[Viewofthesky]

Sort of having a terrible midlife crisis, loads of anxiety, malaise, and close to depression. Except for my therapist, I find it hard to talk to to friends and family about the extent of it, as I don't want to worry people. In short, I lost a wonderful job in 2015, I was 48 at the time. Finding a decent job in my then field proved to be harder than I ever could have imagined. I own a small home a few hours from where I was living at the time, and thought I would have to sell it, but instead, I moved into that little house in 2016 and decided to get into a new career entirely. I made this decision in good part due to someone I was involved with in that location who I cared for. Not a brilliant move, as often is the case with moving somewhere to be with someone you are not in a committed relationship with. Cut a few years ahead, that relationship ended last year, because the guy in question backed off when we got really close, due to his own intimacy issues, and maybe because he just didn't care for me enough. Around the same time, I also lost my father. My sense of abandonment is pretty fierce. It has been almost a year, and I am nowhere near over a terribly broken heart. I am in the new career, and it is going ok. Not great, but ok. But my main problems as I see it are these. I keep looking back at the happiness I felt in that relationship and from the success I had in the prior career. I'm by nature an optimist and don't wish to believe that my best days are behind me. But I turned 50 and have been very hormonal, though not yet menopausal. I cry a lot over the relationship that meant so much to me. The little dating I've done since it ended hasn't been meaningful, I just haven't clicked with anyone. I miss my ex terribly. The area I moved to is not loaded with single men either, so prospects aren't exactly growing on trees, including online. My life feels empty, not just because of my ex's absence, but because all of the happiness and hope I used to feel about my life and my future has been stripped. Therapy and anti-depressants help a little. Not feeling able to share this stuff has me feeling isolated. I cry a lot, but am pretty functional when it comes to going to work and going out a bit socially. I know that better weather coming soon will lift my spirits and I'll find more things to do with myself, and will be more physically active. I feel like this is a classic mid life crisis and sort of an identity one too. I know it is possible to turn this around and to regain my sense of optimism, but it is a struggle to not look back at what I had and to not fear a future full of loneliness and the lack of fulfillment currently felt. I already know that keeping busy and trying to set new goals and meet new people is a necessity, but I just don't feel excited about these prospects. I feel like all of the hope I used to feel about life has just disappeared somehow. That seems to be my core issue, along with the anxiety and loneliness I feel about getting older and feeling lonely in the wake of this break up, feeling at loose ends professionally without the stature and good money I used to have and being the low person on the totem pole in the new gig, and feeling unable to talk to friends about the extent of these feelings. They know I'm in a period of transition, but not how lost and left behind by the world that I feel. Now I must try to regain hope about my life and stop looking behind at my past glories and love. If anyone can relate to this and has any insights to share, I would be interested in your stories. Thanks for letting me share.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you find yourself to be in these most difficult circumstances. I'm afraid I don't really have any insights or stories I can share. But I wanted to let you know I read your post & I wish you well. Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of healing from a break-up. Perhaps these can be of some help with that part of your situation:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...-broken-heart/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...er-a-break-up/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-way...-broken-heart/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/help-o...om-heartbreak/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...ver-a-breakup/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/reclai...r-breaking-up/

Also, here are links to some articles on healing from grief & loss:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/on-grie...-coping/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/grief-h...two-year-myth/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-tru...rief-and-loss/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bounc...ck-from-grief/

I wish you well...

[sans]

Hello Viewofthesky,
Sorry for your losses! My condolences over your father.
Seems like you’re doing all the right things. It definitely takes time to heal from these situations. Abandonment and dependency are major anxiety producers. Some of us take even longer to bounce back from life changing set backs!
I’ve been kinda stuck for about 5 years now. Dealing with a traumatic break up, and feeling that my best years were behind me. Then caring for a terminally ill parent, who passed just over a year ago. I’m still in a bit of a fog. Lack of motivation, not really wanting to go anywhere. Not finding a job that I can muster up the will to attend. Therapy appts that don’t get me changing my thoughts or actions.
Some days are better than others. I just keep on going through the motions, and saying to myself—this too shall pass. I know I need to be more proactive in making it pass.
I’ve decided a change of scenery will do me good and I’m going west this summer.
I’m counting on that shift to help me start living again.
Life throws some unexpected twists and we choose to handle things based on our experiences and abilities. We mourn the losses. We decide our next plan, and then take steps every day (even tiny steps)in the direction of our new life.
I’ll cheer you on in this new phase of your life. You may be leading the way.
Wish you the best. Xo
Sans

