[Blah nlah]

After I emotionally detached from my mom, I still feel anxious. My ear hurts, my throat hurts, my chest feels damn heavy, and my breathing also hurts. Like near my nose. I know there’s a part inside me trying to tell me something but I don’t know what. I had gone to therapy where they speak to each part and respectfully and lovingly tell it we’re here to listen. But I don’t know what part in me needs help. Let’s call her Melissa. Here’s what Melissa would like to say: “I feel judged by everyone. For what I feel and think and am. I really wish I had a safe place to stay. I wouldn’t be hated so much. My mom and sis have given me nightmares in my sleep. It is terrifying. Their lack of love has hurt me. I am in need of help. I need love. From me.”
My reply- “Dear Melissa we love you.”
“Prove it!!” Says Melissa angrily
“I eat well, I exercise, I write things down I try to talk to you. We all love you so much because of what you do for us. You listen and you respond. You’re such a sweet girl. Yeah that’s true. You love this body with your life. You work so hard and you’re always fighting for our good. I think it’s clear now that you’ve done a lot for us and we hardly ever realise it. You’re afraid others will see your tears but we don’t judge. This is a freedom filled space for you. Thank you Melissa for being our backup and guide. You love us so much. You’ve truly loved us since we were young. Whenever we went out you thought of things we need. You write down lists but we pushed you away. I’m so sorry Melissa! Please forgive me. We love you. Until next time, keep being with us and being your beautiful strong self.”
“(In tears) I-I…don’t know what to say. I didn’t know I meant so much to you. Let me- let me go and process this.”
“We’re here for you anytime darlin. You’re our precious girl.”
Bye ;^*

[ArmorPlate108]

I struggle with similar anxiety when it comes to setting boundaries. You're changing the dynamic, and other people generally don't like that- there's a sense of control and comfort that's lost for them when someone else starts setting healthy boundaries. It's also hard for us to change what's been in place for so long. Hopefully, in time, it gets better and easier.

[Blah nlah]

I’m so glad you did that! Pretty sure setting the boundary must have been hard on you
Glad you stuck it out

[ArmorPlate108]

what I find especially hard is breaking that sense that you're on auto pilot. Even though I've been working on better boundaries for the last few years, sometimes someone will do something that just triggers an automatic response - which could be somewhat trauma related. Those are especially tough, because you do them without thinking and it can be hard to backtrack at the time. Often times, it just involves resolving myself to do better with the boundary next time....

But, we do it for us, because we deserve what's on the other side of healthy boundaries and taking care of ourselves.

[Blah nlah]

True true… well said.
It’s so strange that we do those things without thinking