[atam90]

Hello there!

I am new to this forum and was directed here after I began having issues with fairly severe anxiety. I decided to join in an effort to learn ways to manage the anxiety. I already posted this in the New Member Introductions forum, so pardon my self-plagiarism.

To give a little background on myself, I am 23 years old in the process of applying to graduate school for a Master's in secondary education. I have been experiencing anxiety issues since high school, although it has waxed and waned over the years. I have experienced a few episodes of what I believe may have been panic attacks, but I have never been formally diagnosed so I guess I can't say for sure. Overall, though, I have always been able to manage it.

After graduating college, I decided to not jump right into graduate school to give myself a chance to explore other career options before making any commitments. I have always had a mild degree of interest in medicine, and decided to explore that route by becoming a medical scribe in an Emergency Department. I am starting to think that was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. At first, I enjoyed the job. I was exposed to a lot of interesting situations and thought it was a great learning experience. I guess over time, however, it has been taking quite a toll on me. The job is stressful and almost unreasonable at times. The shift times are so variable that I have trouble sleeping at times. I am working a majority of weekends so it is very difficult to see my family and boyfriend. I also don't get treated very well as an employee, between having no actual lunch break (my lunches consist of 4-5 minutes of scarfing down food in the on-call room while standing up and then rushing back out) and barely being able to sneak out to use the bathroom (I ended up with a UTI during my first month of work there). In addition, I seemed to have developed extreme health anxiety. I have seen people come in with such awful diseases, and it is really starting to affect me. It hasn't exactly helped that I have actually become sick with a few infections from work, including C. diff.

I am riddled with so much anxiety that I feel like I am in a state of panic 24/7. This is nothing like I have ever experienced before. I have started experiencing heart palpitations, occasional shortness of breath, pretty extreme muscle tension, diffuse muscle twitching/fasciculations, acid reflux and sharp epigastric pain, and jaw fatigue/pain that gets worse toward the end of the day and is exacerbated by eating (I think I may be grinding my teeth at night, though). Because I am experiencing so many physical symptoms, I made the biggest mistake by searching online and reading about all of the terrible things that have severe symptoms. I recently became fixated on the idea that I could have a terrible neuromuscular disease, like MD or ALS, due to the muscle fasciculations, and even the jaw fatigue, and I am horribly panicked about it. Of course, this means that I am stuck in a terrible cycle: anxiety causing physical symptoms, physical symptoms causing more anxiety. I feel like I am spiraling out of control and don't know how to stop it. The logical side of me is still present and acknowledges that all of these symptoms can be caused by anxiety; however, part of me is still fixated on the idea that it could be something else. It doesn't help that some of the things I see at work are downright scarring emotionally.

I have been contemplating going to the doctor regarding my physical symptoms, but I suppose part of me has been afraid of doing so. I know I could benefit from some peace of mind and maybe even some help managing my anxiety. I am just fearful of being laughed out of the office and told I am too young to have so many "problems."

Basically, I am here because I really just want to get a handle on my life. I realize I wrote quite a bit, so if anybody actually read the whole thing through, I do appreciate it immensely. Thanks for listening.

[Shining]

First off, let me say I feel for you. I never had anxiety or panic attacks until this past summer. I am a secondary ed. teacher. I usually teach special ed. I lost my job at the end of the last school year. Happens to a lot of teachers.

I had the tightness of jaw, numbness of face, thought I was having a stroke. I got an MRI and a million dollar work up - that cured my stroke symptoms. I then thought I was having a heart attack and honest to goodness, I went to the ER probably a million times in the span of the summer. I found a dr. who listened to me. He was willing to do all the work up for me. He checked me into the hospital and had them do every heart test available - another million dollar work up. Yep - it was anxiety and my mind was giving me those symptoms. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Once I had the news of nothing wrong with me - my anxiety has not returned. I haven't been to the ER in over a month now.

You need to find a dr. who is willing to listen to you and work with you. At one point I left work and drove straight to the dr. office. I had no appt. and he took me right away. I was in full blown anxiety attack. Again - thought I was having heart attack. He kept telling me calm down - did an EKG in the office to prove I wasn't having heart attack....it took an EKG to calm me down and prove I wasn't having a heart attack. He took my bp several times until I was back in the normal range. Got me calmed down. After that he did a bunch of tests through the hospital to prove to me I wasn't having a heart attack. EKG, Stress Test, Angiogram, Angiogram with dye, ultrasound of heart........all of it. Bottom line is - nothing is wrong with me and it was health related anxiety.

The best thing that happened for me was to get the tests - if you have insurance it was the best thing I did in my life. My health related anxiety is now gone due to the kindness and listening and testing of the dr. I found.

The symptoms were so horrific for me...and most of them were like yours. I would go to bed at 6 and lay in bed with a heating pad around the front of my neck. I couldn't swallow, couldn't breath, my jaw and neck muscles were tight - most painful experience I ever had in my life.

Get checked out if your funds allow you. It cured me!

[atam90]

Shining, I am quite sorry to hear that! I do hope that your current job in secondary education is fulfilling in other ways for you! I do hear plenty about this kind of thing, makes me a little nervous to be pursuing teaching myself. But it's something I've been wanting to pursue for a while. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story with me. Makes me feel a little better about the way I've been feeling lately. I can't tell you how many diseases I've "diagnosed" myself in the past few weeks, certainly not helped by my current job. Stomach pains have become possible bowel perforations, headaches have become possible aneurysms, leg pains have become DVT...not good.

