[skeeweeaka]

Today I have to take my dd over to a friends house to drop her off and I am freaking out about it. I am trying now to think about it in terms of freaking out but it is not working. I don't want to do it... I know she needs to be able to go over to friends house and have fun but it is hard for me... I want to just drop her off,but I know I must at least go up the house and say hello...heavy sigh. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I feel so inept... Maybe a couple of valium might help...if I take them now... I have an hour...

Why is meeting people and going out so hard for me. My T says I have made progress because at least I am getting of the house to take her now, since my ex is away...but this is very very difficult and I hate it! Especially, because the people don't like me very much...

TJ

[CedarS]

I'll help hold your umbrella in the storm. I know this is tough, what you are going through. Somehow it will pass.

Is there any type of treat you can reward yourself with after?

[Kapri421]

I have a problem with getting out of the house, except today I just started back up thinking of taking the bus. At least I got the adrenaline boost of thinking of taking public transportation again. My last therapist thought it a good idea and now I don't know but I'll try.
People are so unpredictable.

[Fuzzybear]

(I completely relate to your anxiety, particularly seeing people (IRL) who I don't like very much, have something coming up very soon for me )

duh I'm sorry I misread it, I also feel some of them don't like me much and that I'll goof hugely and they will like me less

I hope it goes ok for you
(valium works wonders sometimes )

This may not help much, but what I do is think to myself .... if I do this .... take the dog on my own .... go to someones house, whatever ... i can lie in bed and think back be proud of myself later .... sounds pretty pathetic, but it works for me .... if the people dont like you, it may just be you thinking that? Or maybe you shouldn't let it bother you. Just say hi, you're on yur way into town/family and leave .... it's so hard isn't it? Something so easy is like a hurdle sometimes ... but the more hurdles we jump the better we get .... hugs, Jinny xoxoxoxox

[Sannah]

I am sorry Skee, how long have you had these fears?

[skeeweeaka]

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Sannah said:
I am sorry Skee, how long have you had these fears?

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Thanks for all of the support. It's been eight years of struggling with this...my official label...diagnosis...is bipolar, social anxiety disorder, and ptsd... It makes it very difficult for my dd to be able to do anything, however and I am really, really trying to be better..

Update on the event...I took the Valium....took a shower and cried throughout the shower so my dd wouldn't know I was all shook up... Then I came out with a smile and took her...and cried on the way there... When I got there there were outside waiting on us so I walked up to the car and said hello, put her bags in the car and thanked them for taking her... Then I got back on the car and cried all the way home....heavy sigh! And for hours later!

Difficult, just difficult, to be normal... Heck, at this stage I don't know any more what normal is...

TJ

[Sannah]

Skee, I am so sorry. You did it though! Do you know why this upsets you so?

[skeeweeaka]

My therapist thinks it has to do with PTSD and my feelings about the incidents that lead up to that...or fears about them...not trusting people...feeling that people are out to get me....

We're working on it in therapy, but have been for a very long time...

TJ

[Sannah]

I have never had PTSD but I had anxiety and I learned a few things from the people on a PTSD board on another site. I used to have my anxiety triggered by various situations. What I did was focus on the moment that was triggering my anxiety and tell myself that I am safe and there is nothing in this situation which should be making me anxious. I then told myself that my anxiety is from my feelings from the past and the past is gone. I know that the past is not gone from your mind but the past is gone from your current situation. The trick is to teach your mind that it must move on and focus on your safe present time and leave that past in the past. It really is just training your mind. Every time that I did this technique my anxiety was triggered less and less until it disappeared.

I can only do 5 posts today so if I have 10 posts under my name I cannot reply and I reached my limit. If this happens I'll respond tomorrow.

[Schatje]

Hi TJ. I know how tough it is to be where you are. I'm bipolar II, ocd, and gad. I wanted to take a moment to celebrate that you accomplished something very very difficult. You did it!!!! I know it doesn't take the anxiety or the hurt or the paranoia or how difficult it was to do away, but I wanted you to know how proud I am of you.

[skeeweeaka]

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Sannah said:
I have never had PTSD but I had anxiety and I learned a few things from the people on a PTSD board on another site. I used to have my anxiety triggered by various situations. What I did was focus on the moment that was triggering my anxiety and tell myself that I am safe and there is nothing in this situation which should be making me anxious. I then told myself that my anxiety is from my feelings from the past and the past is gone. I know that the past is not gone from your mind but the past is gone from your current situation. The trick is to teach your mind that it must move on and focus on your safe present time and leave that past in the past. It really is just training your mind. Every time that I did this technique my anxiety was triggered less and less until it disappeared.

I can only do 5 posts today so if I have 10 posts under my name I cannot reply and I reached my limit. If this happens I'll respond tomorrow.

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Thanks it sounds like something I have been trying...to tell myself that I am safe...but in my heart of hearts I don't feel safe...I feel vulnerable....and don't trust people... It is difficult to trust people after everything that I have been through... I am working on it, however slow the progress...

TJ

[Sannah]

Hi Skee, what I would do is "study" the situations from the past to figure out why you were vulnerable. Were you a child at the time? If you were an adult did you feel that you didn't have the right to protect yourself? Did you not have good personal boundaries?

Likewise, I would study the current situations that are causing you panic. What are the odds that these people are really going to hurt you (your daughter's playmate's mom)?

I used to not be able to stand up for myself at all and I was a big follower. I learned the skills that I did not have and now it is a completely different ballgame.

Before I developed healthy personal boundaries I remember feeling extremely vulnerable a lot of the time. It isn't a good feeling and it can leave you shaking inside.