please let go
let me free
your grip is tight
please set me free....
you mess with my head
and confuse my heart
my eyes are dead
don't let this start....
that vice is tight
i can't breathe
you won't let me fight
your we you weave.
let me go let me go
please leave me alone
motion is slow
You're hurting so....
I hate you so much
I hate you to see
I loathe your touch
Anxiety.......

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My friend who ironically is a psychiatrist (not mine!) tells me, as a result of seeing many non-functioning patients, if you can get up out of bed in the morning, dress yourself, shower, etc. all on your own, feed yourself and generally get through the day, you are better off then 90% of the people he sees who would give anything to be able to do these very simple life functions.
Perhaps if you focus on the gifts you already have and meditate on them, your anxiety will subside.
I know that sounds just like a cliche, but anxiety can be replaced by peace if you dwell on the good things in your life.
It won't go away on its own.

[Labyssum]

Wow, you're good with words.

gtrplayer it's very easy for you to say. I have lived with this for over 30 years by wearing a mask, I have to deal with this in the way my pdoc teaches me, that is by coming to terms with the abuse, learning to cope with it and it will take a long time. wouldn't life be easy if we could all focus on our gifts and forget the stress. I'm well aware that it wont go away on its own thankyou. I am trying very very hard to get through this, I know there are people worse off than me, I am here for support, I am here to get better, I am here to talk to others who have been what I've been through, without wanting to offend, unless you know what you are talking about butt out.

I don't like being told 'get over it'. Why don't you go read a book on survivors of sexual and emotional abuse then come back when you know what you are talking about. Jinny

(((((((((labyssum thankyou so much for your words))))))))))hugs

Jinny

ok, sorry.

sorry if I was a bit harsh. I'm just trying so so hard. I have great days and I am really positive. I meditate in a way, I do relaxation excercises and a nurse who comes to help me manage my stress. I've had a terrible day and I just blew when I read your post. I know you're only trying to help, but when I read it it sounded like something my mum would say, she was one of my abusers, you didn't know that, I'm sorry.

jin

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))

[50guy]

Get over it? I will never get over the sexual abuse I was put through. Accept it, yes, acknowledge it, yes. Get buzy living, absolutely but, never will I get over something that I was not able to prevent. Force by someone stronger, bigger and threatening to harm your Mother because you had no father at home. How the hell do you "get over it".

(((((((((((((50guy)))))))))))

That's my point, unless you've been abused you can't possibly understand, I agree with you about dealing with it etc, but I'll never get over it, I was a small girl, he was a 6 foot 2 guy and built like a brick house.

love to you, Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

For the record, I would never be so presumptuous as to tell jinny or anyone to get over it, as it relates to abuse...and those were not my words.
I was only trying to respond in an uplifting, perhaps inspirational way.
I will not make posts like that anymore.

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
gtrplayer said:
I was only trying to respond in an uplifting, perhaps inspirational way.
I will not make posts like that anymore.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh, no, gtrplayer, keep making posts like that! That they're misunderstood by some is a given and no reason to apologize or quit trying. I liked your story from the "top" looking down (psychiatrist who sees many people in worse shape than we can imagine) and its reminder how my abuse is only a "part" of my life, how I've lived through and beyond it and the choice of what to think about/focus on in/from all my life experiences is mine.

[50guy]

Now that's all fine and dandy for you to have lived through it and beyond it but, you don't know what kind of abuse we or others suffered at the hands of an abuser. To make a general statement of there are others worse off than you is nonsense. That Pdoc needs a Pdoc. If that is the kind of counsel he dispenses I suggest he get a peer review.

[Divaluscious]

I don't know how anyone read that out of gtrplyr's words.

It seems like there is some serious cognitive distortion going on in the posting in this thread. It was only supposed to be a helpful positive comment?

Although, I disagree with what the psychiatrist friend says - a friend of mine who is also a psyc spent a long time persuading me that just because I was able to function and do well at work, it did not mean that I was any less sick than a lot of other people.

His words were "Some of the most depressed and ill people I have ever seen have also been some of the successful in many other aspects of their lives".

