Woke up with a knot like a planet this morning. Mother did it again. I asked her to keep out of my life in the nicest possible way just til I have been through therapy for a while. She keeps phoning my best friend, who tells me everything and I tell her.
I didn't rec a bd card, which left me upset and is totally contradicting what I'm saying I know.....I posted in abuse about that......nos she's saying she sent a card with money in it and did I receive it?????? What is going on? Lost in post (bit coicidental) playing games?....probably.......forgot her only childs birthday and posted late........wouldn't put it past her!!

stupid things like this are setting of my anxiety, supposed to be going to a bonfire party tonight, I really am not in the mood to face the world at all right now, I could quite happily be a hermit crab, live under a rock and procrastinate for ever.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nope still dont feel better........

sorry, had to get all this off my chest.

jin x

[ECHOES]

Why is your friend telling you things that hurt you? I wonder if your mother is playing into the friendship, knowing what she says will be relayed. Could be helpful for you if you find a different way to communicate with her.

I hope you'll decide to go tonight jinny. Go and let it happen and see how it goes; leave when you feel ready.

I was invited recently to a gathering last night. I wanted to go, but had a huge meltdown Thursday night that resulted in many phone calls to T and calls back from her that night and next morning. I kept thinking about this social event. (I rarely go out besides work). I decided that I was using the meltdown as a way to avoid the social event so I chose to not allow that. I also thought about how other people live their lives, and thought of one person particularly who would say at such a time, "I NEED this party!".

So, I decided I was going to be like this person, like 'some people' and go no matter what, leave if it was too uncomfortable or I just wanted to be home. It worked out for me. It was okay; I enjoyed it in spite of the meltdown the night before, the puffy eyes, the feeling exhausted.

So, since it worked okay for me, I want to encourage you to go tonight in spite of all the valid and understandable feelings you're having.

poor jin.. I feel ya girl. Lately I have been struggling with anxiety related to money and family too.

(((jinnyann)))

i went to the party, came home before some, after others, it was ok, spent a lot of time in garden watching fireworks, when everyone went in we came home, people were drunk and some were on drugs by the look s of them (we're not into drugs) these people we haven't known very long.

My irl best friend was there she wanted us to stay and so did her hubby, but I was bored and worried about my dog cos of thefireworks so we came home with my daughter and b/f.

thanks everyone, at least wewent lol. But I was glad to be home

Jin xx

[dragonphoto]

I am very glad that you got out Jinn, I wish we had bonfires like that around here, too dry though. Goodnight.