exercise. You probably already know about this sort of thing but just in case you don't, it involves taking shorter breaths in and long, slow breaths out, using your diaphragm (imagine a balloon inflating on your tummy as you breathe in) - relaxing as much as possible when you exhale. I learned this to help with pain, but it does make a difference with anxiety as well. It gives me a moment of clearer thinking which can sometimes just be enough to help me keep going.

Is there a long time to wait before you can see the doctor? I don't really understand that much about medical care outside the UK, but I know that it's possible to get at least a general practitioner appointment here very quickly if someone is desperate.

You seem to have so much going on, I know how hard that can be especially when you are already feeling fragile. I hope that things settle down for you a bit soon.

People here do care, and although it can take a while to respond I'm sure that there will be other replies soon.

Take care of yourself as much as you can, and please don't give up.


Bluegrey

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Please, please mark this as triggering, or at least add a warning to the start of the tread, as it has potentially very triggering content.

[truebliever]

Dear Edis.Stop..Now catch your breath.You are not alone.Stop with the cutting.You are worried about your mom,and she needs you.That new puppy will be a blessing no matter what is wrong with it,the little thing will make you calm down and pay and attention to it instead of your problems.Now with the dmv,here in sc you can get a picture id to use.Try that.As for your friend talking about the how much money they making,money can't buy love.Those loans,you have caller id,just don't talk to anyone you don't want to talk too.Scrape the things off your plate you really don't need to tend to right now.Praying for you and your mom.

[Edis]

Originally Posted by truebliever

Dear Edis.Stop..Now catch your breath.You are not alone.Stop with the cutting.You are worried about your mom,and she needs you.That new puppy will be a blessing no matter what is wrong with it,the little thing will make you calm down and pay and attention to it instead of your problems.Now with the dmv,here in sc you can get a picture id to use.Try that.As for your friend talking about the how much money they making,money can't buy love.Those loans,you have caller id,just don't talk to anyone you don't want to talk too.Scrape the things off your plate you really don't need to tend to right now.Praying for you and your mom.

Thank you so much, I appreciate it. =)

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Please, please mark this as triggering, or at least add a warning to the start of the tread, as it has potentially very triggering content.

How is it triggering? How do you even mark a thread as triggering?