[ickydog2006]

I sleep under my bed. I know it's a little strange but it works. I live in a dorm room with a roomate and she has no problem with it. I sort of make a little cave. I put my mattress under the bed and put pillows and my microwave on top as a study area. It gives me more room to sit and put my stuff, and I block off part of my bed with my dresser. Most people think it is sort of cool. I do this so it gives me somewhere to hide, like when I have a panic attack. At home I use to go in my closet but obviously a dorm doesn't have much space to hide in... so I make my own. People were looking at it today and asked me, "Do you honestly sleep under your bed?", and they said it in that tone of "you freak". Then when I said "yes" they are like, "That is really strange." And proceeded to look at me with that look of 'You are really a freak and maybe I shouldn't be seen talking with you." She's still in here getting her hair done by my roomate. All I want to do is cry. How can people be so mean and non-understanding?

I don't want to be a freak.

[ECHOES]

Since you're in college, you have a great resource available to you, student counselling. Why not sign up for some weekly therapy sessions to help you feel better?

[debbie_tabor]

Some people are not nice people and can't help being mean and non-understanding. They are the people to ignore and take no notice of like they don't exist in your life. Hang with the people who think your cave is sort of cool!

[ickydog2006]

I was in counseling all last year here and the first week I was back I signed up again. It has helped a lot and it's also how I ended up on meds again, which I am very thankful for. (Both my counselor and doctor here thought it would be a good idea since my OCD and anxiety were getting out of control). It's still hard though when things like this come up.

[ECHOES]

I'm glad to hear you are in counseling!

Maybe you could work with the counselor on another way to feel better and safe when having a panic attack in additon to or instead of sleeping under the bed. Have you tried relaxation exercises on a regular basis as well as for when crises come up? They helped me a lot is why I ask.

It is unusual for someone to sleep under the bed, true. How people react to that is about them, not about you. When someone can't or won't try to understand something or someone it comes out as non-accepting and that can hurt unless you can see that it's about them and their inability to understand. Many people just cannot understand something they have never experienced. It takes thought and careful consideration to be able to do that and some just can't; they quickly jump from thinking about it as if it's a hot coal.

So, since we can't control other's thoughts and actions, they get to think and act/react as they will. I notice you overlayed your thoughts onto their reaction by stating they were thinking something along the lines of they shouldn't be talking to you; in reality that is your thought and you don't know what their thought is unless they offer it or you ask. Try to notice when you're making your thoughts someone else's as I know from experience that often creates unecessary hurt since the thoughts begin within you, get applied to the other person, then cause you to feel hurt. I hope that makes sense to you.

Regardless, I'm sorry your panic makes you feel unsafe and I'm also sorry that you felt hurt.

[wickedwings]

ickydog, ((((hello)))) hey, it is cool that you made a cave out of your bed. i used to do that when i was a kid. loved caves. not just caves. i want to create a cave. sorry, your post about making one for your sleeping place resurrected my memories of making a cave for my bed. don't worry, you're not weird. you're fine. it is unusual, sure, but there's nothing wrong with it at all.

ickydog - Don't feel bad, as when I get scared I tend to sleep in my closet and I don't usually give a dang who sees me as long as I am not so anxious.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((ickydog))))

You are not weird or a freak. You are a person with feelings and deserve to be heard and respected. We do whatever it takes to make it and survive. I think that you are creative and taking care of you. That is the important thing. You deserve to be heard and validated for how you feel. You deserve to be accepted for you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. But know you are cared about and listened to. Keep reaching and posting. We care and are here for you.

camilionwords1truth

[ickydog2006]

Thanks for the support everyone. Rainbowzz, that's what I did at home, I would curl up in my closet with my comforter, however my closet here is so stuffed that I can't fit in it. Also I think that would creep my roomate out more than my bed being a cave. I'm glad she is at least fine with my bed being the way it is. It is comorting to know that I am not alone in this.

(((((((hugs))))))))

[dlong66]

that's pretty interesting because when i went through a period of what was diagnosed as panic attacks, or should i say when i was actually having one, all i wanted to do was get my car and drive to the hospital. the last thing i wanted to do was close myself up in something. i had to at least get up go out and do something to get my mind off of what was happening. good luck

[FnordianSlip]

ickydog,

i made alot of caves as a kid too. when i went to college the dorms had bunk beds. i slept in the bottom bunk bed, but used blankets like curtains to make my cave. now that i live alone, my whole house is my cave. when i'm out and about and have a panic attack,if i can retreat to my car then i usually get to feeling better faster because my car is my mobile cave - though not so good as my home cuz i haven't gotten around to installing curtains in the car...yet. which to my way of thinking is an excellent idea. thanks for inspiring me, o fellow cave-dweller.

(((hugs))) when I am stressed.. I sleep in "safe" places too.. in my other house it was my closet... in this house.. I got a poster bed and it makes it's own cave..with curtains all around (the closets are really small cause it is an old house)... so I completely understand.. and think it's a good way to go.. during the day.. you have more room...

[ickydog2006]

It is so nice to know I am not alone in this.

never alone...

[turquoisesea]

I sometimes have that tendency to hide in a small area too... it's comforting... if you think about it in a way it's a completely natural thing. By sleeping under a bed in a "cave" you have created, you basically are making a spot in the room that is just for you , a place where you can ignore outside stimuli, and can RELAX AND BE COMFORTABLE. It's so undertsandable that you'd want such a space ESPECIALLY with a roommate; I had on last year and it was hard.

Don't worry about what other people say. Lots of times, people can be surprisingly dismissive of anything different to them.

By the way how well do you and your roommate get along?