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Viewofthesky

Sort of having a terrible midlife crisis, loads of anxiety, malaise, and close to depression. Except for my therapist, I find it hard to talk to to friends and family about the extent of it, as I don't want to worry people. In short, I lost a wonderful job in 2015, I was 48 at the time. Finding a decent job in my then field proved to be harder than I ever could have imagined. I own a small home a few hours from where I was living at the time, and thought I would have to sell it, but instead, I moved into that little house in 2016 and decided to get into a new career entirely. I made this decision in good part due to someone I was involved with in that location who I cared for. Not a brilliant move, as often is the case with moving somewhere to be with someone you are not in a committed relationship with. Cut a few years ahead, that relationship ended last year, because the guy in question backed off when we got really close, due to his own intimacy issues, and maybe because he just didn't care for me enough. Around the same time, I also lost my father. My sense of abandonment is pretty fierce. It has been almost a year, and I am nowhere near over a terribly broken heart. I am in the new career, and it is going ok. Not great, but ok. But my main problems as I see it are these. I keep looking back at the happiness I felt in that relationship and from the success I had in the prior career. I'm by nature an optimist and don't wish to believe that my best days are behind me. But I turned 50 and have been very hormonal, though not yet menopausal. I cry a lot over the relationship that meant so much to me. The little dating I've done since it ended hasn't been meaningful, I just haven't clicked with anyone. I miss my ex terribly. The area I moved to is not loaded with single men either, so prospects aren't exactly growing on trees, including online. My life feels empty, not just because of my ex's absence, but because all of the happiness and hope I used to feel about my life and my future has been stripped. Therapy and anti-depressants help a little. Not feeling able to share this stuff has me feeling isolated. I cry a lot, but am pretty functional when it comes to going to work and going out a bit socially. I know that better weather coming soon will lift my spirits and I'll find more things to do with myself, and will be more physically active. I feel like this is a classic mid life crisis and sort of an identity one too. I know it is possible to turn this around and to regain my sense of optimism, but it is a struggle to not look back at what I had and to not fear a future full of loneliness and the lack of fulfillment currently felt. I already know that keeping busy and trying to set new goals and meet new people is a necessity, but I just don't feel excited about these prospects. I feel like all of the hope I used to feel about life has just disappeared somehow. That seems to be my core issue, along with the anxiety and loneliness I feel about getting older and feeling lonely in the wake of this break up, feeling at loose ends professionally without the stature and good money I used to have and being the low person on the totem pole in the new gig, and feeling unable to talk to friends about the extent of these feelings. They know I'm in a period of transition, but not how lost and left behind by the world that I feel. Now I must try to regain hope about my life and stop looking behind at my past glories and love. If anyone can relate to this and has any insights to share, I would be interested in your stories. Thanks for letting me share.

I'm sorry your going through this. I wish I had your optimistic when I was in my early twenty. Perhaps you need sometime to grief thee lost of your job, and relationship and your father. It sound like you have your plate full right now.

[Whipper]

I am going thru the exact same feelings, and we are about the same age as well. My anxiety and desperation has greatly increased in the past year, and I feel that it has to do with my (our) age and a feeling of regret that my life did not turn out like I had hoped it would. I'm stuck in a job that I have grown to hate and have 5 years to go to get a pension, so I have to figure out how I'm going to survive the next 5 years, and what changes I'm going to have to make to deal with my feelings, which, at the moment, are quiet desperation, made worse by friends being pre occupied with their own families and me not having family close by.

You know, here is a sense of what I've done that has made me feel better already. I've decided this a huge moment in my life and an exciting time to make some interesting and absolutely necessary changes in it. Here's the deal: It's time to reinvent yourself, and the best way to do that is to take risks. Step outside your comfort zone. Try something entirely new, and be excited about it. Know that if you fail, you learned something and will grow from it. If you like it, you build upon the experience and make it better, and deeper. And if you get nothing from it, then you know what you can cross off your list. I still think the beauty of life is what you discover when you are not even looking for it. Taking risks at this point in our lives is basically a necessity. Let's do this!