level of personal standards and expectations

I am sure I am not the only one who does this; I have ridiculously high standards and expectations for myself. No wonder I view myself as a failure. It is impossible to meet and exceed them; but, exceed them is what I demand of myself.

And these standards and expectations extend to those around me - especially those in the workplace. I possess a high work ethic and expect everyone to have the same. Perhaps my expectations are unreasonable I suppose but knowing this I still get my shirt in a knot when others including coworkers miss the mark.

What I need to do I know is to bring down these expectations a notch - or two or three - but this is far easier said than done.

I am wondering how you all might cope with this successfully.

I'm the same as you. I get disappointed in people if they don't live up to these expectations. Likewise I'm hard on myself if I don't live up to my own expectations for myself

If you figure this out please let me know. On one hand the high expectations have often served me well. I’m a reliable person that others count on. On the other hand, I do also tend to drive others and myself crazy. Add that to my list of things to “work on.”

Oh boy, I do this too... Haven't found the trick to expecting less of people, but frankly I think people should be held to a higher standard in a lot of cases. =\ Especially in my job where the health of the people we care for is at stake, I do my best and think others should too. For all I know they are doing their best and aren't lazy effs like I think they are... *grumble* I guess with that said, maybe a bit of "benefit of the doubt" might help us be more tolerant?

I'm exactly the same way. I think many of my (apparently high) standards are common sense and I get pissed off easily when people don't live up to these standards. (I'm sorry but didn't we learn when we were kids that lying is bad and we need to be respectful toward others?) I didn't even accept that my standards were high by most people's standards until I became a teacher and saw how high schoolers behaved.

I've yet to find a successful way to deal with this train of thought but I am working on some tricks that are helping a little bit:

- I figured out why I think this way (nothing was ever good enough to get my mother's attention) so whenever I realize what I'm doing, I remind myself that it's my mother's fault and I use my anger about it to help change the focus of my thinking. If/when that doesn't work, I try the childish technique of 'I'm going to get back at her by doing the opposite!' (Yes, I'm aware that blaming others and acting like a child are wrong but if it has a positive and motivating effect then I'm okay with it.)
- I try to remember where upholding the impossibly high standards for myself got me. (I landed in the hospital from a break down that followed several months of averaging 3 hours of sleep per night, eating only 2 meals per day, and running myself ragged with work even on Saturday nights.) As I never want that to happen again, I keep trying to remind myself that if I don't lower my expectations (at least a little bit) then I will end up in that position again.
- I try to convince myself -- and epically fail -- that if I don't have any expectations, or at least signifucantly lower than my current ones, then I don't have to go through the misery of the disappointment that inevitably follows with failing at my current expectations.

There was one thing I did at work at helped but it doesn't exactly apply well.... I've always been one to put others first and help out wherever I can; however, I've realized that if I don't cut off help toward people who are lazy and/or are just going to take advantage of me then I definitely won't have time to meet my overwhelmingly high self standards. It was almost like giving up on them but if I didn't, it was just giving me a crap-ton of extra work to do and eating jnto the limited time I already had to complete my work. It helped quite a bit so I got to accomplish more than usual but it had no effect on my coping skills for the high standards.

Hopefully these ideas can semi-help someone.

I had a lengthy talk with my therapist about perfectionism and her recommendation was to concentrate only on myself. This is a task easier said than done. One of you mentioned common sense and this is what I struggle with - that it seems this doesn't even occur to a great many of people. Add self-centeredness and this pretty much sums it up. We have people who fail to see how their choices and inaction affects the workplace and fellow workers. Ten percent of people do 90% of the work; ring a bell?

But I came away with one suggestion from the therapist she says might be of help. I am a doer she said and recommended a book to read called, "When Perfect Isn't Good Enough". I found myself a copy and have yet to start it yet a quick leaf through it and I think it might be helpful.

I’m going to find that book. I think it’s a good practice to focus on self versus others at work. We can’t control the situation around us. Yes! It’s definitely easier said than done! Thank you for sharing that feedback.

Well, I had to realize I'm not a robot and expecting myself to do all of the tasks I had set forth each day was unrealistic.

For instance, say you have the willpower to work for 4 hours. That can all be delegated to one task or to two or three.

Sometimes, one task will have the forefront and you won't get to the other two, but as long as you're putting in what you can for the day that is the best you can do. Anything else is just an anxiety driven belief.

I have impossible standards for myself. It causes the majority of my negative self talk and stress levels. I am more compassionate and forgiving of others and set lower standards. Thanks for the mention of the book. I’m going to look that up. May we both learn how to take it down a few notches.

I am hanging in there.

I have a final job interview yet to be lined up and I am in a bit of a personal battle. Oh sure I am anxious about even getting a job but I am also anxious about what job. Just let me be a doer where I can just get my job done. Do not, please, put me in a position of leadership where I once more have to rely upon others. I just want to be able to show up for work and not take it home with me. Just let me be concerned with only myself instead of everyone else.