where does social anxiety come from?

For as long as i can remember i have been labled "shy" and told i would grow out of it. Well I am 24 now and it is worse than ever. I cant call to make appointments, i cant call to order pizza, i cant drive, when i was working I couldn't even cash my check without having a full panic attack. Just wondering does this come from environmental factors such as my childhood, or is it actually a chemical imbalance. My therapist told me to call a psychiatrist 3 weeks ago. she even gave me the number, but I cant bring myself to do it i am too nervous

Some discussion of it begins here: http://psychologicalselfhelp.org/Cha...chap5_108.html , good information on shyness and social anxiety.

I take things in small steps if need be myself. And whenever I do make the difficult phone call, survive being anxious, take a healthy risk - I try to see this as building new habits.

For me, when I go through experiences like what you've listed, I see it as both caused by childhood and other difficult experiences, and by my own choices and habits. Plus physical stuff is always in the mix.

No matter what the source, I've decided it is important and that my own perceptions are valuable. If something is hard for me, that is the way it is, and then I can build some new habits and make changes.

It might be a combination. I think that's why your T asked you to call a psychiatrist. But no matter what, things can't get done if you don't do them. Most of my fears was fear of being afraid and my therapy helped some with that. I do most things now whether I'm afraid or not. Some things just take doing them to get less afraid. When things turn out okay then they can be repeated and the more they're repeated, the easier they are to do, like riding a bicycle.

I was always afraid of the phone too and calling and when I was your age and had to call a clinic because my T told me to, I called and was put on hold forever. I was afraid to hang up and held until the "disconnect" tone came on like 10-15 minutes later! I didn't know what to do so called my T and asked her. I was afraid the clinic person answering the phone would get mad I'd called back or something, recognize it was me. My T explained it like nonanxious people see it (including the clinic person answering the phone) and got me to call again and I was successful that time. Maybe you can set up a period and call your T, then the psychiatrist's office to set up an appointment, then the T again? Break down what you have to do and surround yourself with comfort or rewards or whatever would work for you.

Hi confusedgurl08

Welcome to PC!

I've worked with some folks who had some horrible anxiety about using the telephone. What I did to help them through it was to role play with them. First by talking normally back and forth, then by using a intercom...not the telephone receiver. I would go into another room where we couldn't see each other. Then we would role play through the intercom. Next came using the receiver (2 phones/one line) in different rooms, role playing. Next, I would have them call me on my cell phone and I would be outside their home in my car.

From there, we would take small but significant steps to calling their friends or family....even if all they could do was dial the number and had to hang up when the anxiety got too difficult. The more they practiced, the bettter they became.

I also taught people with phone anxiety to talk while standing up instead of sitting down. By standing, you feel more in charge and can have more confidence while talking on the phone.

Maybe if you had some "cheat sheets" to use while on the phone....little phrases you can read and repeat.

I know alot of this sounds very simplistic, but it's the best way to work through the fear and anxiety of making calls. Familiarity will help to breed confidence and less anxiety.

Maybe you can ask your T if you can make the call from their office to the psychiatrists office. That way T can be there with you to help you through it.

As a person who used to be very shy as a kid, and still battle it today sometimes, I know where you are coming from. And to this day, I still get my tongue tangled at times on the phone.....and the best thing I do for myself is to laugh and tell the person on the other line that I'm a bit confusilated Sometimes a good laugh is enough to help break that anxious moment, slow you down a bit and get back on track.

Wishing you well!


sabby

Ive never had social anxiety, or at least I dont think so. I used to be a very shy child, and even now I don't really care to call people. I answer phones at work because I have to do it, but I am not a phone person. On my own time, I dont like to answer my phone, and i dont like to call people besides for family and husband. Im not afraid, i just dont care for it.

thank you all for the support and all the advice. I think what sabby said makes a lot of since. Standing up might help me i have never thought about that before. Usually I just wait and have my husband do it for me when he gets home. This Makes me feel guilty and like i am more of his child than his wife. I just get so nervous talking to people in public and on the phone that when they talk i get confused then frustrated, angry and then cry uncontrollably because they don't understand me. but i will try all the suggestions that you all gave me and i really do appreciate them thank you.

(((((((( confused )))))))))

I just thought of another trick to help you when you are talking with someone and you get confused and upset.

First of all...remember to breathe....sounds simple, but I know when we get upset, we tend to hold our breath. The second thing is to repeat back to the individual what you heard them say. That way, if you have missed something, they can clarify it for you in different words.

When I'm having difficulties like that I will usually say to the individual..."Ok, just so I understand what you just said I'm going to repeat it back to you". Most folks are fine with that and will help you along.

You know, there is nothing wrong with stating, "I'm sorry, I'm not understanding what you are talking about, so I will have my husband call you later for clarification". Even though this does not help you to understand what is being said, you are still communicating to the individual and you are taking some control of the situation by that communication.

Step by step you can work through this fear and apprehension. Know you are not alone in this, there are many who deal with the same thing.


sabby

im glad you brought that up.. I actually did that last night. I didn't want to call my insurance company to ask about my deductible, it took me 2 hours to get up the nerve to do it. My husband told me he would do it, but i said no let me try. So i did, and it was a disaster. I was so confused and asked the lady to repeat it 3 times and then she got irritated with me so I told her Could she please explain it to my husband and he might be able to understand better. She talked to him for about 5 minutes and she told him to apologize to me for getting irritated with me. So even though i had an extreme anxiety attack and was crying uncontrollably We accomplished the goal of getting my question answered.