How do you get the crying all out of you?

How is a person who was beaten as a child when she cried supposed to cry? How do you get it all out of you? This week one of the people I love best in the whole world died and I can't deal...can't get my tears out.

I start crying and then I remember what they did to me in the past and it stops. I feel like I'm drowing inside.

I don't even expect anyone to have an answer. Maybe there isn't one.

Jan

awwwwww, (((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))). My heart just aches for you. I wish I had an answer. I go through the same thing for the same reason, but with expressing anger. After nearly a decade of therapy, I still haven't solved it.

Why don't you come on over and we'll cry together. Maybe that will make it less scary. I promise I won't hurt you for it.

Love you,
Candy

((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))

Thank you.

Hugs,

Jan

I have the same problem with pee :-) I was beaten for going to the bathroom so I don't ever go. Over the years I've finally straightened a few things out with hard work and, my favorite part, I go to the bathroom the most in the middle of the night (when there's no one there to see, criticize, complain, comment, etc.; when it's quiet and "safe").

Pay attention to your crying, where and when and how much, etc. and what you're saying to yourself and how you answer and all that. There's no one right way to cry. Figure out a way that helps you, words/stories that encourage you (how about sad books and movies, can you cry then? "Practice" with them?) and "work" on it over the years and you'll be fine I think. I talk to my body too, apologize for the pain I cause it and thank it for helping me the way it does, etc. I still have problems, can't do urine tests at the hospital, that sort of thing which is embarrassing as I have to explain that I can't "urinate on demand." But don't worry about other people and what they think or even say -- just concentrate on getting where you want to be with crying.

You have to give permission to Little Jan to cry. The little girl who just wanted to be loved and hugged and soothed and heard and seen.

Tell her it is okay to cry. That she didn't do anything wrong. That she is/was loveable. Only then, when she knows YOU give her permission, can all those forbidden tears fall.

I heard a woman say the other day on TV something like, "Life is like a flower. It needs both sun and water to grow. If you left it in the light all day it would wither. Think of these tears as the water. They will help you grow."

((( Hugs to all the inner Januarys )))

{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}

(((((((((January))))))))))

(((((((((((((( Friends ))))))))))))))

Thank you so much. I just ... I don't think I have the words.

Hugs,

Jan

Jan if you could get a CD of Shania Noll : You can relax now" that and a soft cuddly stuffed animal, cuddle under a warm blanket the tears will come, I was also beaten only I was an adult my abuser beat me every time I cried from his beatings, it took many years but it can be overcome
Love
Angie

(((JAN))) Gentle, comforting hugs if they are okay.

I understand and I'm so sorry you have lost someone dear.

I seem to go to one extreme or the other. Sometimes I cry and can't stop.. for hours, days.

Many times though, I just cannot cry. There seems to be no point and it is a carryover from my youth, when to keep myself from even beginning to cry I would ask myself "What is the point.. when there is no one to comfort you?".

The point...is that you are entitled to your feelings. Your punishment for having those feelings was cruel and was really about your abuser's inabilities (to understand, to empathize, to show love and comfort, to control him/her self).

Cry and celebrate your feelings of love and loss, for your friend as well as yourself.



I hope you feel better very soon.

((((((( Jan )))))

I know how frustrated you must feel, although for different reasons. I don't have the answer for it, but you are not alone. I'm sorry about the loss you experienced...