New here

I have horrible anxiety. I'm on a lot of meds for it but they have quit working. I know some grouning techniques that help some. I'm just here to receive and give support. So hello!

@Manarinorange welcome to MSF. I am sorry that you have troubling anxiety. That must be rough.

Grounding helps me too like following the breath and some youtube videos like this one

Jon Kabat Zinn has a lot of nice videos. If you want to try this 5 minute turning within

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please include @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message]

Welcome, @Manarinorange! I like Box Breathing for anxiety.

Welcome!
I listen to 432mhz on YouTube.

I also like Tibetan monks chanting.

There's many good guided meditation.

At one time I wore a rubber band I would snap on my wrist. Then find a red object, orange, yellow etc

Practice breathing before you get anxious

Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk

Thank all of you for responding! I appreciate it and don't feel so alone!

Anyone here also struggle with agoraphobia?

I had a form of agoraphobia, but it differed slightly from the usual experience. Being in the military, specific incidents led me to avoid wide open spaces as a precaution against snipers. If you're unfamiliar, it's not a topic for lengthy discussion here. When exposed to vast open areas, I felt anxious and vulnerable.

I struggled with pretty severe agoraphobia about 15 years ago. My DD was a toddler, and I was exhausted and dealing with anxiety. My mind was so keyed up and reactive that leaving home was nearly impossible- being at home was bad enough. It was a challenge just to leave the house and walk down the driveway to get the mail.

Dr. Claire Weekes wrote a book titled Simple Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia that changed things for me. Unfortunately, it's out of print and can be a difficult book to find for a reasonable price, but Dr. Weekes understood that agoraphobics can have difficulty getting treatment, so geared her approach to a guided, self-help model. Some people refer to her as the OG of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is what her method is.

She also has another good book, that's a little more readily available, titled Hope and Help for Your Nerves.

CBT is a slow and steady process, but can be effective. Fifteen years later, I can walk out the door and go pretty much anywhere without anxiety or a second thought. I had very noticeable improvement within about six months of starting, and by year 8 had developed a relatively high anxiety/stress tolerance. There is hope.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

Thank you so much for the information! Yes I'm going to ask my therapist to do some cbt with me since it can help many of my ailments. I'm on medicaid and finding therapists that stick around once they fill like they have enough experience. But the one I have now has stuck around. I've only been seeing her once a month, but I'm going to see if we can do phone appointments bc I know that she can do those and start working on cbt weekly.

That book is available online at Open Library. You can read it for free after a free registration:
Simple effective treatment of agoraphobia by Claire Weekes | Open Library

I'm going to be going to a place I'm not used to going. I get so anxious when I have to go to places I've never been to before. Do any of you have any techniques i could use?

Do you have any close friends who could possibly go with you? This has helped me in the past. My friends and I are thick as thieves. If you need them, they make time, as I always did for them. My psychiatrist's solution to this is a pound of Xanax, which is not very conducive to driving. Some find meditation helpful, or do something you find very relaxing and enjoy before you go—music, favorite movie, whatever.

@Manarinorange, do you think this is part of the agoraphobia?

I had this issue the first time I drove myself to a new school. It provoked a lot of anxiety in me. I was nauseous and skipped breakfast, plus I had dry heaves before getting into the car. This was over 40 years ago.

Today, I would use something like Google Maps "Street View" to get familiar with the area I'd be traveling to. And if I had to be there at a specific time (like for a job interview), I'd probably make a "practice trip" a few days before to rehearse the trip without the pressure of getting there at a certain time. And, I'd allow for plenty of time for the real trip so I do not have the anxiety compounded by the fear of getting there late.

It might be the agoraphobia. The problem with using Google maps or GPS is that it will tell me to get on the freeway, and I can't do that. They make me too anxious. Doing trips a couple of times beforehand is a good idea too. But it's is a long way and uses a lot of gas. I was just hoping for some things to say to myself or I might take a cotton ball with lavender essential oil on it.

there was this recent article in Lion's Roar on driving mindfully.

Yes, that's agoraphobia, and very familiar.

The Dr. Weekes method I adopted was to just go, and take as much time as you need, but don't abort the mission. So in a situation like you are facing, leave early - if you have to pull over and take a breather in a parking lot or somewhere along the way, do that, but then keep going once you regather yourself. No matter how slowly you have to go, or how long it takes, complete what you need to do. That's CBT. Once you do it, your brain will begin to rewire itself to become calmer and more relaxed as you do these kinds of things. It will take a while, and much practice, but it generally works if you keep doing it enough.

I have memories of needing to go to a craft store, to get supplies for a DD school project. By the time I got there, I was not doing well, but rather than run home like I wanted to, I just sat in the car for fifteen minutes until the panic began to settle down- then shopped, then drove home. Over the long run, doing this does work. Your brain begins to see fewer threats. I'm still the person who shows up for appointments 15-30 minutes early, for time to sit in the car and acclimate if necessary, before going about whatever business is at hand.

