[lildaisy]

Hi y'all,

I'm quite ashamed to write this, but I'm going to do it anyway.
I have always been an anxious person and for the last two years I have been through a rough time. However, it's going pretty well lately.

Despite this, since a week or 2, I suddenly got a vague fear that does affect my daily life. I am constantly worried that everything around me is fake, that I am in a coma or that I am dreaming. That everything that happened in my life, and now happens in my life, has never happened, and never is happening. That the people I love do not even exist. It sounds really crazy now I am writing this down .. I do not understand where this fear suddenly comes from though. I also wonder whether I actually believe in it, or whether it is more of a fear itself. I think it is mainly fear.

But I keep wondering why we are here on earth, what I am doing here in the world. Why I look like the way I look. I want to have answers to everything, because I feel so unsafe in one way or another.
When you think about it, life is very vague, right? We do not even know why we are here, how we got here and what it would be like if life had never been possible. Then there was just nothing at all .. How strange is that? I probably think too much and too deep and sometimes I am almost afraid of becoming psychotic, although I have never had psychoses.

Every time I experience something fun, I think: 'There is no point in enjoying it, because it is not real. This is your experience, but the people around you are not real. Maybe you are controlled like in a computer game, or you are in a coma and this is all an illusion. '
I find it difficult to explain ... I also do not know if there is a type of underlying depression. Somewhere I am afraid of death, on the other hand I long for death because I want to know what happens then, and I feel like I am going crazy about the concerning and anxious thoughts.

Like I said, I have had a difficult period and am now recovering from it. Things are finally getting better and I feel happier, but now I think: 'It does not matter how I feel, because everything is fake.'
For example, I like being with people I love, helping people I love. But there is no point in helping people I love if these people don't even exist.
Maybe this is a kind of de-realization / depersonalization, or I'm just going crazy. I just think it's a very scary idea that we do not know why we are here. There is just no explanation and that makes me all think of things myself ...
I am now also afraid that I will never be able to enjoy life again because I am afraid that life does not exist at all.

In any case, I will stop rattling now. I wondered if anyone has any idea what this is, and why I suddenly think this way. And if someone recognizes it .. On google I came across some recognizable experiences. Nevertheless, I like to post my own story here.

[Skeezyks]

Well... I'm not qualified to suggest what it is you're experiencing or why it is you're thinking this way. Perhaps it's simply the result of a build-up of anxiety? However, from my perspective, this is something you really need to work through with a mental health professional. Otherwise, any suggestions you get are as likely to be wrong as they are right. And they may just make you even more concerned than you already are. Under any circumstances, there's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Here are links to a couple of articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some help with what you are experiencing:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...sive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...oning-reality/

[comeintothehole]

Hi, I'm late but I'd love to answer your question.
Look, some time ago I would have identified myself a lot with that. But today I see how it makes no sense to think like that, I mean, ARE WE HERE, RIGHT? I AND YOU AND THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND THERE SHOULD BE A SENSE FOR ALL THAT. And as much as we do not know (and probably will never know) it is important that we look on the other side. These thoughts will not help you in your recovery, they will only sink you deeper, I mean, how could they help you? So after I started to think like that, after I started to stop looking for meaning in life and tried to make sense of it, everything changed.
It is common to have episodes of depersonalization when you are anxious, especially if you are curious and want to frantically find out everything about everything. The origin of life. Take it easy. Because you will not get there.
In my case I wanted a proof at my feet that God existed. So I, being unable to do worse, decided to search for reasons to believe and not believe in God. And everything, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, about both beliefs made sense. And it started to eat me up and eat me alive. I was in such a big crisis and I did not know where to run. But one day, I decided I would take it easy and, talking to other people also got the help needed.
From what I have read, your case is more to the derealization than the depersonalization itself. Although it could be both. Research it.
It is very common to feel this, studies say that everyone will have at least one episode in life.
Just try not to feed those thoughts.
But anyway, I think what I have to tell you is this: Take it easy and I'll be here if you need to.

[lildaisy]

Thank you so much for your response!
I feel a bit better now I share my thoughts instead of keeping it to myself. It also helps me to be with other people and have distraction.
But sometimes all of a sudden I feel REALLY axious and I have these thoughts like: what if all of this isn't real? I will never find out whether other people are truly alive , that they are in the same room as I am right now, perhaps this is a dream. It sounds so silly now I am writing this but sometimes it suddenly attacks me, that anxiety feeling. did you also experience that? So not only wanting to know why we are here, but also the anxiety feeling of 'what if I am not really alive..'? Feels really like you are trapped or something. I just can't understand life but you are right - we all don't know why we are here and probably we will never really know..

