[ihateit]

I don't know if anyone here has read my situation, here is the link to posts I have made about it:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=89984

Short story my wife came home last week Monday and told me she didn't love, need or want me and nothing could fix it. I was smothering her and she had had enough of my angry outbursts.

I did not know, after 17 years of T that 1. Anxiety makes you want to control, and 2. Anger is the flipside of Anxiety. The two things I was doing that was driving her away...all my fault!

I have not been angry for a while now, almost a month, for some reason it's just gone...the anxiety of us not working out is killing me. Even though we have talked and talked, and she has now promised to not leave me and that eventually everything will be ok, I can't stop the thoughts. I can't stop the 1000 reason she'll leave me thoughts. They race in my head at night and whenever she's not around. Even if she's home. I have to restrain myself from overloading her with questions (yet I find myslef doing it anyway...but she needs space and time, I really am trying...it's so hard) because of my deep insecurites.

My T said let the thoughts come, and then tell yourself that you're ok, and that even if she did leave you it doesn't matter you'll be ok. No, that doesn't help. It won't be ok. I have lived alone, that's not the problem, it's her I don't want to be without, that is my deep rooted fear, well that and fear of abandoment, but really, if I analyize the situation, I have been married 4 times and have never felt like this in any other break up, being alone isn't my fear, being alone without her, is. It's her I want and need, I can't inundate her with all this all the time, but again it's soooo hard. Sorry to ramble, just ... scared.

Thanks for "listening!"

[Sannah]

IHI, maybe the anger is gone because there is a high cost to being angry now? I read your link. I think you are doing good work. You are communicating with your wife and becoming aware of yourself and doing good work..........

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((ihateit)))))))))))

[ihateit]

Thanks guys!

I guess my main fear now is "slipping" up. My anger is gone, because the anxiety of her leaving has been aleviated (sp?)...but as I am, more anxieties pop up, and the 10,000,000,000 reasons she would leave me race through my head, epsecially at night in bed. I don't know how to curb them, but I will not let them ruin my life.

Thanks for the support guys!

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( ihateit )))))))))))))))))))))

I used to have a real hard time of curbing those kind of feelings, what used to work for me is to journal about it, that way you are getting it out but in a more healthy way. One neat thing about writing in a journal is you can take it to T with you if you want and talk through the exact feelings you were battling at the time and learn some new coping skills for the next time it comes up.

[multipixie9]

hi, i believe i've read part of your posts on ptsd... but here's what i'm thinking, i've had severe anxiety and it is really hard to quell at extreme levels just by "cognitive" means. could it be that it would be beneficial to talk to your doc or pdoc about how bad this is? perhaps you could add some medical help to what you are doing in your work on yourself and your issues and this painful situation with your spouse.

i only suggest this because a person can get to a place of such intensity that the body itself gets so stressed that it can't slow down on its own. it is like you may need something to interrupt the physical stress and adrenaline pumping through you in your state of hypervigilance brought on by fear of losing her.

possible trigger****

it sounds to me like you may be in a condition that may remind your body of war conditions - fear, heart rate up and racing, mind and body on high alert, feeling so close to catastrophe and unbearable loss. it just may be too much for your body and mind together, which works against your goal of giving her space and not being too intense with her. i feel for you, i do. sincerely,

leslie

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

hi, i believe i've read part of your posts on ptsd... but here's what i'm thinking, i've had severe anxiety and it is really hard to quell at extreme levels just by "cognitive" means. could it be that it would be beneficial to talk to your doc or pdoc about how bad this is? perhaps you could add some medical help to what you are doing in your work on yourself and your issues and this painful situation with your spouse.

i only suggest this because a person can get to a place of such intensity that the body itself gets so stressed that it can't slow down on its own. it is like you may need something to interrupt the physical stress and adrenaline pumping through you in your state of hypervigilance brought on by fear of losing her.

possible trigger****

it sounds to me like you may be in a condition that may remind your body of war conditions - fear, heart rate up and racing, mind and body on high alert, feeling so close to catastrophe and unbearable loss. it just may be too much for your body and mind together, which works against your goal of giving her space and not being too intense with her. i feel for you, i do. sincerely,

leslie

Nah, but tys. I have had Panic/Anxiety for over 17 years...I am calm enough, heart isn't racing, feel a lot more at peace with every passing day, just need a way to stop the fear and thoughts!

Thanks!