[Irine]

I have been a graphic design student for almost 4 years i am about to graduate.

I am always afraid of the crits in class. We do it all the time - bring the work and the teacher criitisizes it infront of everyone so that everyone can "learn from it"

The second semester of the last year and this year too - i felt fantom pain when thinking about/going to do my work - and i just wasn`t able to DO IT! Or i didn`t anything right all was mixed up in my head..

the feelings are like " ho no now she is gonna shoot me" and in my head it is almost like she is going to kill me or something - the teacher I feel scared TERRIFIED etc, and while doing the work, like today when and illustration doesn`t turn out right i again started freaking out....i just feel horrible despair and also "NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME !!!!!

because i think they will never like anything i do anyway and everything starts going fast throught my head and i - once it made me work and now it stops me from working....

I start to breath faster suddenly b4 critisizm and fimd it very hard to ever open my mouth and speak in class and last time when i have been working all 2 weeks and they told me nothing was right and i had to do the survey the investigation part again - all these 2 weeks i have been workig like hell every day 5 or 6 hours at least and then she tells me nothing is right etc and that the work is at the level of first college year not last. ho and - - that i DO NO WORK and DON`T SHOW UP in class when i didn`t only 1 time.

i also have trouble concentrating....i actually always had a self asteem/self hatred issue that made me suffer a graet deal and my belief in my tallant and intaligence ....are not as much,,,,well you know...i feel many time so worthless and not tallanted and so on and stupid and ridiculous and i feel i cannot feel any other way when about to recieve critidsizm

i feel that ANYWHERE graphic design involved people look at me like "who the heck you think you are you little ****ing squirt!"

So when i do the work it goes like "ho no no no they wont like it " - i try another idea and version and then "this will not either nothing is good" i cannot do ANY ****ing good and then - i leave things i just started and do something else never the first thing that comes to mind - which in the end mostly turns out to be the best.

I once told posted on ,.. "steps to better self asteem" forum about my self atred about how i suspect people to blame me in everythying (just hear it between the lines) even if actually its not there.

So nowhereturn told me he thought i had anxiety.

And between the lines of teachers words i hear "you lazy irresponsible worthless ****ing stupid rediculous creature"
and i cannot take it any more how i am humiliated how they hit me and i have to GET UP AND WORK and have some belive and some faith!! right? i HAVE TO!!!but how do they expect me to be good working hard when i feel like that!

(of course they don`t know)

But my question is: Do i have anything anxiety style?

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

I have been a graphic design student for almost 4 years i am about to graduate.

I am always afraid of the crits in class. We do it all the time - bring the work and the teacher criitisizes it infront of everyone so that everyone can "learn from it"

The second semester of the last year and this year too - i felt fantom pain when thinking about/going to do my work - and i just wasn`t able to DO IT! Or i didn`t anything right all was mixed up in my head..

the feelings are like " ho no now she is gonna shoot me" and in my head it is almost like she is going to kill me or something - the teacher I feel scared TERRIFIED etc, and while doing the work, like today when and illustration doesn`t turn out right i again started freaking out....i just feel horrible despair and also "NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME NO TIME !!!!!

because i think they will never like anything i do anyway and everything starts going fast throught my head and i - once it made me work and now it stops me from working....

I start to breath faster suddenly b4 critisizm and fimd it very hard to ever open my mouth and speak in class and last time when i have been working all 2 weeks and they told me nothing was right and i had to do the survey the investigation part again - all these 2 weeks i have been workig like hell every day 5 or 6 hours at least and then she tells me nothing is right etc and that the work is at the level of first college year not last. ho and - - that i DO NO WORK and DON`T SHOW UP in class when i didn`t only 1 time.

i also have trouble concentrating....i actually always had a self asteem/self hatred issue that made me suffer a graet deal and my belief in my tallant and intaligence ....are not as much,,,,well you know...i feel many time so worthless and not tallanted and so on and stupid and ridiculous and i feel i cannot feel any other way when about to recieve critidsizm

i feel that ANYWHERE graphic design involved people look at me like "who the heck you think you are you little ****ing squirt!"

So when i do the work it goes like "ho no no no they wont like it " - i try another idea and version and then "this will not either nothing is good" i cannot do ANY ****ing good and then - i leave things i just started and do something else never the first thing that comes to mind - which in the end mostly turns out to be the best.

I once told posted on ,.. "steps to better self asteem" forum about my self atred about how i suspect people to blame me in everythying (just hear it between the lines) even if actually its not there.

So nowhereturn told me he thought i had anxiety.

And between the lines of teachers words i hear "you lazy irresponsible worthless ****ing stupid rediculous creature"
and i cannot take it any more how i am humiliated how they hit me and i have to GET UP AND WORK and have some belive and some faith!! right? i HAVE TO!!!but how do they expect me to be good working hard when i feel like that!

(of course they don`t know)

But my question is: Do i have anything anxiety style?

hi ladymacbeth. It does sound like your having alot of anxiety. And who is hitting you? No one should be doing that. Also don't mind what the teachers say about your work. If your doing your best then it's good enough.

[pegasus]

Hugs ((((((( ladyM )))))))))

Sounds like you are under a great deal of stress, is there a counsellor at your college that you could speak to? I think it would be worth you seeking therapy to raise your self-esteem and talk through your feelings.

[Irine]

Thank you very much thunderbear and pegasus

I do have a theraopist and i do always work on my self asteem
The anxiety thing- i mean t there is adifference between the feelin and the disorder.

These days i have been doing somewhat better - tried to speak up for mysellf - had a meeting with the proffesor but it doesn`t get through to them thta if i need the help of not 4rth hear then give me other expanaiton - he tells me NO you are 4rth year college we will not tell you the details only the overall

eh, i am tired

**** THEM

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

Thank you very much thunderbear and pegasus

I do have a theraopist and i do always work on my self asteem
The anxiety thing- i mean t there is adifference between the feelin and the disorder.

These days i have been doing somewhat better - tried to speak up for mysellf - had a meeting with the proffesor but it doesn`t get through to them thta if i need the help of not 4rth hear then give me other expanaiton - he tells me NO you are 4rth year college we will not tell you the details only the overall

eh, i am tired

**** THEM

Hang in there ladymacbeth

[Irine]

Originally Posted by thunderbear

Hang in there ladymacbeth

I am
thanks so much

[Rmdctc]

To me it sounds as if you have Social Anxiety. I would ask your therapist about it.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by Rmdctc

To me it sounds as if you have Social Anxiety. I would ask your therapist about it.

maybe it is social...its about otheres waht do they think of me but also about myself.

the point is that i am with ppl friendly . The problem comes when i ...like the person!!

these days i started eeling some sense of erosnal power if i just open up and say the truth.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( lady )))))))))))))))