[countrymusicgurl]

I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to open up to people.
A lot of people have told me to write it down and i've tried that before and it doesent work out it just gets werid..
by werid i mean i start to freak out get tounge tied and nervous then it gets werid and akward which just makes everything just down right uncomfertable....
that happens when i write stuff down and read it or just talk with someone about what going on in my head or why i'm sad or angry.
i'm just not comfertable talking that way to people i never have...
i've never been that way i've always just kept everything to myself and i know that is a seriously bad habbit and it very hard one to break.
Any Advice??

[altonwoodsdrphil]

dear cm girl, one persons weird is another persons wonderful! I would just be myself and try not to place so much importance on what some people think,remember, those who matter don't care if you're "weird," and those who DO care, really don't matter! don't "guilt" yourself into being something that you're not, you may just need to meet the right people before you feel as though you want to open up to them.

[silentlyscreaming]

I know exactly how frustrating that can be. I have the same difficulty. When i was in therapy, i used to plan what i wanted to say all week before the session and repeat it over and ove in my head, but when i actually got there all that would come out would be jibberish, if anything at all.
I was actually talking to a friend about it recently, and I'll share the advice she gave me. I've only just started doing it myself, and so far so good.
The thing that i find that makes it harder to open up is a fear of being judged, laughed at, or some preconceived reaction. Try starting by giving people genuine compliments, tell them how helpful they are, the way their hair is styled looks good, things like that. Apparently, after a while, the apprehension lessens with these people and you feel more comfortable with verbalising the more difficult things. (I hope i explained that ok)
As I said, I have only just started with the whole complimenting thing, but the friend who suggested it said she used to feel the same way, and it did wonders for her.
Just a suggestion.

[silentlyscreaming]

Oops, sorry, I meant to also add that if you find something helpful, I would really appreciate it if you would share.
Thanks, and good luck

[50guy]

Hi CMG,
Welcome to PC.

I would advise you to just go slow and don't over think what you want to say. sometimes we try to say everything at once and end up not making sense to people or we sound silly. Let the conversation flow easily and natural. Preparation for a conversation rarely works because of the nature of a conversation. what you are doing is rehearsing a speech. Forget about a speech, when engaging a conversation both side get a chance to talk and you can rarely anticipate a response unless you are in a debate.

Hope this helps you,

[Timgt5]

One way I found is to focus on someone's interest or hobbies and ask them meaningful questions. People will often open up to complete strangers when it comes to interest.

Be observant, for example, if someone is wearing a jersey of a sports team, ask them about the team, or the school it represents.

Look for suttle things, people love for the most part to be given the stage, when they feel comfotable with something they are familiar with, in the end its about finding comon ground.

[fellowtraveler]

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countrymusicgurl said:
I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to open up to people.

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One thing that I heard many years ago that was helpful to me was the idea of "vulnerability test balloons." Scientists sometimes send "test balloons" up into the atmosphere to see what weather conditions are like. In interpersonal situations, you can do the same thing. Send out little bits of information--nothing too deep--and see how it is received. When you find someone who receives your "test balloons" without judgment and in a supportive way, then you can send out a little bit more information. The idea is to get vulnerable with people gradually. You can also see if after you send out your "tests" if the other person shares with you about them. The best friendships are reciprocal (a two-way street).