[thelostone]

i have read many posts both here and other forums, and i have done lots of research and not found anyone else with quite this problem. i have SAD, PA, OCD, and mild depression brought on by the boredom of agoraphobia. I am sure i am being watched. i have every window in my house covered with sheets. i even have my front door(it is a french door) covered with a sheet so people can't see in and see me. i feel like there are eyes everywhere and i panic when i think someone can see me. I also can't talk on the telephone. only answer when caller id says it is hubby or kids, and can't call out to anyone but them. even have trouble talking to them on the phone. i know i am crazy lol but please tell me someone else has this problem so i know i am not alone. i feel like the crazy old lady who peeks out the window and hides when anyone looks towards me.

lost

[Perna]

Hi, lostone, welcome to PsychCentral.

Wow, that takes a lot of energy! I was interested in your statement that you are depressed because of the "boredom" of agoraphobia. I hate being bored almost worst than anything and would rather be scared.

Have you ever tried going for broke and dismantling everything, sheets and all? It doesn't sound like your safeguards help you much? I'd do the opposite, just to have something "different" happen. Can you go out with your husband or kids or anything? I can do more things with others than I can alone.

When did you start having these troubles? Do you have a doctor or therapist you see? Your situation sounds really uncomfortable.

[thelostone]

i am essentially housebound. i force myself to let my hubby take me to our family dr once a month because that is the only way i can get my xanax, restoril and pain meds refilled. i am trying to get to a place where i can at least go out with my husband for a drive or something. been stuck in the house for almost 2 years now.

i have tried uncovering the windows and doors, but sit in my bedroom having panic attacks thinking they are watching me, don't know who "they" are though. keeping it all covered does help, at least i can move around the house a little.

not currently in therapy, and the ssri i was taking made the anxiety worse so i stopped taking it. hubby was injured and disabled in 93 so i was the bread winner, and i am currently not able to afford any sort of medical help other than gp who works with me on payment etc cause he's been my dr for 17 years. soon as i finally get my ssa disability through then i hopefully will be able to get more professional help.

lost

[Perna]

I had a group of "them" and told my therapist and she told me to tell "them" she didn't believe they existed. I almost had a panic attack right then and there but laughed instead; she was a little oriental woman and the image of "them" attacking her or me because of what she said was funny, she was like a bantam rooster. It worked though!

I think you need someone outside, other than your husband to talk to. You can only get so much squeezed inward (I did that for many years in my head, living in a fantasy world), you need to learn how to make some space out from you so you have room. Took me many many years of therapy but I'm great now.

[thelostone]

my biggest problem is i know the whole thing is ridiculous. i know there is no body there. but i can't get the fear to go away. or the PAs. that just makes me feel more stupid and useless. i wish there was a magic pill that could stop the fear. i want to be normal again.

[Perna]

It's not ridiculous, it's a very real problem you have!

I've only ever had one really bad panic attack and I just waited it out because the logical side of me is nice and strong and was able to look around and see the blue sky, think about what was going on with my actual day and the plans for the next, etc. and see there was no reason at all that I should be feeling like I did. Eventually it subsided.

Maybe you could experiment with your panic attacks? Do something like go out in your backyard in the middle of the day (where there probably are literally no people around?) and have an attack, just sit in a lawn chair or face your house (so no one can see your face) and try to do some "chore" like raking old leaves or getting a garden bed ready for Spring planting) and when it subsides, keep working on whatever you're doing and see if/when another attack starts? Make up a mantra, "It will end, it will end. . ." and keep reminding yourself you're afraid of being afraid rather than anything actually happening in your life at the moment and see how it goes, how much time you have between attacks, etc. The "sweet spot" :-) when there isn't an attack. If you get "clinical" and scientific about it, maybe it will let up some or you'll learn something interesting (panic attack, 2 minutes; sweet spot, 8 minutes -- what can you get done/experience of life in 8 minutes :-)

Interesting article: http://www.healthyplace.com/Communit...y/causes_3.asp

[trippinmickey]

Thats funny I act that way to .I hate phone No I hate phone very very very much.And there use to be times where I would walk back and forth with a baseball bat in my living room I thought everyone was watching my house and were going to breakin .When i go out I always wear sunglasses so know one can look into my eyes .I hate that !! and of cause when I go shopping im always am being followed by store dictives.But I have to say the sun glass and mp3 player help alot when I have to go out it closes me off from the world around me . Oh Meds help too (alot).

[BalishBun]

You know somehow I can relate to the feeling of it being rediculous, but at the same time its really scary.

[thelostone]

my logical mind knows that there is nothing to be scared of. but "in the moment", which is usually a lot longer than a moment, the logic is not there. i can tell myself all day long that it is riciculous but it does me no good. it won't stop that feeling which won't stop the panic.

lost

[Naina]

Hay i have some similar kin dof symptoms but not when i am alone in ma room ...I go to uni, a hell u can say. I go by bus n in bus i have to sit for 1 hour in the tense n panic state . It seems that every one is looking at me or some sone is looking at me n then i dont know what happens to me n i get the worst...Tensed n feel soo bad...

[ellegirl]

Maybe it would help if you begin relaxation from inside your home? This is just a suggestion based on what my therapist is telling me to do , ha. I knowit sounds silly to 'just breath', or 'think of a safe place' but after awhile those seemingly small suggestions do help. Its harder to relax during a panic attack. You should begin your relaxation methods while already relaxed..that way when panic strikes, you will begin to deal with it more readily, more easily. Lie on your bed for 5 mins, 5 times a day and focus on breathing from your stomach , not your chest. Think of a safe place too if this helps. Then when you feel panic coming, just stop and look inside yourself...talk yourself through it. You are a strong person and you do have the ability to overcome this. I believe in you!