As an update, though, I did actually see a doctor today. Yesterday, I started having twitching in my one leg that went on almost constantly for several hours, and it scared me. My boyfriend had been urging me to go all along, and I've been meaning to establish myself as a patient at a new practice, so I took the opportunity. I actually called earlier today and they squeezed me right in. Anyway, as it turns out the twitching may be anxiety but it may also be due to antibiotics I recently took. I just finished up a course of Flagyl for a C. diff. infection, and the onset of most of my physical muscle symptoms (and even my high anxiety) seemed to correlate with beginning the medication. It turns out that Flagyl can cause peripheral neuropathy in the form of numbness, pins and needles, weakness, and apparently muscle twitches. Not a common side effect by any means, but still possible. He tested my strength and my reflexes, which were apparently all okay. So he seemed to be pretty confident that it may be due to the medication, and that it should subside when my nerves recuperate. *knock wood*. He did tell me I should come back if the symptoms don't subside, though. I guess that is the only part that still leaves me feeling somewhat nervous. He did say a range of things can cause that, from nutrient deficiencies to thyroid problems to undiagnosed Lyme's disease. Obviously my main fear was muscular disease or motor neuron disease. It still is in the back of my mind, unfortunately, because there was no definitive tests performed to prove otherwise.

Going to the doctor did help give at least some piece of mind, though.

[Shining]

Teaching is fabulous. I mean it. I love it. I can teach special ed. and general ed. I really love the special ed. though. I teach behavior/emotional disorder kids lately. They are a handful for also very enjoyable. The only part of teaching I do not like is the constant bothering of the higher ups with their stupid continual observations (they do it to all teachers). The paperwork alone to have them come do an observation takes hours. Then after the principal comes - you have to do paperwork again for 30 days later when the head of the department comes. Then you have to meet with them individually to discuss your lesson/teaching and then you have to meet with them after they observe.....then they meet.....then they give you a "grade"...then you have to meet the principal to get your grade. I have always gotten proficient - no one ever gets excellent. I would hate to be the teacher who gets unsatisfactory or needs improvement - because you have to do it all over again and again until you get proficient. I just want to teach not play silly games.....all that time spent preparing and discussing and meeting for observation takes time away from preparing lessons. It's the politics of it all that stinks. I love the kids though and have an excellent time with with them in the classroom. You will love the teaching part of it........

I have given myself several diseases and issues with my body also. When I was getting the tests done for the heart they gave me a medication that slows your heart rate down and my mind told me that it was giving me a heart attack. The nurse was like ???? it slows your heart down. In my head though my heart was pounding and it felt like it was. So, she took my bp and stuff and it was all normal. I felt foolish. haha.

If it is your medication at least you have a "diagnosis". It's embarrasing when you say you have all these problems and then everything comes up negative (that has been my case). Hopefully you start to feel better..........and stay off the internet to find out what is wrong with you. I would be 6 feet under by now if I kept doing that myself. I had every disease or problem out there all summer long. It was my doctor who said stop looking at stuff on the internet call me instead. haha. Like I said before if it wasn't for this kind and understanding and compassionate dr. - I would still probably have anxiety issues. Make sure you follow up with the dr. because it really does ease your mind and take loads of pressure off to know if it is something or nothing.

Originally Posted by atam90

Shining, I am quite sorry to hear that! I do hope that your current job in secondary education is fulfilling in other ways for you! I do hear plenty about this kind of thing, makes me a little nervous to be pursuing teaching myself. But it's something I've been wanting to pursue for a while. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story with me. Makes me feel a little better about the way I've been feeling lately. I can't tell you how many diseases I've "diagnosed" myself in the past few weeks, certainly not helped by my current job. Stomach pains have become possible bowel perforations, headaches have become possible aneurysms, leg pains have become DVT...not good.

As an update, though, I did actually see a doctor today. Yesterday, I started having twitching in my one leg that went on almost constantly for several hours, and it scared me. My boyfriend had been urging me to go all along, and I've been meaning to establish myself as a patient at a new practice, so I took the opportunity. I actually called earlier today and they squeezed me right in. Anyway, as it turns out the twitching may be anxiety but it may also be due to antibiotics I recently took. I just finished up a course of Flagyl for a C. diff. infection, and the onset of most of my physical muscle symptoms (and even my high anxiety) seemed to correlate with beginning the medication. It turns out that Flagyl can cause peripheral neuropathy in the form of numbness, pins and needles, weakness, and apparently muscle twitches. Not a common side effect by any means, but still possible. He tested my strength and my reflexes, which were apparently all okay. So he seemed to be pretty confident that it may be due to the medication, and that it should subside when my nerves recuperate. *knock wood*. He did tell me I should come back if the symptoms don't subside, though. I guess that is the only part that still leaves me feeling somewhat nervous. He did say a range of things can cause that, from nutrient deficiencies to thyroid problems to undiagnosed Lyme's disease. Obviously my main fear was muscular disease or motor neuron disease. It still is in the back of my mind, unfortunately, because there was no definitive tests performed to prove otherwise.

Going to the doctor did help give at least some piece of mind, though.