[Kiffygirl0793]

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

[rzrvision]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

Yes, I have gone through the same kind of feelings. I am 27, and just recently got diagnosed. It was very hard to come to terms with. I always heard that "I don't listen". I never got why so many peaple said this to me. Now I accept it.

[add58]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

Im 52 and been hearing the same stuff for years and been called all kinds of names.. I also suffer from major depression ..I just heard it again from a man I've been seeing for a few months..It does hurt when ppl say mean things .. focus on your good qualities. we are NOT slow..when we're on we r creative as hell and we tend to be intelligent..I think they're jealous.. hang in there

[Kiffygirl0793]

Thank you, rzrvision and add58. It's good to know I'm not alone

[Nupoet64]

Oh yeah. My husband teasing calls me scatter-brained...I am. I have trouble with focusing. Esp when stressed. It is hard. Lol, I just tell him he is jealous because my brain works faster at more things than his...

[injuneer63]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

I too cried when diagnosed at age 53. But for a different reason. For the first time in my whole life I finally came to understand as one book title says "I Am Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid"!! I knew as far back 9th/10th grade, that I was very different from other kids. What they seemed to do with great ease was like "Mission Impossible" for me. I barely graduated from high school. The main reasons being (1) I found many classes so boring that I just skipped them and after a while I skipped whole days (70 alone in my senior year and (2) when I got home and tried to do my homework I had the same difficulty focusing my attention on it as I did in school, I would berate and scold myself but still I just couldn't focus on the task. I wanted to do ANYTHING but homework. I became a world class procrastinator. I had a thousand excuses for not turning my work in and teachers rolled their eyes so much I thought they would pop out of their heads. (3) I would gaze out windows and daydream or sit at my desk and draw pictures or pass notes to my friends (especially pretty girls). But on the other hand, some classes like algebra, geometry, trig, science, drafting, and things I liked or was good at, I usually got A's. Through my entire school life I always scored high on acheivement tests and was put in classes with the brightest kids. Move forward 20 years later and I am in college and for some reason I got perfect grades in every class and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. The difference in my new success was I learned how to focus, how to use Hyperfocus, one of the many blessings that ADDers have that normal people don't. So the moral of this a story is, ADD can be a curse if you let it, or it can be your greatest asset. 17 years after I graduated with a BA degree, I had risen through the ranks of Lockheed martins engineering grades 1 through 6, to become chief test engineer on the newest Presidential Helicopter after serving 22 years in the Air Force as well. So cheer up my friend, find out about ADD, learn not just to live with it, but how harness it and make it work for you. Albert Einstein had ADD. Most people who have it are well above average in intelligence. These are things to be proud of, not be ashamed of. So go forth and make your mark in the world and I wish you the very best. And be very careful what you wish for, because if your hyperfocus locks in on it, oh baby, look out!! cause you rare very likely to get it. Be kind to yourself child, you are one of God's greatest creations.
Paul

Your friend, Paul

[caitlineli]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

Yes! I blamed myself for everything, just as my mother did, and my successes are all luck or something. I am now 68, and I still cannot remember what I was planning to do if there is any distraction available--TV, Internet, book, catalogs to flip through and daydream. I have known about my ADD for a lot of yeears but I had to stop my meds because I was hallucinating. I am now physically disabled, and feeling that I wasted my whole life by being depressed and wallowing in self-pity, with no possibility of a meaningful future. I am so glad there is somewhere where I can rant about this.

[Catman]

I was diagnosed as a child back in the '60's, and all the kids around me were always teasing me that I was in the "retard" classes (I consistantly scored in the 120's on the I.Q. tests, but the teachers STILL put me in the "slow" classes for some reason) I had a REALLY low self-esteem (attempted suicide 4 times in a month) until I just learned not to listen to "them", I just listen to the people out there (they DO exist, believe it or not) who are supportive and helpful.

I've been off Ritalin since I was a teenager (I was "cured"??) but I think I'm still having problems with ADHD...one day at a time...

[Callista]

I'd rather be "slow and an idiot" than be some kind of a jerk who thinks "slow" is an insult. Don't listen to them; they're just being bigots.

