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  #1  
Old Aug 21, 2023, 10:48 AM
pliepla pliepla is offline
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Location: Ghent, Belgium
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I started a relationship three weeks ago. Two days ago, my anciety struck again, triggered by a casual remark about a past lover (this specific pattern of anxiety struck me before, when I started a ten-year relationship with somebody who had +/- 80 one night stands and could not stop bragging about it in the first half year)

She is willing to invest in this. I gave her a book called "De bange mens" (written by Daan Heerma Voss and translated as The Anxiety Project) that gave me some insight but I am interested in finding more books or other resources.

Or tips on how to handle this.
Hugs from:
AzulOscuro

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  #2  
Old Aug 21, 2023, 01:06 PM
TheGal TheGal is offline
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It's difficult to hear about past loves (lovers), the only thing was time that worked for me to get over the feelings of residual/retroactive jealousy and anxiety.
  #3  
Old Aug 21, 2023, 01:20 PM
TheGal TheGal is offline
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Also, it's not a good idea to compare 'numbers' of people you slept with.

I would express to your partner that you don't want to hear all the details...
  #4  
Old Aug 21, 2023, 03:34 PM
pliepla pliepla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
It's difficult to hear about past loves (lovers), the only thing was time that worked for me to get over the feelings of residual/retroactive jealousy and anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGal View Post
Also, it's not a good idea to compare 'numbers' of people you slept with.

I would express to your partner that you don't want to hear all the details...
First, I would like to point out I don't really want this thread to become about me. Regardless, I think I should elaborate a bit about the context ...

(What follows is not really a trigger but I wanted to make this part collapsible bacause I would like to discuss this elsewhere and I saw no other way to achieve this.)
Possible trigger:


As you said time, discussing our shared experience and a lot of affirmation did help me. But I don't want to discuss this in this thread although I believe it might be useful to start another tread and I am not sure in which subforum to post this.

What surprises me most, and it did help me these last few days, is the impact it has on her. My ex-wife just continued with her stories while my current girlfriend wants to support me, even if we've been together for such a short period. She is looking for ways to handle her emotions and she would like to have some handles on how to support me (just being there is a big one and I will keep telling her that). So basically, any suggestions about books, films, documentaries, ... are most welcome.

And a sugestion on where exactly to put my story might be helpful too.
  #5  
Old Aug 21, 2023, 04:45 PM
TheGal TheGal is offline
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OK ... I'd google "TED talks sex" and "TED Talks anxiety" and "TED talks relationships".

Also, look up Claire Weekes, Russ Harris YouTube

*** Baggage Reclaim *** is a blog and podcast for women about relationships. Here is an example of dating anxiety being discussed.

dating anxiety Archives - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue
Thanks for this!
pliepla
  #6  
Old Aug 22, 2023, 10:29 AM
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AzulOscuro AzulOscuro is offline
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Maybe, the Relationship and Communication sub forum could be the one you’re looking for to expose the other topic you want to bring up.
__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
Thanks for this!
pliepla
  #7  
Old Sep 02, 2023, 04:18 AM
pliepla pliepla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Maybe, the Relationship and Communication sub forum could be the one you’re looking for to expose the other topic you want to bring up.
I have been in doubt but my thoughts and anxiety are getting out of hand so I did ... Dealing with a new partner's sexual experience
  #8  
Old Sep 02, 2023, 05:32 AM
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AzulOscuro AzulOscuro is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pliepla View Post
I have been in doubt but my thoughts and anxiety are getting out of hand so I did ... Dealing with a new partner's sexual experience
Excellent, I know your thing is social anxiety so mine is. But you don’t lost anything by posting there.
Hope you get lots of insight. Thus, that the one you got from @TheGal, of course. Very insightful! There are people who post there with experience in relations and very insightful interventions.
I’m not very social in any aspect, even in sexual field so that’s why I couldn’t be of help. Only when I saw few posts by you so far, I wanted to guide you a little in the forum.

(((( HUGS ))))
__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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