what do you wish your loved ones understood?

Hi everybody,

Really glad to be here, I'm reading your posts and learning a lot. My boyfriend has anxiety and a panic disorder. He has done a lot of hard work, and is experiencing a really rough, low week, the first like this in our relationship.

If your loved ones could understand something they don't understand about anxiety and panic, what would it be? If there is something you wish they got but don't get? Something about how it feels, what you need, what you experience, something you wish your partner or other loved ones could really see?

And is there something you wish they did, said, didn't do, or didn't say, when you're having anxiety or experiencing panic?

I love him so much, he is kind with a deep and beautiful heart, and such a good man, and it's hard seeing him in such pain and not knowing what to do and how to help. I want to be here for him, in all the ways I can, and I know part of that is opening to learning and being as empathetic as I can. All insights and suggestions SO welcome.

MB

Hello mamabear: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...ks-or-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-with-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-you...-panic-attack/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...xious-partner/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/anxie...es-a-long-way/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/anxie...omment-page-1/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/welln...-relationship/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

I wish they would understand that when my anxiety peaks I don't intend to be irritable or mean. When I say I need to be alone, I NEED to be alone.

And when we are having conversations, if I start to get quiet and respond with only yes, uh-huh, or grunts, it means I am getting stressed and don't want to talk any longer.

that "it will be all right" sometimes just isn't enough. that to the person suffering the anxiety, it's a real genuin fear- no matter how stupid it is to the loved one, it's real to them and they need to support them

also that people don't always know why something makes them anxious, and they should respect that

using me as an example, I'm agoraphobic

I know I am agoraphobic, and I know I can't go outside, but why, I don't know. is it the air?. the crowds?. the new setting?. I don't know.

people need to take all factors in to account of why someone might be anxious about something is what I'm saying

just recently I revealed to someone I trusted (or thought i trusted) that I was worried that a certain person would abuse me

their response was just

no...... they won't

I think to them it's like.. well that's really helpfull, but to the actual sufferer that's like saying to them well... it's okay to go in the elevator, it's not going to get stuck

it's asuring nothing