[girlcharm18]

ok so I posted in my last bulliten about my stupid thoughts which maybe wasn't a good idea cause something cause a trigger and made me breakdown now I just need some reasurance that im normal and not a freak!! I understand my thoughts are irrational and I would never do stuff that I think but I doubt all the time just like the stories u hear that are about mothers with ocd or others that have harm ocd that exactly how I feel everything they discribe is how I feel everything I search daily and constatley about everything that I think of to make sure im not a phsyco I search everything about acd or other stuff it could be I have such a huge fear of psychosis or schitzophrenia I noiced I did the same when I had fears of germs and illness I just need some sort of reasurance to know that im not a freak

[bluevixen]

there are mental health care places in your area that you can pay on a sliding scale depending on your income...

[girlcharm18]

yeah I went to the only therapist here in my town when I was on drugs and she just gave me anxiety med and prozac when I was 17 she said I had anxiety I already know that it seemed like she was more like a drug and alcohol therapist she was friends with my dad since she worked with immates at a jail and my dad ran a jail there this town is little a lot of the doctors here refer people to other places out of town which wouldn't work since we couldn't afford the gas!

[bluevixen]

i'm just saying just because we are dx'ed with a mental illness that don't make us freak's...i have bad thought's sometimes like you do...but i see a pdoc and a therapist and i'm on meds...i really suggest you do the same thing...i have read all your post's and i'm really concerned for you.

[girlcharm18]

see just u saying ur concerned makes me feel all anxious I have good days and bad where the thoughts don't bug me at all I have a good support system at home a boyfriend that helps and a bestfriend that might as well be a therapis lol I google all day long about anxiety and ocd it seems to take away the anxious feeling knowing im not the only one that thinks this way and that I will be ok I love my children more then anything in the world always have I probaly would still be on drugs and ****ed up if it wasn't for the the love of my children!! I broke down today in tears because I wanna be normal again with out taking meds I mean all that does is fix it temporarily I don't wanna have to depned on something for the rest of my life! I often meditate as well which seemed to help I would say positive affarmations through out the day! I read self realization books from paramahansa yogananda as well that I recommend to everyone here! im a little worried like just so I know what worries u exactly? the anxiety or something else?

[bluevixen]

the bad thoughts...OCD and you might have other DX...but it's good what you are doing...hugs

[girlcharm18]

ox? im reading affimations st the moment to ease the panic attack what are u doing I also have been reading up on ocd and they said unwanted intursive thoughts are a part of hocd some of the stories are crazy what people go through with thi makes me feel some sense of being normal well not normal but my ocd could be worse what about u I mean what do u go through?

[bluevixen]

DX is the disorder you are diagnosed with...to deal with my bipolar and anxiety and depression...i take my med's..see a therapist..go to PC's support chat's..talk to friend's...i get racing thought's and it's maddening...so i try not to think too much..i redirect my thought's to good thought's

[girlcharm18]

really? bi polar sucks my ex is majorly bi polar my mom took me to see a therapist which thought I was bi polar but I was also on drugs and a teenager a girl teenager at that lol I know this book I read would help u its called scientific healling affirmations its help me and my boyfriend from drug addiction and what not I meditate to that help me with my racing thoughts and makes me feel a lot calmer anyway the guy or guru I should say his name is paramahansa yoganada he books are great and talks a lot on how to help with mental illnesses! I used to think is was stupid but it really helps!

[Michah]

Originally Posted by girlcharm18

ok so I posted in my last bulliten about my stupid thoughts which maybe wasn't a good idea cause something cause a trigger and made me breakdown now I just need some reasurance that im normal and not a freak!! I understand my thoughts are irrational and I would never do stuff that I think but I doubt all the time just like the stories u hear that are about mothers with ocd or others that have harm ocd that exactly how I feel everything they discribe is how I feel everything I search daily and constatley about everything that I think of to make sure im not a phsyco I search everything about acd or other stuff it could be I have such a huge fear of psychosis or schitzophrenia I noiced I did the same when I had fears of germs and illness I just need some sort of reasurance to know that im not a freak

You are not a freak and you are completely normal even if you don't feel it and have you seen a professional about how you are feeling? It helps. Keep talking about it. A chinese proverb - "To know thine enemy, one must first make it beautiful". Very difficult but something to think about.

[girlcharm18]

no I know it helps but I know all they will do here is medicate me the therapists aren't good here I live in alittle town and went and seen the only two here when I was 17 not much help usally doc around here like to send people else where I know I can do this im a strong person and have been dealing with it forever I used to say to my boyfriend who is a mma fighter u may feel strong from fighting and think ur tough cause u can handle punches to the face but u don't know what strong is until u have felt how I felt! it takes strong people like us to be able to keep going and everyone on here to keep going and know theres hope!