I am split....always, always split. And it is very stressful, because both sides of me are pulling in opposite directions....

....and so the end result is the two sides of the split cancel each other out....and I go nowhere....

....here is a specific split I'm dealing with now:

*One side*: looking into buying my first home - though it is stressful and I have no idea if I am emotionally ready for such responsibility....i still feel like i'm 16 (though I'm 33)...should a 16-year old buy a house?

*Other side*: I have a personal suicide kit...all ready and just waiting.

so one side is looking toward buying a home and the other side is looking to "not be".

and i just sit here in the middle.......

[pegasus]

(((((((( Ipse Dixit ))))))))))))

I hope you have a therapist that you can talk to about this.

Please take care.

Ipse, Yes I know exactly what you mean. I talked to T once, no many times about my "back up" my suicide plans, she asked me is that a way I guarentee myself a get out clause if life doesn't go my way???? I didn't like hearing that then, but she was right, yes I bargain with life, and I need to take that step INTO LIFE 100% except thats easier said than done I know.

ANyways I wish you well! take care!