I take from that, that someone who can't function day to day isn't necessarily any more ill than someone who does, but blocks their demons enough to go through the motions. Basically a stronger personality or stronger willpower perhaps.

[Divaluscious]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
[b]jinnyann said:[
without wanting to offend, unless you know what you are talking about butt out.

I don't like being told 'get over it'. Why don't you go read a book on survivors of sexual and emotional abuse then come back when you know what you are talking about. Jinny


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

ZOMG!

Is this how people really communicate on this forum?

The 'apology' sounds very trite to me, and is no excuse for the initial post.

You have time to consider what you wrote before you push 'submit'. It is called impulse control

I think this poster should be censored, or at the very least this thread moderated

[Fuzzybear]

When someone apologizes to me, I try to take it at face value.

For me, I found the different opiniions and viewpoints and methods of expressing viewpoints helpful (diversity) And that includes your post too!

divaliscious it may have sounded trite to you, part of my problem MY problem is that I have been criticised and put down all my life and I initially took gtr players posting as insensitive. I realise there are people worse off than me, that doesn't mean I don't hurt too, we all have our own opinions, I was having an extremely bad day as I said in my apology, that was My issue and I explained that to gtrplayer - my apology was sincere, your post has upset me, so that makes you in my opinion insensitive. I also pmed gtr player and explained why I reacted like that, i THOUGHT this matter was over.
I do try and focus on my gifts and try to pick out the good things and not dwell, but if everyone could do that there would be no need for sites like this. Please don't say I need to be censored, I also post a lot of positive helpful things on this site too, this was a one off. I suppose you have never done anything on the spur of the moment in your life have you.

Jin

FOR THE RECORD DIVA, YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE COULD HAVE MISCONSTRUED GTRPLAYERS POST, that is you sweetie, we are all different, I already admitted I was at fault and apologised for my behaviour, why drag it out?

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
50guy said:
Now that's all fine and dandy for you to have lived through it and beyond it but, you don't know what kind of abuse we or others suffered at the hands of an abuser.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

50guy you too have lived through and beyond your abuse! It didn't just happen did it? You are a survivor. {{{50guy}}}

((((((((((gtrplayer)))))))))

(((((((((((perna))))))))))

(((((((((((((50guy))))))))

it's impossible to think alike in these situations I apologised, please leave it at that, I hate confrontation. I am entitled to my opinions, at the time I didn't think I should hold my opinion back. I have problems with impulsive behaviour too, I really don't think I deserve to be patronised about something I apologised for.

jin

i personally found your post to be very uplifting but i'm in a good place right now......folks in other places in their lives will of course take it differently.......i think that jinny was alittle harsh to begin with but her apology was heartfelt...if you know jinny at all..you know that she is a most loving lady......and if you know gtrplayer at all you know that he is a very kind man.......

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Perna )))))))))))))

((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))

((((((((((( gtrplayer ))))))))))))

((((((((((((( 50guy )))))))))))))))

((((((((((butterfly)))))))))))

thankyou sweetie, love you Kerry xoxoxoxoxo

[50guy]

Hey everyone,

{{{{{hugs to all of you}}}}

It's all good on my end. No hard feelings here ever.

Face to face is way better that posting on a computer, know what I mean?

Perna, yep, I'm way past it. I have accepted that it happened, don't understand why me but, I can deal with it.

Everyone has a different experiance but, we have one thing in common, some deranged freak took liberties with us that we didn't want taken.

(((((((50guy)))))

I am just starting therapy, intense therapy after 30+ years, so I am not where you are, but you are an inspiration, knowing I can and will get past it. Thankyou, hugs, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxxoxo

I never meant to hurt either despite my first post, that is what is good about this site, I learn as I go along not to be so impulsive, I regret my outburst, I can't say any more.

Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

Is it possible this is having a happy ending?
I see lots of hugs and love expressed!
So maybe getting people talking about what's bothering them and getting their hurt off their mind, even if temporarily, and even if through distraction, one's mood can perhaps be changed for the better.
....maybe a little?
At least jinnyann and i are now friends!

yay ((((((gtrplayer))))))

we are friends, just goes to show what lack of communication does. We talked about it and sorted it out, I'm so glad we are friends

Jin xx