Anxiety Daily Check-In point #6

Because of that late night I posted about on the last page I’ve gotten into the habit of taking my Xanax at 7-9 at night. So I don’t feel much anxiety until night now. So I had basically no anxiety today. But right now I’m like kind of meh with my anxiety. But I can’t figure out if I cracked the code on how to handle my anxiety since I’ve had 2 good days in a row taking my Xanax before going to bed, or if I’m just too reliant on the Xanax in the first place. I guess what my doctor doesn’t know.....

I am home from the Psych Hospital. This will be my first night at home and am on 2 new medications in addition to my original 2 meds I have been taking so I am feeling confident I am going to have a good night.

less anxious than I was this morning.

I had an issue with one of the online groups I'm on, but I've seen something since that seems to make things a bit more...... okay

let's hope

I think my T is catching onto my Xanax problem. Next week she wants to talk to me about other ways I can cope and I didn’t even really say anything. I had to fill out paperwork that asked if I was on a Benzo and she read the paper and then she asked me how often I take it and I said every other day when really it’s every day. I guess I just hope I’m not taken off it because it really helps with my anxiety.

If they do decide to take you off--it has to be done gradually.

I was taking everyday for a while (2-3 weeks, 1/2 of .5 mg twice a day) because of a stressful issue then when the issue got a bit better and I stopped taking for a couple of days. One morning I felt antsy (skin crawling, couldn't sit still), irritated and just really crappy like I had a hangover. I thought--could it be that I am having withdrawal? I took 1/2 a pill and all those symptoms went away. I am weening myself again (so that I only take 1/2 pill at bedtime 2-4 days a week when I can't get to sleep because I can't stop worrying). They say it is more effective in the long term when you only use it occassionally so you don't build up tolerance. I find Xanax to be a great medication to have for when stressful things that are out of your control happen. None of my psychiatrists have ever questioned my need for them. The one mental health condition that I truly (and obviously to everyone around me) have is generalized anxiety disorder--all the rest of my diagnosis I am unsure about (maybe because they are temporary?) However, I consider Xanax one tool of many to help me cope with my anxiety. I also try to walk, do yoga, relax and distract myself too. I try to reserve the Xanax for when I am at my wit's end.

Was very anxious today.

A bit antsy because i'm worried about something, which I cannot focus in other stuff.

Had a good day today and it was my first therapy day since I was D/C from the hospital.

Thanks I was worrying they would stop it cold turkey. I was thinking of trying 1/2 a tab to see if that would be enough. It’s honestly the only medication that will help for my anxiety and it causes zero side effects.

Yes, it does help and if you don't count that stopping causes awful withdrawal problems then, yes, it causes zero side effects.

I ended up with a bad panic attack on my walk yesterday. Why? My life is going pretty good so I didn't take my Zoloft for two days (It makes me feel great at first when I stop). On day three, a terrible panic attack (took my Zoloft after the walk plus the Xanax) then I couldn't sleep very well last night. I end up taking more Xanax when I cut the Zoloft back (don't like some of the side effects). Everytime I mess with the dose my psych prescribed, it causes problems. Are the problems because I need it for the rest of my life or because it is what my body is used to? When I went on it, I was coping with a stressful relationship issue but now I am coping with that better because of boundaries, self care, etc. Next session with my psychiatrist I plan to ask--do I need to stay on my medications for life? (Based on what I know about what happens when I cut them back). My panic attack yesterday seemed to be 100% physical--cognitively, I was at peace and not worrying about anything. My husband wondered if I was worrying about something subconsciously. I just don't know....

today I had a pannic attack at 3 A.M which was not cool. what was even worse is that I was in fibro pain, so even though I felt it coming on, I didn't really try to prevent it

it was caused by a random alarm sound (which I didn't know what it was), turns out though it was a fire alarm and I've had really bad experiences with fire, so things wern't great

then when I went to turn my computer on later it took ages to load which worried me because it doesn't take so long usually

feeling anxious again this evening, after quite a stress-free day, so don't know why

I'm just hoping for a relaxed evening if I'm honest

I had a little bit of anxiety this afternoon. I tried the 1/2 tab of Xanax. It seems to be doing a decent job. I will need my night meds by 7:30 though.

I have thought of talking to a counselor through a therapy site, but I cannot afford it.

some of those sites doo free trials

I know 7 cups does, but in order to access it you need to put in the payment information first (security, I guess)

still: websites like 7 cups and blah therapy do have the option for free chats with listeners which can be useful since you're venting to a stranger and their's no risk of them finding out who you actually are if you don't want them too (I always found it easier venting to strangers myself)

we're always here too

bit of anxiety today over a missing cloth, and though it's still not been located I'm feeling okay

I am very anxious about this upcoming week. I am dreading it, like usual

It has been a chill day today and I am going to have a sleepover at one of my best friends house tonight. This is a huge milestone for me because this is the first ever sleepover that is not at my house. I feel very safe because I have known this friend since I was 5 years old and her family and they also know my situation very well so if anything does happen they know exactly how to respond and my parents are only minutes away.

I tried the 1/2 Xanax on Saturday around 3PM and I struggled greatly and it was partially the reason I messed up one of meds last night because I was stressed and not paying attention. I took a full Xanax around 7 last night and I ended up taking 2 whole ones in about an hour tonight and my anxiety is still there. Yeah I just really don’t know what I’ll do if my doctor decides to take me off it.

Was anxious today but I managed it better than usual. I think my positive self-talk was helpful.

I took 2 Xanax today and they did absolutely nothing if just made my anxiety worse. Did I finally build up that tolerance everyone keeps talking about?

Yes, it is easy to develop tolerance for Xanax. My life is less stressful now so I am cutting it back/trying to stop. Due to a stressful situation, I got up to taking 1/2 of a .5 mg pill twice a day for about a month. First I cut it back to 1/2 of a pill once a day (bedtime), now I have been going 1-2 days without any. The last time the crappy withdrawal symptoms came (2 days ago), I took 1/3 of a pill and that was enough. Now I won't take anymore until the withdrawal symptoms come (and I will see if 1/4 of a pill is enough). Xanax works best for me when I don't use it everyday. I have been taking it on and off since 2011 so I have experimented enough to know. Check out what the benzobuddies.org website says about Xanax.

I posted this on July 10th--I took 1/4 of a pill later that day then none since. I am now sleeping great without it but my muscles have been a bit achy so since muscle pain is a common withdrawal symptom of xanax/alprazolam, I assume that is where the achiness is coming from. Stopping also caused some panic attacks at first but those are gone. So long as my life continues to be calm--not taking it anymore....

I had anxiety about training the new person and then she did turn out to be a bit of an *** so I feel like my anxiety wasn’t all that unreasonable.

And at Meijers some lady was looking at my mom and I very strangely. My mom noticed it too. My mom thought she was just thinking of selling us something. I thought she was thinking of doing something nefarious. But this is why I don’t like leaving my house anymore. People are getting creepy.