Anxiety Daily Check-In point #6

Always the new kid growing up and eating lunch as the new kid has made lunch time in a crowded cafeteria in the workplace nerve wracking, it’s like I’m the shy, new, nervous kid again. Eating alone at work during a busy lunch time can cause anxiety sometimes. Like to get away from my desk, but eating alone isn’t always fun. Eating around people I don’t know, is scary.

I felt like I was going to die from my anxiety. This went on for about 1.5 hours. I was at work so I couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t show my anxiety so no one knew I was dealing with it. When I left work I felt a lot better. So I guess it was work related even though it didn’t really feel like it was.

My anxiety is getting terrible. I actually temporarily deactivated my Facebook which I’ve never done before. I use Facebook nonstop. My paranoia was getting out of control over this dumb video I was tagged in. It was a positive video. No one payed attention to it. My Facebook friends can’t see it. But I just started getting all these obsessive intrusive thoughts I knew I had to deactivate it for my own mental health.

tomorrow I am having a meeting with a funeral director.

dreading it, because the director's name is the same as my mother's (and the last thing I want is to be triggered by someone with the same name), plus: I don't know, but I imagine I am the youngest person she's seen

I keep getting this image in my mind that she's driving here expecting to see someone in their 60's or 70's, and then she gets here and meets someone a lot younger.

I hope it will go okay, because I do worry about it.

My anxiety in public places is getting so bad. I went to the grocery store 15 minutes ago and I got pretty anxious and I just wanted to leave. I can go to work ok though.

My anxiety and paranoia is cranked up to an 11. I’m at a pretty anxiety provoking place. I still don’t have much of an interest in activating my Facebook account again. Although I have plenty to talk about. I’ve just been using PC and getting my news from Reddit. It’s been working.

My social anxiety was bad at one point today since have to make phone calls for work and usually ask questions and people respond pretty well, not too bad. Today no the person was on the ruder side so I could feel my heart rate going up and anxiety increased since feel as though co-workers listening so I said to the person “well if you are not going to help me”... Then my anxiety kind of felt like it sky rocketed and not sure, it feels like what is going on with me anyway. It’s frustrating since it’s something like you want to explain and ask a question, the person won’t let you explain and quickly says “well look it up online”. Um no the address for this particular resource is different it’s for an injury on the job and a specific exam and it is not as simple usually as “looking it up online.” Now most resources likely can be looked up online yes that may be true. Ugh difficult and rude people don’t help the world go around, grrr.

It has been an awful week for my anxiety. It is because of my AC, it started leaking water on Monday after they cleaned the air ducts and they made it worse. There's another company coming to fix the AC later today and I hope they won't charged a lot because my brother is the one that is paying it since he has a more stable job. It sucks because in Florida is hot and i'm sensitive to hot weather that i don't want to go out in this heat.

My anxiety wasn’t too bad this morning. It got bad maybe around 2. I’m not having anxious thoughts about the government like I was the other day. But I am having some anxious thoughts that people are saying bad things about me on Facebook. Also tonight I ate a can of soup for dinner and I thought the can was dented a bit so I asked my mom to check it and make sure it was ok because I get anxious a lot about botulism. So in general my anxiety wasn’t as bad as yesterday or the day before but it was still there.

I went yesterday night to the pharmacy to pick up my med and I sort of panic on the way and back, but I was fine at the store. It was only when I was inside of the car. the AC technician came today, but they cannot clean it until Monday.

I'm restless right now. It's time to sleep, but I'm too agitated to get sleep.

I'm not sure whether it was because I took an hour nap in the afternoon, or I did nothing tiring today (since it is a week holiday, so no work), or anxiety itself. I hate it. My eyes are tired. My mind is too agitated. And I can feel a lump in my throat, and irregular heartbeat

I met with a manager at work today. I was slightly twisting my hands the whole time. Right when I was about to leave I let out a loud breath I didn’t know I was holding in. Whoops. I hope he knew I was anxious and not annoyed.