Btw I wish you all a happy new year

[comeintothehole]

Happy New year

[comeintothehole]

Well, yes, I experienced it all exactly this way and I don't think I actually talked to anyone at the time, but I don't regret it.
The problems exist and we should not give in to them, for if we do, we will be doing everything we should not do. You control your problems. You who faces them. This is the nature of life. And this is part of his maturation. That was another thought that helped me. You know, you'd be surprised at the number of people going through existential crises. Obviously, they present themselves in different ways and each faces them differently, but yes, everyone goes through it. Especially in the youth that is when we want to understand everything and know ourselves (and even if this is not the case, okay, each one in its time). We are constantly getting to know ourselves. And when you get out of it, you're somebody else.
Think about it: (as much as you're not religious or believe in some God or something greater) what would become of us without the problems? We would have everything in hand and there would be no evolution, either as a person or spiritist.
I know it's easy to talk but it's not like I've never been through it. I went through all this. To be here today and be able to tell you that you can too. And I can assure you it's worth it.
And no, your feelings do not seem ridiculous. Give them value.
And another way I found to distract myself from all of this was to try to get to know myself better and read about things that I liked (or even about similar experiences). I REALLY HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS OR WHAT I WANTED. So I decided to take some time for me. This helped me a bit, because when you know who you are, you know how to control your feelings, you know what you should do for yourself or not. I also learned to say more the word "no" (something very important). Sometimes, when I'm worried about the point where such a crisis hits me, I think, "No, Laura, you're not going to feed this." and then I get distracted by something again. Just accept that it is a phase that you have to go through and does not prohibit you from feeling your feelings. You have the right.

You have described a lot of what I have felt. It helps to know other people feel this too. Just a couple days ago, I thought I was a computer program, and not a person. The reason I thought this was because there will be times of eerie synchronicity. For example, I will be reading a word just as someone says it...but this will seem to happen multiple time over a period of days. I used to shrug that off as weird, but lately think similar thoughts as you have described. I will share with you something I have discovered about this. It may just be my own experience, but I think this has to do with some kind of brain injury. It doesn't have to be a major injury, so don't worry about that. I think it can also be from medications, too much sugar, caffeine or alcohol. I had a toxic experience with mercury in a medication. I was having the awful physical symptoms, but the derealization/depersonalization got much worse. I felt comfort in the fact that the DR/DP meant that my brain was trying to heal itself. It makes sense that your brain would put itself into a dreamlike state, so as not to have to expend more energy processing information while trying to recover. It's why we sleep, after all. You mentioned that you had gone through a hard time. I would consider that another form of brain trauma. While you are experiencing stress, there are neurochemical processes that can change your brain, but luckily our brains have neuroplasticity, which just means that damage in one part, will prompt growth or compensation in another part. What has helped me are my pets, and really trying to take it easy and get enough sleep. I have made an effort to avoid negative stress as much as possible. I have noticed that when I cannot, I revert back a little into DP/DR. Do not worry, it will get better with rest.

[Lovely_Bones]

Originally Posted by lildaisy

But I keep wondering why we are here on earth, what I am doing here in the world. Why I look like the way I look.

We do not even know why we are here, how we got here and what it would be like if life had never been possible. Then there was just nothing at all .. How strange is that? I probably think too much and too deep and sometimes I am almost afraid of becoming psychotic, although I have never had psychoses.

Somewhere I am afraid of death, on the other hand I long for death because I want to know what happens then, and I feel like I am going crazy about the concerning and anxious thoughts.

You see, the answers to all those questions cannot derive from a psychiatrist.
These are metaphysical questions and astronomers / cosmologists may give you a hint.

A professional in psychology/psychiatry may give you answers regarding why you are having these thoughts but not the answers to the questions themselves.

The truth is that we don't know why we exist. The logical explanation is because we can

What happens after life? Most likely the same as before birth: Nothing.
What is the meaning of life? There is no meaning, just be happy and creative.

Just like me, you seem to suffer from extreme anxiety and possibly bipolar disorder (we used to call that manic depression back in my old days).

The only known cure to anxiety is love and compassion... accompanied by pharmaceutical substances.