[Arkyn]

Warning in Advance - this might be too much information for some

I realize that there are many ADHD folks who don't need a lot of sex - they're easily distracted, etc.

I find, and pretty much always have, that the dopamine supplied though sex or at least orgasm, was [critical/greatly desired/important/etc.] - I can easily have sex 2x a day, and would, i think, if I had a chance.

But with the new dynamic that my wife and I have, I'm not even sleeping in the same room, much less getting _any_ physical contact at all, and it's been 2 months since we've had sex and 6 weeks since if had an orgasm.

I really feel like a basic element of my humanity is being dispossesed - my sexuality is a mere pawn for my wife to dictate what happens.

Now, I know that for years, I've made her feel like a sex toy, with my desire level higher than hers with ever passing year...and it's been 17 years of marriage, so there's been plenty of time for this issue to fester.

But I feel like I'm dying.

Thoughts?

[hanners]

Try masturbating?

[Arkyn]

I have tried, but recently, it just doesn't seem to work. I'm just so upset about the disintegration of my realtionship that as I get closer to 'completion', I start thinking about how I'm frozen away from the one that I want the most. It doesn't help that when she was visiting her family this summer, (1000 miles away) she had sex with an old boyfriend. She's admitted it, and isn't particularly sorry, but because of the circumstances, (distance and pre-existing relationship) I'm not particularly worried about it happening again. Anyway, the combination of the two issues is driving me over the edge.

[indiajade]

Have you guys considered marriage/couples counseling? Although sex is not the MOST important thing in a relationship, this shift in intimacy seems to indicate underlying problems you guys may be having (communication, finances, ect).

[Astridetal]

I agree maybe it's time to work on your relationship. You say that as you masturbate and come close to finishing, you think about the lack of a relationship you have with your wife. This is understandable and matural. Maybe your desire for sex and your wife's not wanting it at this point contributes to relational issues, or maybe your relational issues reinforce your desire for sex and your wife's not wanting it.

[chelledotcom]

I know how you feel. I sometimes feel like I cant have enough orgasms/sex. My hubby has no libido, and mine is unnaturally high. I even can get impulsively angry and snap on him if he says no. Its not even about feeling undervalued (which I do, but only after getting rejected alot), its about the fact that I want to have sex every single day. Possibly many times. And I dont get it. Masturbation isnt the same. It just isnt.

As far as your significant other sleeping with someone else, even if it is 1000 miles away: that is another problem all together. First, you feel like you arent connected with the person you want to be (read: rejected), then they cheat (so obviously, they wanted sex, just not with you), then they arent even sorry about it. That can be heartbreaking (ive been through similar). I hope these things get better for you. And I agree about the counselling. It can help alot.