[Rio_]

...what do I do where do I go what if I miss it how much do I pay I don't know the times what if it makes me late what if I see someone I know...

Help! I can't do this...

(17 years old and never taken the bus by myself before - pathetic I know... )

[sabby]

(((( Rio_ ))))

I'm sure you can do this with a little preparation!

Find out where you can get a bus schedule from, and how much the trip will cost you. Plan Plan Plan. By looking at the schedule (and most times they run pretty regularly) you can plan your trip so that you are not late to your destination.

If you see someone you know, smile and say hello!

Plan Plan Plan This will make you much less anxious and you will feel more in control of the situation when you have the information you need!

You can do this! I wish you a safe and happy journey.

Hugsssss
J

[Rio_]

((((sabau2)))) Thanks. I hope so, it seems like such a dumb thing to be afraid of. When I told mum, she said she'd go with me one way, so I'd know the route (I don't have a clue where the closest stop is to where I want to go!), but I'll still have to go back by myself. I can probably find out the schedule online, although I'm not sure if the cost will be there as well...and do you need exact money?

True...yes, that could work.

Thanks, planning is a good idea. I'm feeling a bit calmer about this than I was, luckily. Although I doubt I will on Wednesday... Still, I'd better try. As my parents keep pointing out, I'm going off to uni soon (why do people always use that as an excuse for making me do things I hate? ), and they won't be around to help any more...

[Juliana]

Good luck, Rio. Don't put yourself down by saying it's a dumb thing to be afraid of. We all have fears. I'm 37 and I still have a problem with buses (mainly because I get claustrophobic).

I was very nervous about flying this past summer because I had been through a 3 year about of agoraphobia and hadn't flown since I got better. I was terrified, but I did it. The feeling of accomplishment afterwards was amazing. I felt like I had slayed a dragon. Every time you face a fear, it gets easier -- and when you conquer that fear it boosts your confidence and that feels wonderful.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Let us know how it goes.

P.S. Is that a picture of Nick Rhodes in your avi or is it just someone who looks like him? (I was a huge Duran Duran fan -- and Nick was my favourite -- when I was in junior high school. Their music still takes me to my happy place.)

[Maven]

I haven't ridden the bus in years, but I can tell you, I was a lot older than 17 the first time I took one!

I can't tell you how much it'll cost...that depends how far you're going. Generally, you put the money into a little machine that's right next to the bus driver. If someone gets on before you (and you said your mom will go the first time, so you can watch her), just watch where they put the money in. You'll get a receipt. If you ever need a bus transfer, tell the bus driver before you pay, because, as I recall there's a fee for that.

After you pay, you look for an available seat. If you see an empty seat next to someone, feel free to ask that person if you may sit there. Actually, if no one's sitting there, they have no right to keep you from it, but it's polite to ask. Then you just wait until you reach your stop.

Of course, after I'd gotten used to it, I moved to a better seat when it became available, like many people do. I liked to sit right up front.

Your mom can show you the bar you touch when you want to ring the bell to let the driver know you want off.

If you get a bus schedule, it'll tell you the estimated times the bus will be at a specific location, so you can expect to be picked up and arrive when it says, but be there 15-30 minutes early, just in case. If you're picked up on time but it gets you there late, all you can do is tell your doctor. It's not your fault. That isn't likely to happen, though.

If you see someone you know and you like that person, say hi! If there's a seat available next to them, sit there! If you don't like the person, don't say hi, don't sit next to them.

Good luck, Rio! I first took the bus by myself two years ago when when I was 23!!! I was really nervous and my husband went with me the first time. That way I didn't have to feel scared about messing up the stops, or pulling the stop thingy, or paying the fare!! I used to be really scared about taking public transportation by myself because of all my anxiety. Now I know the bus routes better than my husband! You will do great!!

Oh, also-- I researched the bus online... Here in Philly, there is a whole webpage for our mass transit system and it even has a link for "How do I take the bus?" It tells about the fares, stops, everything. And I'm sure you can also call the bus company to speak with someone for more detail.

Oh and one more thing... I love Duran Duran!

