I'd like some advice please? Am I being rational cos I dont even know anymore

I dont know if I'm being needy. But I just got out of a severe panic attack. I haven't had one In a few months. My brain was talking ****. It felt so real :

Brain: dont you dare eat you fat piece of crap

Me: I haven't had anything since breakfast

Brain: you ate so much breakfast. You even helped your partner finish his you fat mole

Me: I didnt eat dinner the night before I was hungry

Brain: the vodka you are drinking is enough calories.
Dont you remember how fat you got and how much you weighed this morning?

Me: I'm trying to be healthy and balanced

Brain : have you seen yourself? Even your bf would have sex with you last night because he 'was tired'

Me: crys cos I cant do uni and I'm having a panic attack. I wont eat.

I reached out to my partner cos I was hyperventilating and felt like I was gonna die. Still not currently recovered.
Maybe I'm mad but is it bad of me to expect him to come see me and be worried. He gave me advice over txt but if it was reversed roles I'd be going to his straight away cos I love him and care. Or at least calling.

I just need to be held.
I'm home alone and shits bad. He knows that too.
Am I asking to much? I mean I didnt ask but I just thought since we have been together over 2 years he would be here for me.

Advice please

Hello thundathighs: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

One thing you didn't mention is how old your bf is. This may or may not be significant. But having been a young man myself once-upon-a-time, I can tell you I doubt there can be much of anything quite as unsympathetic as a young man. (Some older men aren't any better either. But at least some of us do begin to "get it" as we age.) So no... I don't think you're asking too much at all. But it may simply be that what you are hoping for from your bf is just something he's not wired to provide. At least not at this stage of his life (depending on how old he is.) At least this would be my thinking with regard to the situation you've described.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

The greater question here, though, may be... what are you doing to address what sounds like a serious eating disorder? You didn't mention anything about that. Hopefully you're seeing a therapist. Perhaps you're participating in, or at least considering the possibility of becoming involved with, an eating disorders program. At least from my perspective, it's certainly fine & appropriate to expect to receive support from your bf. But ultimately you are the one who has to do what needs to be done to heal. Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of eating disorders:

Eating Disorders - Overview of Symptoms & Treatments

Treatment & Management of Eating Disorders

Full Recovery from Eating Disorders is Possible: Q&A with Shannon Kopp | Weightless

Eating Disorders: Articles Resources

| Psych Central

Eating Disorders Resources

| Psych Central

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/eating-attitudes-test/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Hello. Welcome to PC. Can you talk to him about this so he’s there in the way that you need next time?

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t deserve that.

Hello and welcome to PC!

I am sorry you are having a tough time.
Is there a chance you and your partner can talk more about this at some point, as it seems you are not both on the same page right now?

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do jump in and make yourself at home!
I hope to see you around the forums!

Take care!

WC