[sneschalmers]

My life has been such a disaster that if it weren't for the few good moments and several psychiatric hospitalizations I probably wouldn't even be alive right now

[aking2]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

Dear Kiffy, you have gotten a lot of useful advice here so I will probably sound like a broken record but anyway... 52 yes old and divorced last year after 28 yrs married... I fully understand a damaged self esteem! My ADD diag came too late... I never knew and had just relegated myself to being second best... everytime I tried to break out of that mindset I invariably chose poor options which just chipped away at our relationship... I found a great website ADHDMARRIAGE.COM which has opened my eyes and helped learn that I don't carry all the blame and guilt alone... And that maybe I can at least hope that in the future I can break free in a positive way and experience some personal success via my meds and therapy. Hang in there cause you aint alone baby!
Drew

[Kiffygirl0793]

Thank you to everyone who responded to this. I am doing a little better with coming to terms with it, I'm taking Ritalin now, I have my good and bad days on it. At least now I'm not crying as much. Thanks again everybody, I really appreciate your advice and comments.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up.

I suffer from bipolar disorder, specifically bipolar depression, and I too, for many years, attributed all my problems to depression. It is only now that ADD was suggested to me can I see my disorganization and difficulty with the way that schools are structured, as well as many other symptoms, truely explained.

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

I've been called lazy and told if I only applied myself I could excell at anything. The implicit judgement was that it was my own fault I wasn't accomplishing more or sometimes anything at all. Hearing such messages certainly damages our self esteem, as your title expresses.

[mrsolar]

Drugs are not bad as long as you are paying attention to side effects. Don't let yourself get all stigmatized. If they work, good. If not, it's not the end of the world. It takes a whole lot of different angles on ADD to find what works for you. I was 50 when I got diagnosed and didn't get serious about taking care of it until my wife tossed me out on my ear (I'm back w/ her now) and my kids were driven to hitting ignore on their cellphones. Take care of yourself. It is doable and worthwhile. Onward.

[Travelinglady]

I just got a copy of the book "Attention Disorder: A Different Perception" by Thom Hartmann. It's one of a bunch of books that emphasize the positive aspects of ADD, and you folks sound like you need a dose of that. My brilliant son (if I don't say so myself, the testing proves it) is ADD. It is a challenge, but lots of intelligent, successful people are ADD. I hope over time that the word gets out!

[Kiffygirl0793]

I would definitely love to read that book!

[vanyel22]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

Hi, this is my first time posting a new thread, hope it works! About 3 weeks ago, I told my tdoc I thought I had ADD and she gave me Vyvanse 30mg, doesn't seem to be helping much. I am angry at myself for waiting so long to get help for this. I also suffer from major depression, so I thought that was why I screwed everything up. I know I should feel better knowing this is not my fault, but I'm 40 years old and it's hitting me that a lot of people think I'm slow and an idiot. My ex-boyfriend used to call me a spaceshot all the time. I've cried every day since being diagnosed. Anyone else feel the same sometimes?

I was diagnosed 2 years ago at age 63 - I've had a lifetime of depression, low self-esteem - I'm a nurse but my career was a disaster - I couldnt why understand why people who were not as smart as me were still working and I was fired- My finances were always a mess - I retired with no pension but I still have to work 3 shifts a week. I'm still angry at all the therapists who diagnosed me with depression and never considered anything else. I did take Vyvanse for 3 months - it worked very well for me but - but I quit that last full time job because I was sure I was going to be fired and then lost my medical insurance - so - no more Vyvanse. I will be going on medicare Oct 1 and am considering going back on meds. When I was diagnosed (first by my boss, then by a pdoc) I felt vindicated - I wish I could go back to all the places I worked that there was a reason for my behavior. Sue Abrams

[vanyel22]

Originally Posted by caitlineli

Yes! I blamed myself for everything, just as my mother did, and my successes are all luck or something. I am now 68, and I still cannot remember what I was planning to do if there is any distraction available--TV, Internet, book, catalogs to flip through and daydream. I have known about my ADD for a lot of yeears but I had to stop my meds because I was hallucinating. I am now physically disabled, and feeling that I wasted my whole life by being depressed and wallowing in self-pity, with no possibility of a meaningful future. I am so glad there is somewhere where I can rant about this.

I was diagnosed at age 63 - I feel the same way - that my life was wasted - my career was a mess - I was the marginal nurse - although I never was criticized for my clinical nursing - It was always the paperwork. I'm retired but still working 3 shifts a week- I'm in physical pain all the time. I have degenerative disc disease in my neck. I have scoliosis in my mid-back area (probably had it my whole life and it was never discovered)have chronic sciatica (pain in hip area)- I have spasms in my feet- and thats only the physical problems - I wish there was some way I could turn back time and re-do everything. Sue Abrams

[Kiffygirl0793]

The terrible thing too is so many people still think ADD doesn't exist, it's just laziness. Oh, if they could only be our shoes!

