Another attack (I think)

Awwh, %#@&#!. Just when I thought things were getting normal again... I have to have another panic attack. Dammit dammit dammit... forgive my cursing, I know it's unseemly but it actually helps as a stress reliever.

I knew it was coming, too. Over the past two days I've felt it building, and today it just hit me... crying, trying not to scream, curling up with the physical tension, biting my arms again (that's tough with braces, lemme tell ya!)... this one wasn't all that bad, which made it almost worse--I had enough wits about me to vaguely want to SI again. :O Not cool, obviously.

Beh. I just feel silly. I don't even know if it was really a "panic attack". Is it normal to be able to snap out of your attacks long enough to have several-minute interactions with other people? I can do that, but as soon as I'm alone again it all comes crashing down. Could just be bad Pre-MS... I think. I don't know what to think. At least it's over (for tonight). Forecast for tomorrow... doesn't look great. Again, beh.

thank you so much for listening
(you all are amazing that way!),
~muse

((((((((Muse)))))))

((((((((((((( muse ))))))))))))))

I understand. It's horrible.

here's some information on Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder:

What a panic attack feels like.

The main symptom of a Panic Anxiety Disorder is the panic attack itself. Panic Anxiety Disorder is a medical disorder characterized by severe and sudden episodes.

It is important to mention that sudden episodes of the symptoms listed above caused by another reasonable cause are not panic attacks. Two such reasonable causes would be (1) a certain medical ailment that might mimic a panic attack, or (2) a life threatening experience immediately preceding the attack. If these reasonable causes are found not be the cause of the problem then there is the possibility of a Panic Disorder.

Panic attacks reach maximum intensity within a minute or two once they begin. They diminish slowly over the next 30 minutes or the next several hours. It is common for the first attack to cause a person to go to an emergency medical facility. Subsequent attacks occur several times a month and are often as severe as the initial attack.

About three fourths of Panic Disorder patients are women. Panic Anxiety Disorder begins most often when people are 20-30 years old. It begins less often in teenagers or persons in their forties. It is uncommon for the disorder to appear in the elderly for the first time.

It is important to note that although a few experts say it is more common in persons who experienced a separation experience as a child, many of experts feel that Panic Anxiety Disorder afflicts emotionally healthy people. Persons having Panic attacks are no more likely than the average American to have suffered from emotional problems at the time the disorder begins.

Symptoms of a Panic Attack

* raging heartbeat
* difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air
* terror that is almost paralyzing
* nervous, shaking, stress
* heart palpitation, feeling of dread
* dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
* trembling, sweating, shaking
* choking, chest pains, distress
* fear, fright, afraid, anxious
* hot flashes, or sudden chills
* tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
* fearful that you're going to go crazy or are about to die

From the site: http://www.anxietypanic.com/signs.html

Muse, I use to sort of do what you describe, be able to be "normal" when other people came in the room but not when I was alone. It looks like "you" are taking care of yourself though, able to do that "switch" when you need to so maybe you need the stress reliever from the build-up. I would work on not being so hard on yourself, appreciate how wonderful your mind is that it can do that for you.

The more comfortable I got in my skin, knowing "I" would take care of me so I wasn't embarrassed around others or so if things were too difficult I would get help/respond in a helpful way for "me" I was able to kind of "ignore" the reactions, knowing my body and symptoms would take care of their selves and get to working on my problems instead. Sometimes, if I didn't like a reaction I was able to distract myself, deliberately go to where other people were out "outside" into the "real" world, etc. so they'd stop for a bit. Mine were mostly "thinking" and crying though (and worry/despair).

Mine are much the same, Perna, and Kimmy, I do experience several of those symptoms. I guess what's tough for me is that my triggers don't just "go away", and I can't get away from them, nor will I ever be able to. Kind of annoying, that. It's weird, though... once it's started, it almost hurts more/is harder to TRY and make the attack stop than it is to be having one. o.O That's just bizarre, I know.

Still, thank you all so much for the advice and support!! I really appreciate it.

many thanks,
~muse

((((muse)))) My panic attack symptoms are different from yours. I get nauseous and dizzy and can't swallow and feel like I'm choking. I know how upsetting and scary and frustrating it is when you haven't had one for a while, and you feel like you're getting better and then BAM! you have another one. I used to worry that if I had one, it meant that they were going to start happening all the time like before... and that would just increase my anxiety. I've realized that they're just temporary setbacks for me, though. Just because I have one today, it doesn't mean I'll have one tomorrow. I sometimes go months without having one and the periods between attacks have gotten longer and longer. I hope you can just put this down to you being human. We have triggers that can set us off when anxiety is particularly high. It doesn't mean we're not getting better.

Hi Muse,

One thing that caught my attention in your message is that you thought it might just be bad PMS. So your panic attack may be totally hormone related.

Not to get too personal, but do you have "normal" periods? The reason I'm asking is because we just discovered a condition in my 15-year old daughter called PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome).....basically cysts in the ovaries. But it's more of a hormone condition than a reproductive condition. And among some of the symptoms that can occur when it's time to ovulate is crying spells, anxiety, depression, feeling really messed up inside but not being able to explain why or what it is. If your panic attacks only occur during the time of PMS, maybe this is something you could research.

You can PM me if you want. But I may be WAAAYYYY off base. I just saw "PMS", and thought hormones and PCOS.

God bless,
Sandy

Actually, that's an interesting thought... I'll be sure to keep that in mind. While my periods are fairly normal and regular, I'll have to keep track of when my attacks occurr in relation to them. Thanks much for that.

Juliana, thanks yet again. All your advice and support has been really helpful to me... and yes, I'm beginning to allow myself to realize that maybe I can't "fix" this by myself, and maybe it's not the end of the world that I need some help. Took me a heckuva while, but it's better than nothing. Hopefully I'll actually get the help I need... it'll be so hard to actually bug my parents for *shudder* therapy.

you all are wonderful,
~muse

I can't turn off my attacks, chat, and then go back to the attack. Something might distract me and I might be able to calm down, but I don't really "pause" in the attack. I usually would be ok after I calmed down (except for the misery of what my life is like, and having to worry about the next attack).