[Perna]

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I took off work when I changed jobs to take a day to take the bus as a practice run to go to where I had an interview later that week so I knew the answer to all the questions. I was always afraid that when I pulled the cord to ring the bell to get off, the bus driver would be angry and tell me I couldn't get off or be annoyed I was bothering him, etc. :-)

I was only cured when I took a train! to New York (from Washington, D.C.) by myself and spent the night alone in New York (turned out to be in a hotel for transients with yelling and breaking bottles, etc., extremely scary!) and when I came back the next day, in the middle of the convention I was going to, I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore I got "safely" back to Washington and suddenly felt like I could handle anything including taking any bus at all and "transferring" between buses, etc. which I'd been afraid of before (asking for a transfer, was again, afraid the bus driver would refuse or sneer at me or be angry, etc.). I was free of my bus/travel fear.

Take a practice run (or get yourself to a little ways away from your home and get home?) so you know the route. Just "ride" and get a sense of what it is like, how long it takes, etc. Usually bus routes are available on the Web and they have brochures, etc. and you can buy tokens or tickets, etc. ahead of time, etc. Go to your local library, they usually have the brochures in the reference section or can tell you where to get them.

Or, figure out something that would be "worse"/harder to do :-) and do that and the things "under" it will seem easier. Some of my fears was from the "requirement" that I do it, coming from "outside" me. The time constraint was an additional pressure. Relieve that by some practice runs and getting a little familiar with maps and prices, etc. Get on and go one stop (or until others are getting off?)

Maybe, if you have a "large" airport close enough you can go park in satellite parking and take the "bus" to the terminal and then catch a return one back to your parking lot? Make it fun, decide to buy a sweatshirt or something in a gift shop and "go get it" :-)

Do you know anyone/have a friend that is more scared than you are? That sometimes helps me, if I have to "act" brave and like I know what I'm doing or have to "take care" of someone younger than I am? Find a museum on a bus route (or near your T's office) and take a child there?

[Juliana]

That's awesome advice, Perna -- taking someone who is more scared than you so you HAVE to act brave.

When I was still suffering a lot with anxiety and panic attacks, I always did much better when I had my 4 year-old niece with me. I knew I couldn't panic... and I just didn't have attacks. I knew I had to keep HER safe and I would go into a much more confident zone because it reminded me that I was the "grown-up." I couldn't afford to give into fear when I was responsible for her.

Your experience in NY sounds scary. Sometimes it's those experiences that are the most beneficial, though. When it came time for me to fly home from my first vacation in many years (after I had had agoraphobia), some of the things I worried most about ended up happening. My first flight ended up being delayed. We sat on the runway for 3 hours before take-off (waiting for bad weather to clear). So, I was TRAPPED in a little plane with a smelly man next to me and couldn't get off. I handled it, though. When I finally got to Toronto, my connecting flight was long gone. I was alone and had no money for a hotel, so I had to spend the night in the airport and wait for a morning flight. If I had known in advance that something like that was going to happen, I would have been terrified and would have not gone on the trip. I was just thrown into it, though, and I coped very well. After that, I felt like I could handle anything. Being forced to face our fears is sometimes the best treatment.

I'm so glad you've been cured of your travel fear. It's a wonderful feeling of freedom, isn't it?

I have high hopes for Rio. I think he's going to do just fine and feel great after he takes the bus by himself.

I'm rooting for you, Rio!!!

[anxietyman]

Hi Rio,

I completely understand how you feel about getting on a bus, it causes extreme reactions such as claustrophobia for me so please dont consider yourself to be pathetic. Its a perfectly normal symptom of anxiety.

A hypnotherapist told me a few years ago that if I was in a situation such as this, just say to yourself im only here for a short while, and you could even get off the bus if it becomes too much. This really helped me deal with the feelings of panic, knowing that what i was feeling would come to an end. Even if you need to get off the bus 3-4 times it doesn't matter, time is not the issue.

Good luck anyway, hopefully you'll make the journey in your own time.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Juliana. To be honest, I'm not even that sure why I'm so afraid of this...I guess it's a fear of looking stupid because I don't know what I'm doing. With any luck, that means once I'm used to buses I'll be fine with them - I have no problems taking the train by myself, because I've used the train quite a lot since I was very young. I rarely use buses.

That's great you managed to fly even though you were so scared!

Thanks, and I will.

(It is a picture of Nick Rhodes, he's my favourite out of Duran Duran as well. Not many people I know are Duran Duran fans, so it's good to meet another one! )

[Rio_]

Thanks, Maven, that makes me feel a bit better.

