[Justicia]

So, I just finished with a training to co-facilitate a peer-support group with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) to work with 18-30 year olds, (I'm 25) and the training I think is going well, but I almost don't even want to finish this post, that's how much I am already doubling myself … I just need to focus on how I am capable of being a facilitator and that I will benefit those who need help. But at the same time I need help and a lot of it since I'm still experiencing symptoms of all of my illnesses. But anyway I'd like to think that I can help others and I know that I can, but the main voice that I hear tells me all of these negative things like, "Well, you're still and forever will be ****ed up so how could you ever help anyone. You worthless POS." And this is all I hear, and after and throughout the training I always alluded to how I didn't do well during an exercise or a scenario in the group. And then the trainer came up to me stating that I would be able to facilitate a group and that I'm doing just fine. And then I started to cry and I told him that I thought he was lying to me and that I wouldn't be able to actually lead a group. And I just kept crying and the woman who was in charge of the Youth Work tried to support me as well and gave me a hug and I kept crying stating that I have no confidence in myself at all and that I have low self-esteem.

I just don't know how to not have anxiety about all of it. Since I need so much help myself, I just don't know how I will be accepted into the group since there already is a group facilitator. So I am very anxious about that. I want know if I will be accepted into the group, if the members will even like me. I don't know if they will. I think that I may be able facilitate the group, but my voice tells me that I can't do it. It creates so much frustration. I don't even know if I can do this. There's only two days for the training and I feel like I need a week of training or at least more examples to facilitate. I've facilitated discussion about low-income housing before with Habitat for Humanity but that was years ago. I just don't know what to do, and it's really bothering me. I just wish I had more confidence, that's for sure.

[kaliope]

start with some mindfulness techniques. imagine a door at the front of your mind and one at the back. when the thoughts come in, they enter the back door and then instead of giving them power, just escort them out the back door. that is all the thought you give them. just keep on moving out the back door. since there is already a facilitator, talk to him/her about your fears. it is a mental health group after all, he/she will understand you being overwhelmed and the voices in your head. you dont have to hide what you are going thru. let the facilitator take the reigns and you join in until you feel comfortable. maybe you could introduce the principles of NAMI. that is simple enough. you would be taking part in cofacilitating. when the timer goes off, you could direct the meeting to the next person, that is simple enough. and maybe you could end the meeting and announce when the next meeting is. let the facilitator do the managing of the group and you jump in making comments when you feel comfortable until such a time when you feel you can handle more.

[Justicia]

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate you reading my post and responding. I just wish that I felt I deserve any of the kind words you provided me with. But those are all good ideas to take into account. After I'm done with my training I'll reach out to my co-facilitator and we'll work something out. He's been doing this group for over a year now, so I'll have to just put faith in him and he'll help me out as much as he can. I really need to work on not giving my thoughts so much power over me, that's how they win and make me feel terrible.I just don't want him to think I'm still so f**ked up that I shouldn't lead the group or something like that. I just worry and become so anxious about everything I do and everything that I type and how I type it and how it will be perceived by others and what they will think of me and that no one likes me or anything, ok, I'm done here. Anyway thanks again. I'm going to go an do some self-care. Something positive, that's what I need. TV here I come, distress tolerance here I come !

[bb0211]

Congratulations to you on filling such an honorable role. I understand your concerns and feeling of self-doubt. When I begin to experience self-doubt (even for things I know I can do), I remind myself that I would not be in the position I am in, if I were not capable. You were selected for good reason. Someone saw something in you. If you don't have faith in yourself at the moment, have faith in whoever selected you for this position. Take the power from your hands and give it to that person. Just trust they made a good decision for you…

I find…if you do that enough times…eventually you will believe in you.

Take care.

BB

[Justicia]

Thanks BB. I actually just got an e-mail from the person that told me to attend the training in the first place and that she wants me to finish it out (which I was planning on doing anyway) and the trainer said that I was doing a good job and that if I wasn't that we would be having a different conversation. So that's good, but I'm just so happy that the woman e-mailed me back with such positivity and excitement for me to actually lead a group. And she also said she doesn't pick someone that easily to facilitate a group either so that's a compliment too. I guess I just need to try and have more faith in myself, but it's so hard when all I hear is negativity.

Thanks again !