[Zen888]

I'm not proud of myself by any means...but due to my high anxiety levels and paranoia problems I tend to not tell the truth to avoid having to do things or go places. This is becoming a bad habit of mine lately.

Today, I called a friend and left a voice mail and said I couldn't attend church with her on the weekend due to a bad cold. I am only in the beginning stages of a cold. I am just so nervous about attending church and being around ppl I don't know. Plus it is in the evening and thats when I need to take my medication...which makes me feel sleepy but more balanced in the brain so to speak.

I told this friend on the voice mail msg that maybe next weekend I would be up to attending church with her.

I just dont like going out in the evening and especially to places I have never been before and around ppl I don't know.

How do I overcome this horrible habit of not telling the truth and making stuff up to avoid not going somewhere...etc?

My anxiety and paranoia levels control my life. I can only deal with life when I am fully medicated.

I am very disappointed with myself and my behaviour. I like to think of myself as an honest person.

[ihateit]

I know where you're coming from. For a while in the past year, I found myself doing the same thing. I would tell my wife I didn't feel well so I didn't have to leave the house to go shopping. I would tell her that I felt really bad in the mornings so I wouldn't have to take my daughter to school. You're not a lone, but I found that doing this was not helping my marriage in any way, shape or form.

Do I still get nervous going out, sometimes...yeah. I have to tell myself 1. No matter where you go, your symptoms go with you. Eg., I have had panic attacks at home, my "safe" place, major ones, just as I have had them at church, or in a supermarket.
2. The fears are irrational. For the most part most fears are irrational. My fears of bridges, elevators, tunnels...now I make an effort to go over, under and in these places to help me...if I have to go somewhere, I go, if I feel panicky, I don't have to stay there, I can leave, nothing is forcing me to stay anywhere I don't want to be, including work. Remember too that people aren't going to laugh at you for having a panic attack, more than likely, if they can see it happening (which is hard to do most of the time), people will offer you help, not laugh at you and put you down.
3. And the best advice I ever got from my favorite T who I can no longer see , and this may sound odd to a lot of you out there, make friends with your panic attacks. When she told me this I laughed, but she was serious. I went home that night, and...sure enough here comes a big one, but wait, I hear her voice, I lay on the couch and conciously said, ok, come big boy, let's have a time. The attack came and went, and on a scale of one to 10, it was a 3...then next time I did this, it was a 1. It helps.

Most of all, find a T that can help you. Your fears are rooted, and yes this is a theme in all my posts pretty much, but they are, rooted in something. If you can dig that out, find out the root cause and work on that, and no just treat the symptoms, you will be so much better off! Sounds like you may need a change in drugs too...not a doc, but I know a few drugs that really help, and ones that work in between in case something happens.

Take it one day at a time, and no you're not alone! I hope your journey finds you well at the end of the day.

[madisgram]

so sorry that you're experiencing this anxiety, zen. you are an honest person and that's why these fibs are bothering you. here at pc you stated what's going on with you and about making up excuses. if you really trust this church friend to care and understand, why not just explain to her what's going on with you? i bet she would select a better time for you all if she knew. as for being around ppl i sometimes get that way too. perhaps there's a time when the church isn't so full. also the same applies to when you do go out....try to take a supportive friend and pick times with less ppl out too. at xmas i avoid the malls like crazy. i can't tolerate the crowds. so i shop for gifts all thru the year when i do go on short outings. each short outing makes me feel more comfortable while i am out. i'm reducing the external stimuli and taking everything in moderate doses.
i hope what i have found helps me, may help you too!

[Sannah]

Or just tell her that you don't like going out in the evening without going into detail if you don't want to explain everything? Do you feel like you don't have the right to tell people no?

[PhotoFreak123]

I get it. I have cancelled on so many things due to anxiety. It's just a horrible feeling and it makes me want to puke, and HAS made me puke. I wish medication actually worked for me--or SOMETHING!

Good luck to you.