knowing isn't helping

having so many episodes lately, some panic and some paranoia. not sure which is worse. with the panic i'm exhausted anticipating them having them and then recovering. and the exhaustion tends to lead to the paranoia though sometimes that happens on its own. and worst part is no one understands how bad the panic is. my ex will try to tell me its ok im not really dying but that doesnt help. even though i almost know and almost believe im not actually dying i'm still in some way sure i am. its worse when i'm alone. i tell myself over and over i'm not dying but i'm terrified and my hearts racing and i'm sure i'm going to die. the paranoia only seems to happen when i'm alone and i try to tell myself its all in my head but i dont believe it for a second. im barely functioning lately. its frustrating and depressing and i dont want to be medicated. that seems like the obvious solution but i wind up with other problems, some physical. dont know what to do anymore.

Ah yes, I hate when other people (or even myself) points out the obvious, that it will end or is not real, etc. and it doesn't help at the moment. I use to get almost suicidal a few days before my period when I was in my mid-20's and it didn't matter that it was related ot my period and I knew it would go away in a day or two.

You got any things you really "love" a "happy shirt" for example that you could go put on or a ritual that is calming you can go to and do? Don't bother arguing with yourself if it doesn't work! If you feel horrible, do it "right" and feel like you feel!

Another thing to try; maybe you can distract yourself by "exaggerating" how you feel? If you're alone and feeling paranoid, start looking under the furniture :-) anything that seems "ridiculous" and might make you laugh. If you feel like you're going to die, lie down on the floor or something, exaggerate/act out the feeling? "Go with it".

When I'm having panic I try to do something to take my mind off of it---I know how hard that is when it's happening. You need a support network. When I'm having panic about something I look for reassurance from my family and friends....because they are able to look at it rationally to make me realize it is all in my mind and I'm NOT dying. Remember, your brain can cause physical symptoms that are not life threatening even if they feel that way. Youre fine. You will get over it and will become stronger. I dont like medication either but I have tried Ativan 1 mg for those occassional times where the panic has escalated. It does work and if you stick with only as needed it is not physically harmful to your body. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor you shouldn't have to suffer like that!