[fluffy-moose]

Originally Posted by Kiffygirl0793

The terrible thing too is so many people still think ADD doesn't exist, it's just laziness. Oh, if they could only be our shoes!

My sister once said to me that I don't have ADD, I just don't concentrate.

I think my self esteem started to go awry when I was eight, and my younger sister was just starting school. One teacher said, "I shuddered when I heard you had a sister starting this school, but she's nothing like you at all is she?" The same teacher even told my parents how much better my sister was than I am, and then they relayed it back to me, in the hope it would make me do better at school.

[sneschalmers]

oh and vyvanse 30mg is a very small dose infact its usually just a starter dose and you will go up to 50mg or maybe even all the way up to 70mg in time

[Kiffygirl0793]

Actually, I'm on Ritalin now, about 20 mg, and I don't really like it. I feel very energetic when I'm on it, but then I crash and life is awful again. I don't even know if it's helping since I made a bunch of careless mistakes at work and I'm probably gonna lose this job. Oh, I hate life.

[Jewels]

i agree. the crash you get when the ritalin wears off is wearing on a person...im on 30 mg a day...and it is just not working for me...i hate when that crash comes...makes me crazy...but i like the time in between when i can be focused is time well spent...but now that we know that ritalin doesn't work well for me...hopefully they will allow us to start on concerta xl so that we dont have to worry about the crash aspect...it is constant in the system for 12 hours...we really need that...

(((((((((( fluffymoose ))))))))))

how awful that you had a teacher say that to your parents, and how terrible that your parents repeated it to you...as if children's psyches are not all that important...forget the "they thought it would help you do better at school". What a shame it was that they said anything at all to you. I'm sorry you had to hear that and live in exile in your sister's shadow. And they think that only children can be bullies...i think children learn to be bullies by watching their parents...and ive met plenty of adults that think nothing of bullying another adult or child to do what THEY wanted you to do...what is this world coming to?

Jewels

[fluffy-moose]

Thank you Jewels
I think if I had children, and any adult, teacher or whoever compared one to another, I would soon make them wish they hadn't. I hope though that there are fewer teachers like that these days.
I guess now that I am an adult, I have taken over where my parents left off, as far as the comparrison thing goes (I compare myself to others all the time I mean). They don't seem to do that any more, and hopefully I will stop doing it one day also.

[veganisgood]

Right on, Paul! Thanks very much for your thoughtful reply.

Originally Posted by injuneer63

I too cried when diagnosed at age 53. But for a different reason. For the first time in my whole life I finally came to understand as one book title says "I Am Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid"!! I knew as far back 9th/10th grade, that I was very different from other kids. What they seemed to do with great ease was like "Mission Impossible" for me. I barely graduated from high school. The main reasons being (1) I found many classes so boring that I just skipped them and after a while I skipped whole days (70 alone in my senior year and (2) when I got home and tried to do my homework I had the same difficulty focusing my attention on it as I did in school, I would berate and scold myself but still I just couldn't focus on the task. I wanted to do ANYTHING but homework. I became a world class procrastinator. I had a thousand excuses for not turning my work in and teachers rolled their eyes so much I thought they would pop out of their heads. (3) I would gaze out windows and daydream or sit at my desk and draw pictures or pass notes to my friends (especially pretty girls). But on the other hand, some classes like algebra, geometry, trig, science, drafting, and things I liked or was good at, I usually got A's. Through my entire school life I always scored high on acheivement tests and was put in classes with the brightest kids. Move forward 20 years later and I am in college and for some reason I got perfect grades in every class and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. The difference in my new success was I learned how to focus, how to use Hyperfocus, one of the many blessings that ADDers have that normal people don't. So the moral of this a story is, ADD can be a curse if you let it, or it can be your greatest asset. 17 years after I graduated with a BA degree, I had risen through the ranks of Lockheed martins engineering grades 1 through 6, to become chief test engineer on the newest Presidential Helicopter after serving 22 years in the Air Force as well. So cheer up my friend, find out about ADD, learn not just to live with it, but how harness it and make it work for you. Albert Einstein had ADD. Most people who have it are well above average in intelligence. These are things to be proud of, not be ashamed of. So go forth and make your mark in the world and I wish you the very best. And be very careful what you wish for, because if your hyperfocus locks in on it, oh baby, look out!! cause you rare very likely to get it. Be kind to yourself child, you are one of God's greatest creations.
Paul

Your friend, Paul