I don't know how to feel

I had to do a presentation at work today. Speaking in front of people is so far out of my comfort zone it's untrue. But I have to take my turn. It's only half an hour. There were only 7 people.

There's a handout that I have to give out & then talk the group through each page. I got to the third or fourth page & my mind just went blank.

I just sat there with 7 people looking at me. I looked down at the page & apologised & took a couple of deep breaths & tried to carry on. But now the adrenalin had kicked in & my voice was shaking & I could barely breathe & my mouth and lips were so dry the felt like they'd swollen up. I kept going. It happened again on the next page. I apologised again & all I could think of was running out of that room in tears & asking a colleague to carry on in my place. But I didn't & I carried on & the adrenalin subsided & I got through it & I think the last 20 mins were OK all things considered.

But it's bothered me all day. I can't get out of my head how unprofessional I must have looked. I'm know when my turn comes again I'm going to be so anxious a full blown anxiety attack is likely. I just don't see how I'm going to do it. I'm crying just thinking about it.

I feel like I should be proud I made it through. But I'm so embarrassed at what happened. I have to work with the 7 people. I just...I really don't know what I feel & have no idea how to avoid a repeat or worse next time around.

You have a lovely name! It happens to the best of us! Try not to be too hard on yourself, you got through it and next time you will find it much easier. Hugs.

I don't think there's many people who would say they enjoy speaking in front of a group of people. Is there someone you can ask to rehearse with, so you can get used to speaking like that?

I mainly focus on the material and try to put the people out of my mind.

You did the best you could and you rebounded. So don't beat yourself up over it.

I totally know what you're describing. That has happened a few times to me at work and I still cringe remembering it. I know it affected my position at work, and my relationship with my coworkers. But looking back, I made the situation worse by withdrawing and not talking to my coworkers. I think if I would have joked about it later that would have done wonders for how I get along with coworkers and how I perceive myself. Basically I can be my best friend or my worst enemy. That's so easy to type out but much harder to live out.

You deserve praise because speaking takes courage for most people.

When you speak, place your focus on the information and purpose of your presentation. Try not to let yourself focus on how you are feeling and what might go wrong. There are almost always glitches --expect there to be stumbling points and that you will plow ahead anyway to the finish.

When my mind goes blank, I have learned it is good to summarize what I just talked about. For example you can say, "To summarize, I told you about project x and project y and the importance of each..." It gives you time to settle down and find your place again.

Public speaking is next after death what frightens people the most. I think it was extremely well done that you followed through; it shows true grit. (watch a TED talk on grit by Angela Ducksworth).
It gets better all the time, believe me. All it takes is doing it a number of times and focusing on what you're talking about. It also helps to imagine that the audience is stark naked, it makes them less intimidating

That's amazing! It takes incredible strength to push through that sort of anxiety. I know it's much easier said than done, but you deserve to celebrate that you pushed yourself through and did it. Chances are it was more understandable to the others there than you'd think.