I won't be going far - just to the next town. I'm going to and back from my violin lesson, which means I'll have to carry a violin and music with me as well...easy enough on a train, because you've got tables, but I'm not sure how I'll manage on a bus. Ok, thanks! (What do you mean by bus transfer? )

Thanks again for taking me through everything!

[Rio_]

Thanks, pinksoil! That's great you've managed to get so good at using the bus. Where I live at the moment, it's actually more easy to use trains, but there won't be a train station near where I'll be staying at university so I can see why getting used to them early would be a good idea.

That's a very good idea! I'll have to see if there's something similar here. (Phone calls are actually another thing I'm scared of doing. Thanks for the suggestion, though.)

Oh, cool! I'm glad I chose that avatar, it seems to be bringing all the Duran Duran fans out.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Perna. The bus driver is definitely something I've been worried about...he'll probably expect me to know how everything works. (I've also had experiences with the man who you buy tickets from at the train station being grouchy if you didn't give exact change, had to ask him to repeat the price because you couldn't hear the first time, that sort of thing. He only seems to do that if there isn't an adult with you. )

Yikes, that does sound scary! Still, at least it cured you of your fear of buses/traveling.

Those are good ideas, thanks. I don't have an airport anywhere near me and my friends and sister are both used to using buses (my friends don't have a train station anywhere near them so they have to take buses a lot of places), but I could do a practice run, certainly!

[Rio_]

Thanks, anxietyman. Like I said to Juliana, I think for me it's more a fear of looking stupid in front of other people, which will hopefully go away once I'm familiar with how the buses work.

That's a good idea, thanks! I've used that sort of thing before with exams I dread - "in __ hours, it'll all be over" - which helped.

Thanks again.

[Juliana]

Rio, lots of people worry about looking stupid. It's a very common fear. It turns out that most people aren't paying attention to us, though. Everyone else is focused on their own thoughts and their own fears.

I'm sure you'll be fine with taking the bus once you get used to it. I would probably be nervous about taking trains because we don't have trains where I live. I spent some time living in Toronto and I remember being very nervous about taking the subway the first few times because I had never done it before. Once I got the hang of it, I was fine though.

It's just fear of the unknown... and once you do it a few times it won't be the unknown any more. It will build your confidence and you'll be less scared to try new things in the future.

Make sure you let us all know how it goes.

P.S. I still love Duran Duran. Have you ever been to one of their shows? I haven't, but it's on my list of must-do's. One of my life-long friends who was as ga-ga over them as I was when we were in junior high saw them live a couple of years ago and she was blown away. She put it at the top of her list of best live shows ever.

P.P.S. On the subject of looking stupid. I'm one of those people who is very book-smart and very competent professionally, but I'm a bit of a spaz. I've gone to work with my dress inside out, my skirt on backwards, or wearing one black boot and one brown boot on numerous occasions. I'm not a morning person. I'm still half-asleep when I'm getting ready for work. More than once, I've showed up with the pattern of my quilt imprinted on my face from a particularly deep sleep and I have accidentally signed professional e-mails with lots of x's and o's (because that's how I sign e-mails to friends). So, I look stupid on a regular basis. People laugh with me, though, because I'm good at laughing at myself. Colleagues and friends just call those things my "blonde moments." I'm not even a real blonde though. LOL. So, I don't have much fear of looking stupid -- I've done it so often and I'm sure I will continue to do it. It's okay to not be perfect.

[sabby]

Last October, I visited the UK for 2 weeks. I flew into London for a couple of days, then had to take a train from London to Bolton. I was scared to death as I would be traveling alone and I knew basically nothing about how the trains operated, and where my stops/layovers would be.

I had to change trains at one point and on the schedule, Bolton was not listed as a stop. I only had a 10 minute wait until the train I needed to take was going to pull in. I didn't know if I was in the right place. I felt panic starting to rise in me and got sweaty and scared. I finally asked some folks if I was in the right place, etc etc. They were very nice and explained I was in the right place and what stop I would need to get off in Bolton.

I guess my point is this, when in doubt, ASK someone! If they don't answer or give you grief...then go on to the next person. Odds are, you will find someone who will be helpful. I had a great trip on my second train into Bolton as folks were friendly and talkative. I truly enjoyed it

Good Luck to you dear!!

Hugsssss
J

[Maven]

A bus transfer is just a little piece of paper you get if you need to stop and catch another bus because the first one you're on doesn't go where you need to. Like, say the bus that goes by your house goes to the next town, but you need to only go a few miles, then you want to go in a different direction than that bus goes. If there's another bus that goes where you need it to, you can get off near a place where that next bus will be stopping, and catch that, using the transfer. If I recall correctly, the transfer saves you money. It's been a few years, though. Since the bus you're taking goes where you need it to, you won't have to worry about a bus transfer. If you get a bus schedule, you should be able to find info on transfers, if you need one in the future.

As for carrying stuff with you, I generally just plunked it down in an empty seat next to me, if available, and you can also put it in your lap. If I remember right, there might be a space above where you can put it, too.

[Rio_]

Thanks again, Juliana. I've heard it's a common fear as well - it's good to know I'm not alone!

Thanks, I hope so. (I managed to find a timetable...it doesn't make that much sense to me, but if I'm reading it right it looks like I'm going to end up either half an hour early or 15 minutes late to my lesson...great. ) I'd be very nervous about taking the subway as well, I've taken the tube in London a few times with my parents and it seems very confusing! That's good you were fine with it once you got used to it.

That's true...and like I've said before, I do need to get used to this.

Will do!

P.S I haven't, unfortunately - I'm quite a recent fan (only within the last year or so), and I was a bit young for their shows when they were at their most popular. I have seen videos of their concerts, though, and they look amazing! I'd love to go to one.

P.P.S Being able to laugh at yourself is a very good quality! Don't think I'd manage. My therapist told has told me he's given people with social anxiety tasks like standing under a clock and asking for the time, to show that it's ok to look stupid and people don't mind. It's a good idea, but it's not something I'd do myself if I had the choice!

[Rio_]

Yikes, I'd be scared too! That's great you managed to find such helpful people, though.

Thanks!

[Rio_]

Ok, thanks. I don't think trains have that...not that I have much experience with changing trains, though.

Violins would be too big just to have on your lap, but it should fit on an empty seat, that's a good idea. Good thing I'm not a cellist!

[Maven]

You could also put it on the floor in front of you.

I was scared to get a transfer. I actually had to take two buses once and paid full fare for both buses.

I saw Duran Duran in concert in 2000. I'm only 25, so I was also too young to see them in their heyday. But they were still really good in 2000! Since I missed a lot of the good 80s bands due to being born in the 80s, I try to get around to seeing them whenever they come around, even if it is really, really bad (which in some cases, it has been). I've gotten a pretty good "collection" going of 80s bands past their prime that I have seen!

Have you taken the bus yet?

[MaKaJoMO]

Hey Rio,
I notice in you're in Scotland - me too! - so hope this might have some practical relevance. If you're in Glasgow or Edinburgh, the city busdrivers do not make change so have the exact amount ready. Don't know about other cities. The more regional services (Stagecoach) do make change, as you long as you don't give them any big notes. Also, if you go to stagecoach.com then you can view schedules and stops. Good luck!

[Rio_]

There was a slight change of plan, because the bus times on the way to my lesson were so bad (would have had to wait around for almost 45 minutes before my lesson!) - I got the train on the way in instead. Problem was, that meant I had to go on my own... Still, it turned out alright in the end. I had about 5 minutes' wait at the bus stop - plenty of time to start worrying that it wouldn't turn up or would just go straight past , so I was relieved when it did turn up and did stop for me! I didn't quite have the exact money with me, but I only needed 10p change, so that was good. And I know the price now, too. So I sat down, thinking the worst was over...and realised I'd forgotten to take my ticket! Can't have mattered that much, though, because the driver never pointed it out. Nobody else came on after me, either, so they couldn't have pinched it. Then everything was fine until I got into my town, when I started worrying that it would go straight past my stop - ended up getting off two stops early just in case, because I was the last one left. Meant a bit of a walk home, but at least I didn't end up in the next town!

So, I'm still feeling a bit anxious, but I'm happy as well - I did it. And now I know what to do for next week!

[Rio_]

Maven, luckily the bus was so quiet I found two empty seats next to each other easily, but it looked like there would be enough space on the floor, so I'll bear that in mind if I get on a busier one another time! Thanks.