Thank those of you that gave me some ideas. It turns out that my son is just going to take the bus here. He will be here all all weekend. I will have to take him back though.

You can set up gps directions with the options of avoiding freeways. Good luck

Maybe it will be easier driving your son.

My son has schizophrenia and freaks out when I drive. He came this weekend and completely freaked out and threw a really big chair across the room. He did something to me 4 yrs ago so he can't live here. He was in a really bad group home. But they put him in the hospital and the group home told me and my sister other places that would meet his needs better.

The last couple of days he's been calling me nonstop asking me for money. I'm broke. He causes me so much anxiety. . Ii put him on block but then he called from the facility. We got him a whole bunch of microwavable food like soups for Christmas. He came today and got them. He's on seroquel which makes you really hungry. He needs to try a different antipsychotic, but he doesn't think it's the seroquel. He says the place he is at serves really small portions. So he's going to be bugging me for money and I don't have it. My life sucks!

I'm sorry about your son. That sounds very challenging, and could potentially contribute to anxiety reactions for most anyone.

Do you have a caregiver support group by chance? People who can relate directly to your situation, and offer meaningful support? Even if you aren't the main person who's caring for him day to day, you're potentially the person he sees as closest to him- in that, he'll likely see you as the person he's most comfortable with, and may direct more of his unpleasant behaviors at you. Caregiver burnout is a very real problem for family members, even at a bit of a distance.

It sounds like you have some good boundaries with him already. It's okay to have those, and it's also okay if you look after your own needs first too. His issues may be beyond his control, but you're treating him as well as you can without compromising yourself.

Big ((((hugs)))) for you. I hope you are having a good day.

Thank you so much for your kind post. No I don't have a support group for caregivers. I have a lot of physical issues going on right now as well. I'm trying my.best to be patient with him but when I see that it's him calling my heart starts racing. The weekend visit was very scary. I was afraid bc he kept coming out of his room looking at me weird and he did that over and over. We both decided overnight visits are a no go right now.

He's saying that place is starving him and all kinds of ridiculous things. But he calls over and over. The new place where he's at goes on outings . Like today they went bowling. He didn't go. My family and I think he's on the spectrum and that he functions as a 16 year old. He's very very selfish. He thinks my money is his money. I live on a fixed income. His needs are met there but he wants money for nicotine pouches, energy drinks and food. We can't afford it. We can afford pouches but he uses more than is directed and then he's wanting more. He's just very hard to deal with. I could contact Nami about support groups but I'm too anxious to drive there. This anxiety has ruined my life.

I'm so sorry. My daughter's partner has schizophrenia as well as PTSD. He has an enormous appetite, too, and when they visit, I always need to stock up on food.

I wish you all the best. Anxiety can make life miserable.

There may be online support groups, if it's something you're interested in. Either forums like this one, or organized online meetings, where you log in and talk to others.

Can I ask you a question? And I ask this very gently, as someone who's been down a similar road: Do you feel like you have an independent identity? Or is a great deal of your identity wrapped up in what happens with your son?

In the past, I've gotten too wrapped up in other family members' problems, and lost track of myself. Lost track of my own needs and wants, and gotten immersed in their crisis. It's very easy to do. Don't know if that applies to you though.

The last paragraph you wrote was very focused on how he feels and behaves. He's your son, you clearly want him to be happy, and want what's best for him, but are you sacrificing your own peace and comfort because of his condition? YOUR money IS YOUR money- you don't have to buy him anything. And you don't have to feel bad about that. If you CHOOSE to buy him some things, then that is a choice you should feel good about.

It sounds like a very difficult situation. Breaking the anxiety cycle is tough, especially when you have externals that seem to keep pushing it on.

Yes, I do think my identity is focused on him. I've had a couple of men want to date me and when I was trying to get to know them, my son would get angry and so I just told them that I had too many personal issues going on. My best friend thinks I need to set some firm boundaries at this point. I just feel so bad for him. He doesn't have much of a life and then he has a mom with mental and physical problems. It makes me feel very guilty. But on the other hand since he got out of the hospital he has caused me a lot of anxiety.

Now that it's the 1st, he's going to be calling me asking for money. Last month I gave him probably around $120. Then I had only $40 to my name. This month I have a lot of expenses. I'm only going to be able to up to $60 this month. He is addicted to energy drinks and nicotine pouches. And he's on seroquel which really increases your appetite, so he wants money for food as well. He has gained 30lbs since he's been on seroquel, but he says his increased appetite is bc he's weight lifting again. I told him I was going to pay for a $120 weight lifting belt. But I regret that. He has some money coming his way from when he was in the hospital and the group home took rent. But it has to go through a whole process. Long story. So my sister doesn't think I should buy him it. I bought him a whole bunch of healthy food for him for the visit but a lot of it got spoiled. I only had $50 left on my food stamp card. So I had to pay cash for my groceries. I just can't afford that. It's so stressful