Very very anxious this week, especially when I lie down in the evening. Working on two jobs and both keep sending me messages wanting me to do more. They are both jobs that require concentration. I am seriously worried about a family member and am spending a lot of time working on the situation. It is one of the reasons, I do not have time to work as much as I need to. I worried about them as I went to bed (keep taking a half Xanax at bedtime until I have taken about 3 halfs, prior to these two jobs, I would take a half Xanax about 3 days a week). This person was the first thing on my mind this morning. I am worried they are suicidal and hope I find them safe today.

Usually only talk to my sister on Sunday because I go to bed earlier than her plus there is a three hour time difference and she works so much. I actually thought to call her last night when I couldn't sleep. She gave me a pep talk. It helped. Without it, I might have been up all night. I love her so much.

Leaving the house to go shopping is getting more difficult. I went out this morning around 9 in safe neighborhoods and I still freaked. I wonder if I’ll eventually get to the point of needing an emotional support dog. I think people who have a difficult time leaving the house due to severe paranoia and anxiety can qualify?

A family member is being taken care of by others and I have been told very little. I have dealt with the issue for years and years so having others involved gives me some relief though I am anxious about what I do not know. I said my prayers last night. I will say more today.

I am struggling this week. I had a triggering conversation when I visited my mother earlier this week and it seems to have heightened my anxiety since then. I am torn between being a good son and visiting her regularly and avoiding her because she causes me so much anxiety.

As a very anxious mother, perhaps just text of make a phone call to her once a week so she knows you are OK?

If seeing her is triggering or hurtful--it is OK to limit how much you see her. It is more important that you take care of yourself.

It sounds like you love her. We can love people but recognize that we are unable to help. My POV is our relationships with our parents are complicated by the emotional connections made with them when we were too young to even understand it all. That makes it so that the subconscious emotions between us get in the way of the relationship some of the time. Or perhaps there are unresolved issues that cannot easily be resolved. Once you are 18, you have a right to make your life be what you want it to be.

Be respectful when you are with her, but whenever she is triggering, politely leave, hang up the phone, etc. Check in but only check in as much as you can handle. It could be once a month (I cannot determine that as it is a very individual thing). Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Taking the time to take care of yourself is the best gift you can give to your mother. It can be hard to handle an anxious person if you are also unwell. I do not know if you are unwell, only saying that, as an anxious person, I know that I can be challenging to deal with sometimes. Hugs.

Thank you so much for your perspective and suggestions. I wish my mother thought like you do and realized my self care is important. I've tried for over a decade or more to have an adult relationship with her, but there is emotional complexity that probably will never be resolved. I don't think she struggles with anxiety. I've never seen signs of it. The major issue with our relationship is uses guilt to try to get me to take responsibility or help her with her marriage, our family problems and home issues. I dread hearing from her or visiting because there is always some crisis that she makes me feel like I should be helping with -- as a good son. It doesn't matter if I check in or not. She texts, emails, and calls weekly. When I visited earlier this week, she got angry at me because I wouldn't agree to do something that would probably cause me to lose my job.

Hugs to you, TunedOut.

Not too much today.

My anxiety was bad tonight. I’m kind of scared to fall asleep so I’m seeing how long I can stay up.

I'm having a rough weekend. I am not getting much sleep and having to work.

Do you ever get uneasy by a situation but your mind has told you so many times to abort the mission and it’s turned out ok that you now can’t tell at all if a situation is something to be concerned about? I just hope I get a stomach bug tomorrow.

Anxiety was big today, seemed like everything was settling it off today.

OK for the most part. My anxiety was off and on today. I had to deal with business over the phone and got upset and then worried that I couldn't get it done right and why couldn't they make their process easier. Not much chance they will change though. But I worry about changing myself.

My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t know why or what to do. I had an early therapy appointment and that didn’t seem to help. I’ve been taking my Xanax. I had that increase in lamictal last week. I’ve gotten some answers for other things and it was good news. I am at a loss as to what else I can do.