[Polperro]

A friend listened to me explain my issues a couple of days and pointed me in the right direction for help. I should say I know that I can trust the person.

As a direct result I have been quite happy and relaxed (slighty hyper at times) for the past day and a bit thinking of what had been said and then bang I woke this morning full of mistrust, and I'm doubting everything, anxious that this information could be made public, I feel sick to my stomach and very wary of people and regretting that what I had disclosed.

I have contacted my friend many times in the past week and I feel that I am pestering them too much… I know I am in a negative frame of mind at the moment and hopefully it will pass.

I am trying to understand why when you are confident in the person do you all of a sudden mistrust and doubt all that had been said ?

Polperro

for me it can be traced back to the abuse---just when i would begin to think that things were going ok, that maybe the parents really did care about me or i would begin to trust just a tiny bit--BAMM i was knocked on my butt and everything shattered into a million pieces.

that's how it is for me now. i am afraid to fully trust anyone for anything. and if i do, i get similar feelings to what you have. it's all going to hit me on the head.

trust is a really difficult issue. but what i am finding is that the more i practice with those who have proven trustworthy, the less i get those sick feelings.

wi

[madisgram]

sounds like you have a wonderful friend..i'm glad your conversation about your concerns helped you...at first.
to answer your question about feeling mistrust now...i found i used to revert back to my old way of thinking, "old tapes", many times even tho the result was ok and the trust remained intact. sounds like you did this cause you may be more comfortable with what you are accustomed to, old tape and mistrust, rather a better outcome. it doesn't make you a bad person. it just means you may find it rewarding to replace the old tapes with new ones that are more factual and true.
hope this helps.

[ihateit]

Mad is really good at lettin' ya know what's up!

I do the same thing, I have trust issues, even have recent huge post about it heh. With me, it's not a friend tho, it's someone a little closer, my wife. I trust her completely, but then, I don't. Oxymorons are fun!

I think your friend is great to listen and help you out, and you really have nothing to worry about. Read what Mad said a few times, and let it sink in...I think you'll find you'll be fine. Everyone goes through periods of mistrust and doubt, but they will go away, I know mine will, and I believe yours will too!

[Polperro]

(((White_iris, madisgram & ihateit)))
thank you for your advice and support...

White_Iris your opening paragraph has struck a chord with me, you metioned something that i would not have thought about ......

I too was abused, my father has emotionally abused me all my life, i know i should walk away but i just cant.
My younger brother has also emotionally abused me for a long time. The way i manage them is to keep them at an emotional arms length as I do with most people i come in contact with, so i think you may be on to something here.

I'll have to think on.....

I know most people are trustworthy and are not devious, but i just cant help this overwhelming feeling that when I divulge something they will use it to do me wrong.

Polperro

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by Polperro

I know most people are trustworthy and are not devious, but i just cant help this overwhelming feeling that when I divulge something they will use it to do me wrong.

Polperro

My wife has this problem, and as I stated, I do in a way too, but I don't hold people off emotionally, I go the other way and seek affirmation. My T said exactly what you just said, you know the answer! ...most ppl aren't out to hurt you! this is something I have discussed a few times with my wife (she's PTSD, so it's a little deeper for her), but her T and I have been trying to affirm that ppl aren't out to get you, for the most part, and they don't want to hurt you directly. You know the answer, use it.

[Polperro]

(((ihateit))),
as you have pointed out I know most people are trustworthy and not out to do harm but it doesnt help.

What I cant understand is why I end up with overwhelming mistrust/guilt and and all associated symptons that go with it, how do I get rid of these Bloody feelings.

Polperro

[madisgram]

you're on the right track even if you didn't know it:
"how do I get rid of these Bloody feelings?"

here's a thought to consider, FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS.
the feelings you have are false facts about ppl in general being not trustworthy. so when u revert back to the feeling level, there u are again with a false fact.
i dealt with this in therapy. i think many of us, having had bad experiences, may group everything together into a false belief. we generalize the experience into a general belief. anything that follows that is similar in nature we immediately place that experience with the others that are associated with a false fact.
so the key, imo, is to replace the false fact with a positive one. a new belief if you will.
example: you stated you had been abused and just when you thought things were better...bam you were back into the abuse belief...."it will always turn out this way, etc." so trust became an issue... not knowing when the other shoe would fall 'cause surely it would. so you created a false belief about ppl in general that for sure the other shoe would fall.

the real fact: some ppl cannot be trusted and by experience we can sort them out. but most ppl can be trusted. they have shown us that they can be trusted. therefore we can trust most ppl.
i hope this wasn't confusing. it took me a while of exercising this new way of thinking to, for the most part, eliminate reactions that were not applicable to the situation. now i can more easily sort out the truth of a situation and follow the true belief.
hope this helps.

[Polperro]

madisgram,
thankyou for taking the time to respond:

If i understand you correctly you are saying is When I get these feelings that I should take a step back and recognise them as only feelings and not act on them.

This makes me think that I would be vunerable to people who would want to do me harm.... but I do take your point.

Polperro