[Macd123]

Boy I can feel my age today. It's depressing because it reminds me that I don't have the energy level I want to have for life in general. Man when I think of how fast time went by it makes me curse my own mortality. In the mirror I can see the wrinkles of time and they are not kind. Trouble is I spent much of my youthful years either sedated by drugs or panic stricken by my surroundings. So here I am much older and still hoping to fulfill some kind of missed opportunity. I fear regret is all I might eventually have - I just know that something is lost in the murky waters of time. Recently, I've noticed some trouble recalling names and places - people remind me its just age but I hate it because it just reminds me how far I've come without really living. I've always thought I was generally an intelligent person with something to give to society. That potential has yet to leave the closet and now I'm battling the fatigue and gray reflection that comes with age. What I want is a miracle, something that will replace the granite in my head with gold. I want pictures of people I knew not blank canvasses. I want to laugh. I want.

[Micnerd]

First of all : there is no miracle to waiting for,you have to make one.
second: if you want to start from some where , buy this book as soon as possible and start to read it : The magic of thinking big by david j schwartz.
third : i think youre running out of short and long goals. make some plans from what u want to be in next days,next years.write down your goals and think about the ways that u will reach them.
fourth: read the book i mentioned above.

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[francisR]

Hi Macd

Age is just a state of mind. Research has revealed that the old are just as capable of learning new things such the young. So if you feel young. Then you are.

Your young days are in the past and drugs are no longer a problem. The question now is the future. Having a real purpose to go on does help. This could be a charitable cause that attracts or reconnecting with something that really fired you up in earlier times, either of which could give you a consuming purpose making life fulfilling and worthwhile.

Even the young forget people's names. And certainly I can empathize with you feeling you have not really lived. I could say the same of myself. Suffering from positive permanent emotional numbness and having had depression and anxiety. But I just keep on doing the very best I can to try to reach out to people, and that lets me know that at least I am trying to make a difference. You could do the same.

Once you decide how you want to make a difference. That potential really will leave the closet. Indeed, it is what we do for others. That becomes our lasting legacy. I really hope and pray everything works out well for you. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis