[taraintx]

Hi all,

I'm a newbie here- this is my first post I'm looking forward to hearing feedback and advice from you guys as well as dispensing it out when I feel I can help!

I've had a lot of psychiatric issues in the past, and have managed to quell them for the most part over the past year and a half, but it seems like whenever I get into a relationship, they all just come back in full force. Here's the deal:

I started seeing a new guy 5 months ago and things started off great. We had fun together, he was good to me, everything was going well.
Then my trust issues started to creep in. I made the mistake of snooping on his computer and found some stuff I really didn't like (rather not divulge the details...) and since then everything has spun out of control.

I've been burned a few times in the past. My first and most serious boyfriend yet (of 2 yrs) cheated on me, I found out in the middle of that relationship that my best friend (of 9 yrs) was stealing from me, I've dealt with emotional and physical/sexual abuse from several members of my family... the list goes on.

The point is that every time someone I'm in a relationship where my SO does something even minute to abuse my trust, it's on. I become "crazy jealous insane girlfriend" and start accusing them of the most inane things. I become hypercritical, start to develop terribly anxiety, and I get horrible panic attacks every time I even SUSPECT infidelity. The thought of someone I love keeping secrets from me literally makes me sick to my stomach. I'll start to convince myself that they don't care about me at all. It eventually ends up ruining the relationship.

Outside of my romantic relationships, I consider myself a pretty normal person. I'm not depressed (anymore), I'm not an anxious person, I have goals, ambitions, work towards them, and generally have a good grasp and outlook on life. It seems like all of my problems stem from my relationships and cause me a great deal of anxiety and depression. I have an INTENSE fear of abandonment and rejection. What bothers me most about all of this is that I feel like I know what's right, and I can tell when what I'm thinking is irrational, but my emotions ALWAYS end up taking over. It's like I can't control them, and I often feel like my mind is working against me in all of this.

Sigh, I dunno, anybody else feel this way? Advice?

I'm on meds right now (Adderall for ADHD, starting on Zoloft/Xanax tomorrow), and am in the process of looking for a therapist, just wanted to know if anyone else out there had the same problem and had any advice

Thanks guys, I appreciate it!

x-posted to the Relationships & Communication forum

[nightbird]

hi,

Give your meds some time to calm things down for you.

You have been through alot and it does cause confusion in our lives when we are young and equipped with limited coping skills.

Good for you for seeking help.

You will get to feel some relief, I hope, and get to know yourself better, like why you react and how to change some things you feel are hurting you and maybe others.

Once that happens, (knowing why we do things) everything positive is possible.

Good Luck. Hope you stick around.

peace,
nightbird

[BalishBun]

You know, when you get cheated on, it takes a lot out of you. I can see why if you had bouts with anxiety why being in such relationships could leave you the way you are now. Its understandable. Im sure I would have been the same way if my anxiety had developed before my current relationship did.