Anxiety Daily Check-In point #6

after overspending last week on my groceries, I barely have any money to spend this friday

sat here all day yesterday wondering how I was going to feed myself next week, but hmm... it will be okay or something

My anxiety is pretty bad today. I took two Xanax which is very unusual. I’m having symptoms similar to PMDD. So maybe I’m about to get my period despite not being scheduled to get it.

Panic attack #3 within the last hour. No mellow to be found.

I work again tonight. I wasted two days off panicking about going back in. I hate this. I hate what this job is doing to me. Through no fault of my own I screwed up on Sunday and the Wed previous to that I had a bit of a meltdown. All I can think about is that I will probably be taken aside and have a 'coaching conversation'.

But I am firm the problem isn't me. No, this is not passing the buck. Had there been some leadership present none of this would have happened. On Wed I was thrown under the bus being thrown to the wolves thrust into duties I had neither the training nor support to do so. As for Sunday, I was given mixed messages about the duties I was to perform and when to do them. I apparently listened to the wrong coworker and royally effed it up. Where was my leadership in all this? They ought to have taken charge of my training and ensured I had the training and resources to do these jobs. They ought to have made clear the expectations for Sunday's shift and so on.

My anxiety is pretty bad. I can’t tell why though. Work was uneventful. I had a short shift and I worked with people I like, and I had no issue or anxiety with anything at work. I have tomorrow off. So it’s not like there’s anticipatory anxiety I’m dealing with at the moment. I can’t tell what’s causing my anxiety. I did have coffee this morning, that’s all I can think of. Or it’s PMDD.

Had another panic attack at work - this one noticed by my coworkers and no doubt by the customers. I quit on the spot. Now what am I going to do?

I wish I wasn’t so worried about my Xanax being taken away. Two works so much better than one. My anxiety sucked until I took the second one. Then the anxiety melted away. I am prescribed two a day.

I am slightly irritated/ anxious that I can't find my mug with santa on it

I usually drink out of my dog mug, but today wanted a change and to drink out of santa

but couldn't find him

I don't know where he is

Tomorrow, I'm going to meet some new people. Would they like me? But it doesn't make me anxious as the next week.

Next week, I'm going to annual company outing. It drives me crazy every time I think about it. I hate myself now for having no guts to say 'no'...

When will it end?

I am kind of anxious right now about work in the morning. I’m also drinking apple juice. I don’t drink apple juice very often because of the amount of calories it has, but I found a diet version. I forgot that apple juice can cause a worse increase in anxiety for me than tea or coffee. I researched it one time and I did find it on lists of foods to avoid when you have anxiety. I forget exactly why you should avoid it. It sucks because I’m using it as an appetite suppressant right now. I guess I’ll just go to bed.

Finally a day of mellow after 14 in a row of no mellow.

anxiety, yes. depression, yes. grateful for not giving a f***

Was anxious early this morning.

I drink way too much coffee and it does it to me every time. I am now at this moment coming down from a coffee overdose, so I know how you feel. I smoke eciggs too, which helps me come off of the coffee struggle but I am going to try to already have my last cup for the day. The reason I drink so much is because I am on so many meds that I am tired all the time without coffee. good luck

My anxiety was off and on this morning and afternoon. Mostly off. Then I started getting sweaty palms and a sort of fast heartbeat. I had gone over 24 hours without a Xanax. I took one and half an hour later was fine. Dependency or whatever this is, is a real *****.

It hasn't quite been a week since I quit my job. My life has done a turn around. I knew I was very sick at the time but now that the major source of angst is out of my life I realise the true extent of my anxiety and just how much it was consuming my life. Today I feel a sense of freedom. Oh I still have some stress in my life but it is tolerable and I am coping much better.

I really realised this yesterday when I had my meeting with my Veterans' Affairs (Canada) case manager. Instead of sitting there like a tub of goo I actually fully participated in a discussion with her what with a significant increase in confidence. She remarked on the difference. I had a long way to go still but she said she felt I was ready to be a full participant in the rehabilitation (PTSD, ANXIETY) process.

I've been feeling very anxious today. I haven't been able to do most of the things I was planning to do...

My anxiety has been kind of bad today. I took a Xanax, and it’s still sort of there. Maybe a low calorie diet of ramen, ice cream, and Oreos isn’t a good idea even if it does only add up to 1200 calories. I did have a semi healthy, but probably not all that healthy dinner. That was part of that 1200 calories. Probably still not good though.

Today is the first day. So far so good. I got a panic attack once but I calmed myself down. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Not sure about tomorrow....

I’m kind of nervous that I’ll owe money in taxes. I’ll see tomorrow.

Had a panic attack today in my therapist's office's bathroom before session. It was caused by being nervous to see her and me feeling the bathroom wasn't clean enough since I have OCD. But I managed to get to session and talk okay.

Every fukin time I notice that I feel mellow, it seems to notice and says "screw you" & the panic comes. Grrr. WTF?!!!!!

I went to the doctor's to request a referral to see a psychiatrist, and also got a couple of shots, so my anxiety was a bit higher than usual. Ended up getting pretty flustered while I was there, but I got over it pretty quickly once I'd left knowing I accomplished what I went in there to do. As an added bonus, I was reminded that needles don't hurt, so it's not worth overthinking it in the future.

I had a slight anxious feeling in the back of my head, but overall it wasn’t too bad today.

I felt like a zombie today because I didn't get enough sleep. I was awoken by my neighbors who were intoxicated.