Boyfriend Doesn't Understand my Issues: Feel So Alone

Something seriously triggered me today and when I tried talking to my boyfriend about it, he just doesn't get it. He doesn't comfort me in the way I need to be comforted, in fact, he just makes me feel worse about myself. His approach is not very good, it feels like he criticises me. He doesn't have an anxiety disorder, so it's really hard to have him relate to what I feel. He just gets angry when he tries to comfort me and nothing helps. I really don't know what he can do to help me. The whole thing is just so extremely frustrating .

As a guy sometimes we just don't understand what you ladies need. Although I am sorry he could try harder.

I’m learning that you have to be patient with people, especially people you want long term.

You don’t know what they’re dealing with, and you can’t know for sure how they’re feeling at any moment.

They’ll say they trust you and you can talk to them anytime but trust me, I thought I had a girl like that but made things so bad that she no longer wants anything to do with me, at least for now

It’s very difficult, I’m suffering now because I wasn’t patient enough. People are very complex, they’ll change, they’ll forget things, or how they feel about you.

Find the right time to talk to your bf, or maybe just ask to set aside some time

I want to give you real advice because I was just like you are, last week, I pushed too much, now I no longer have them.

And you are right, when you have anxiety issues that other people don’t have, it’s very hard for them to relate to you. No matter how much you think they trust you or understand you, they can only do their best

Thank you, guys. We talked more about it today, and I think we have a better way to approach the issue. I have this habit of using people I'm close to as a crutch, and I've lost a friend due to this issue in the past. My boyfriend really tries his best, but it's up to me if I want to recover.

That is true; you do have be in charge of your feelings or they will run you over.

Do you have a therapist? It would help you to bring up your anxiety issues with one.

This sounds to me like mental neglect - which is a form of abuse by omission. Just what are you getting out of this relationship? Yes, I have a rather poor attitude about this, but I strongly feel that if you are feeling discouraged and unsupported - instead of encouraged and supported - that this is a problem relationship you need to evaluate. What is tying you to it? Is it worth this emotional anguish?

Sometimes we need to very specific about the type of support we need. My husband gets frustrated sometimes when he feels like he can’t help me or what he’s doing is making it worse. I try to tell him exactly what I need. “ baby what I need right now is a hug and maybe a cup of tea. I don’t really want you to try and talk me out of this mood.”